Don't make me use my handbag!
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
It seems that there is an abundance of comments to go around! Pressed down, shaken up and pouring over into my lap!
That's such a strange saying. I don't think there're any comments that need replying to, for once. Except Dave's, I guess. One of the things evangelical churches (or whatever you want to call churches) have done is emphasise the Buddy Jesus phenomenon (name stolen from Dogma, the movie - ironic, in a sense, that they were correct. This, in turn, ends up massively detracting from the idea of our God as an awesome God - How can you fear your best friend?! Reverence, I think, is incredibly important, but like all things, the motives must be correct. That is, ya gotta be really respectful to God, not simply try to look nice and act 'proper'. Then again, too much reverence detracts from the close-personhood of Jesus, so you need a God-given balance. I think as long as you fear and respect God in your heart, there's no need to wear a suit to church!
So off to Nic's soon, for New Years. It should rock, and it better! :) My first NY without alcohol (apart from the last one, but I was sick in bed anyway) for many years. But I really don't think I'll miss it at all, I do fine without it normally! Well, that being said, I do allow myself some (one or two) drinks on special occasions, like Christmas. Not that that's a big thing, but I felt like mentioning it. I hope everyone else is going to have a fun night, whether you're drinking, partying, playing board games or even working.
I feel like I should do a retrospective of this year, but I can hardly remember yesterday, so I'll make do with my archives. :-) Maybe tomorrow I'll give it a look. Until then, love ya and leave ya, enjoy the last few hours (22 of them for Abbey and Penny) of 2003, see you next year!
Monday, December 29, 2003
Now that's gotta win a prize, yeah?
19 comments, was it? Ah, who's counting. Oh yeah, me. And, interestingly enough, most of it didn't really come from anything I wrote. So I was planning on just blogging by replying to the discussion, but I don't think I have much to add. But please feel free to continue it in the comments on this latest blog. As for me, I'll see what I have to say.
I did want to briefly say something about Louise's point, ("is it possible that you are focusing too hard on getting a job?"). To that I say a resounding 'yes' and a slightly-less-loud-because-now-my-throat-hurts-from-yelling 'no'. Yes, that definately was the case up until very recently, but now, yeah, I'm seeing that that is simply misplaced trust. There've been a couple of blogs where I've tried to express this, but it's been surprisingly hard to come to terms with, which has been the primary cause of most of my trials this Summer. The problem being, of course, that I had my agenda and hoped God would bless it, rather than putting God first. Which, I confess, I'm (still) finding so hard to get into.
Speaking of plans, I was talking to Jared (Jarrod?) after church last night (he was up for a few), and it made me think about this time next year... what about an O.E.? I've just completely missed that in my trying-to-discover-what's-going-to-happen planning. That's an option. Of course, hopefully I'll have enough sense (strength? humility?) to follow God's plans for that time, but it's good to know the options. I'd love to go to Israel...
New Years plans are almost confirmed - Dave's place was a no-no (no spa! :-( ) but Nic's place is a go-go. Should be at least 10 of us, should be a rockin' time, I'm very much looking forward to it.
All right, I feel like looking at the Big Discussion. Actually, I can't be bothered. I just wrote five lengthy paragraphs on it and deleted them, because I wasn't getting anywhere, and I couldn't see what Jeremy was trying to say. I literally spent hours thinking about it and working it through, and I concluded that both sides of the argument were wrong, but with some element of truth each. So like I said, I'll let y'all work that one out.
Which leaves this blog considerably shorter and less interesting than it could be, but it's just one of those days.
Friday, December 26, 2003
Ooooh! Man, what a lame-o!
I'm a little, er, disgruntled with my blog yesterday. A little pointless and depressing. But no use in dwelling on the past, no sir (or ma'am). And now Christmas is come and gone, and '03 is roaring to a close. One of the funniest jokes I heard yesterday: What's the one good thing about being on 'P'? 10 more sleeps 'til Santa!
In case you don't get it (it took me a while), and in the full knowledge that this will kill the joke, people on P apparantly don't sleep. So yeah. Guffaw. All right, a run through of the events on Sam's Christmas - the night before I went to carols at the Elim with my parents and some family friends (my sister has yet to come to a church service with me, but hopefully she will one day). They enjoyed it, they said, and had a brief talk to the Pastor beforehand. Quite a good service. Christmas Day, went to a short cocktail breakfast/Christmas lunch at some family friends' house, which I tried to enjoy (you know what it's like... ;-) ). Then lunch back here with my family and my sister's boyfriend (they're quite close, I wonder...), followed by presents, then dinner here with some more family friends and my old school mate Laurence, from Canterbury. Oh, and got up at 6am this morning to see if I had a job driving to Auckland. No.
So, as is always the case, a very social day, with minimal opportunities for times by yourself. Which, as is often the case, wasn't easy. Worst of all, from a Christian sense, it left my guard fully down for attacks, which came on strong. Two-pronged: Loneliness (in the midst of all those people!) and doubt. Loneliness in the sense of feeling I had nothing in common with anyone I was with, but primarily because last Christmas my girlfriend was with me, and this unexpectedly hit me. It was made worse by the thoughts of the devestatingly gorgeous girl I met earlier that day, leading to a whole new set of problems, if you know what I mean.
And doubts... some of the worst doubts I've ever had, and on Christmas! This came largely from the conversations with my humanist parents and with a friend who is investigating Buddhism. I asked myself, what is the special hold that Christianity holds over me, why this 'religion' over any other? Which, of course, is a bad question to ask. Not in the sense of a complete lack of examining your beliefs, but one must be careful to examine them from their own foundations, rather than as one without beliefs.
Ah, but I came round. Not fully, not yet - more prayer is needed - but certainly enough to not go down those paths any further. But it's a lesson, that's for sure. On the day I should - and wanted to! - celebrate the truely awesome gift of Jesus, and the day I should - and tried to! - joyfully and lovingly celebrate the fellowship of family and friends, I allowed the Devil to draw my focus inside myself, and tarnish the day. Not that I didn't enjoy it on some levels.
Slight diversion alert. With regard to the comment Bing made on my last blog, about it being good to know that others have as many or more struggles than you. That's been something I've thought about a lot, and it's only been through reading Christian Fiction (Left Behind - one of these days I must elucidate about the effect Revelation-thinking is having on me!) that I've seen its normality. When you read about characters who seem to have it together, but have exactly the same doubts and troubles as you, that helps so much. I can only assume its the same with many Christian biographies. But it's humanly so difficult to imagine that one's Pastor could ever forget about his relationship with God and entertain thoughts of doubt, although through faith and self-discipline it would be somewhat different and hopefully shorter-lived.
So where, from here? What was the point of the blog, of yesterday? What's been the point of this Summer, and its numerous apparant disappointments? I can never be entirely clear on this, in this world any way, but it's worth trying, for future reference, clarity and to give this melancholic Christmas tale its happy ending (although it's harder in Real Life, I try to rejoice through suffering on this blog - often that helps me do the same in Real Life). It seems to me that this Summer has been a bit of a testing ground. 'If I can trust God to get me a job this Summer, then I'll be able to trust Him to get me one once I leave uni.' That about wraps it up. Hence the big churning inner drama when it seemingly doesn't work out. Or does it?
I don't feel confident that I have the full answer to that, yet; I'll have to wait until February. But on a less macro sense, I am aware that in trusting God, I've actually been more testing Him and trusting in man. I've 'trusted' God to get me money, experience, contacts and security for this Summer, which I can rely on next Summer and beyond. It makes sense, seemingly, to earn money now for a possible (likely?) missions trip next Summer... but perhaps that's not trusting in God at all, rather in mammon. Same with the other blessings I've relied upon as a result of trusting God. Which is frustrating, in itself, but nonetheless presumably for my benefit. And while for my benefit, it also opens me up more to attacks, as in yesterday. Of course, while I say all these things, it's much harder to accept them in my heart.
Anyway, you get an award if you worked yourself through that maze without getting lost or getting a headache. Basically, disappointments + sadness + doubts --> increased reliance on God. Hopefully. To conclude (ha! talk about pretentious! :) ), one more thing God's been teaching me. Remember a while back that I said that God told me He wanted me to be a worshipper? I still believe that's one good reason I should (and have) cut down on secular music.
Anyways, I'm reaching the point when I'm realising - in my head, so far - that worshipping God is the sole reason for our existence. As some guy once said, if you check the OT, the only actions commanded within the temples were a) worship; and b) bringing offerings. No 'teaching', no 'evangelising'. Just worship and offerings. And you can consider offerings as a type of worship too. Ah, you may say, what about obedience? But Jesus says "If you love me, you will obey my commands." Worship, again. We are all meant to be worshippers of God. That is the meaning of life. If we restrain our worship through pride or other reasons, we're restraining our love, and diminishing the value of our life. I pray that God would imprint this deeply on my heart, because it is such an urgently important truth. And while worship is an end (the end) for us, it is a means for God - a means for Him to move. So let us worship in Spirit and in Truth all our lives! Easier said than done? That's why we must worship in Spirit, for only He can enable us.
Ah, precious love, precious truth. Help us to understand, Lord. Help us to seek You. Amen.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
'Twas today, and somewhere in the house, I typed on a keyboard and scrolled with a mouse.
You're lucky, nothing deep to say today. In fact, not much at all. 'Though, I had thought about heaps of deep insightful stuff to say - in fact, I spent most of last night thinking about instead of sleeping; haven't been sleeping too well lately. And I was also trying to calculate how fast Santa would have to fly to get to everyone's house. I know, I'm silly - I can't remember any of it. Either that, or I'm at peace about it 'cos I've thought it through. Probably the first option, knowing me.
In fact, I don't know what to say at all, which is incredibly strange, given all that I want to say. I'm in one of those limbo moods, when I'm just living. In fact, I'm basically waiting for New Years Eve at the mo. It's just a mood. I guess I'm spiritually tired myself, must be contagious. Funny time for it, Christmas Eve. I think it's just after all the soul searching of the previous week (see below) I'm a little numb.
And not looking forward to Christmas as much as I usually do, oddly. Tired of my family? No, not really. Is it because I know most of the presents I'm gonna get? Nah, presents don't mean that much to me any more. It just doesn't seem too special. Which it is and it isn't - I mean, it is a celebration of Jesus' birth, but every day should be like that. It should also be a time of love for humanity, and I guess that's very important - but I'm a little weary of that too, sadly. I need to pray about that, for sure. Before I do anything else, really. We've got carols tonight, which I need to be in the right frame of heart/mind for.
You know, I almost got a job again the other day. In fact, I kinda still might, but I dunno. Suprisingly enough, the job is very misty and so far evasive. It involves ferrying rental cars to Auckland (and possibly Parmy) for $120 - something I'd probably enjoy. It's not very clear about how I'd get back after each time, though. The guy wants me to call him at 6am on boxing day. And yesterday, which I tried, but couldn't get through, so I missed that one. I'm about as confused as you guys are, but I'll let you know if anything comes of it.
Well, should reply to the comments, I guess. They were quite flattering (as were the e-mails), and I really appreciate the love you guys show me. With regards to the honesty business, yeah, I try to be as honest as can be, for many reasons I'm sure you can surmise. It is a struggle to ensure that's a source of humility rather than pride, however. It also brings its own worries - will my honesty cause people to suspect that I have more problems than most people? Which wouldn't be a problem in itself (I'd hope), except that it might make me appear unfit to lead other people - something which is increasingly becoming a passion. But I suppose God'll sort that out when we come to it. And I do like what people said about people not looking for perfect leaders - very reassuring.
Well, I just prayed about my mood, and I'm feeling better already, as expected. Indeed, I'm tempted to rewrite this entire blog entry, because although it wasn't hugely negative, it's no longer relevant. But I won't, because it's what I felt. Oh, gotta go. Merry Christmas to all, and my sincere love to all of you too!
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Sunday's update... possibly a long one.
Who knows. Maybe a better title would be 'Confessions of a Dangerous Mind', but I think that might be taken. Might as well do the whole linear timeline update with an odd splurge into stream-of-consciousness. That way, I seem to say most everything I need to, except for the really important things I always forget. :)
So, Friday night again, 'twas cell group. We had a friend of mine, Sophie, come join us, though she had to leave a little earlier. I think she enjoyed it, I don't see why she wouldn't have. :) But it was a very cool evening. As Brendan pointed out on his site, I was reluctant to lead worship ('cos Dave O rocks at it!), but it ended up all right. Funny thing is, whenever I worship and God's annointing comes, it makes me sweat a lot. So, sorry to everyone in the room, luckily we had a window open. But yeah, very powerful worship once again, incredible! I didn't know what to do for a while, 'cos I'd run out of songs but obviously I needed to keep going. Luckily, my song book had fallen open at a new song, so I played that. Breathe, it was.
Brendan's study was much better than he thought - it's just that we were all in a bit of a funny mood. I wonder if that was God's doing? He talked about Santa and Jesus, and guided our thinking toward the true meaning of the season, which we needed to hear. We finished quite early, but chatted/played guitar/had playfight for about 1 1/2 hours or so. We may very well have New Years' at Dave's place in P'ram. Which means Dave P should go straight there when he comes down, but more info as it comes. We'll work it. I'm looking forward to it!
After everyone left, and for a lot of Saturday, God did some full-on convicting work in me, regarding perhaps the deadliest of sins - pride. I knew I was a little proud, but I didn't think it was as bad as, well, as it is. Even now, it's tough to write this, especially without qualifying or justifying or passing the blame. But yeah, I have a pride problem. It's obvious enough in the fact that I so readily identify pride in other people, but even things like not wanting to lead the worship because I worried about sounding bad. Or even the fact that I don't have a job, somehow I managed to be proud about that. So, stink, I felt stink. But it's good, because I've been asking God to convict me of sin, to help me to see the wickedness of it in myself. Surprise surprise, He did. :-) So I need God's help with this one, clearly.
That's one conviction that makes you feel especially stink, he says, trying to avoid self-pity. 'Cause the only thing that you can rest in is God's love and will, and if you're 'suffering' from pride as it is, that's not where you want to go. But it's where I need to go. Crazy, crazy. I've got to keep reminding myself about the dangers of pride too, it's easy to fall into. So, please, let me know if you see it in me! In fact, one of the things that revealed my pride was thinking that we, as Christians, don't rebuke each other often enough. But it's totally true, I'll thank you for it if you do!
Anyway, enough of that. Problem, solution, move on. Saturday. Did some more work on the fence, went to see 'Cypher' with Jeremy and his mate Michael. Good movie, but a little too derivative. I hate that word. It's a proud word. :) Then we played pool together, which was, er, humbling. I'm sure I used to be better than this! Gah.
This morning, went to church (Wgtn Elim) with my parents - they promised to go once before Christmas. Man. Well, er... the message was perfect, I reckon. For them. I didn't think about myself or me and God much, sadly. The message was about seeing Jesus, and being hungry for Him, and how to find Him and let Him lead your life. They liked it, they said, despite all their jokes and nervousness throughout. Me... ooh. Man. Again. Apart from the whole fear of my parents which prevented me worshiping fully and answering the altar call and being peaceful, and my hunger for them to be touched but not in a weird way and not get them freaked out about church and church-people (!), there was something else.
As I stood there with them, trying to be so thankful that they came, I was so petrified - almost to the point that it became painful - that they would get touched or saved. I don't think I could have handled that, which is extremely ironic. I could handle it if it happened while I was, say, in Dunedin, but with me there? I couldn't take that! And I don't get it, and it makes me feel pretty rotten about it. I think I fear sharing a spiritual/emotional experience with my parents, it feels... so wrong. I don't know if I'm explaining it well, or if it's too weird to understand, but it kind of fits in with your normal feelings about your parents at this age. And why you (I!) struggle to love them because, well, they're your parents. They always have been, and always will be (!). They're not 'people', they're family. That sounds terrible, I sound terrible. In fact, I felt terrible about it. So I'll be praying about that, that's for sure.
And there's a lot of other things I've been praying about lately, and all about 'me' and my issues. I have a fear of wanting to do cool stuff for God but not being able to do it because no-one supports me in it (this reveals my love of Dunedin Elim to me, yeah?). I guess I'm growing through all this, but it feels so strange (in a bad way) to be constantly struggling, especially because it makes me focus on what God can do for me. And also I feel like I'm not suitable for any sort of leadership position, because I'm... unstable. But I reckon that's not from God. And I guess it's all my own fault, for praying for growth in certain areas. And I am thankful... and only surviving by clinging to the violent, raging fury that is the love of God.
That would be a very poetic place to stop. This wouldn't.
Friday, December 19, 2003
Brief as brief can be update...
Just about the Ringses. When I went to see the Fellowship (Extended) at the Embassy two weeks ago, the seat I sat in, and the seat Brendan sat in happened to have 'The Bentons' in a plaque on the arm. Apparently my (rich) Uncle and Aunt bought/sponsored those seats. $600-ish each, apparantly. So, when I came to my (pre-booked) seat for Return of the King, the second-best seat in the house, I was surprised to see that the plaque on this arm said "Sean Astin, Sam Gamgee" on it. And the seat beside me, the best seat in the house? It was this one. But 15 minutes into the movie, it was one of the only empty seats in sight. So, I moved. Not only into the best seat in the house, but also the most famous. Except perhaps for Peter's, if he had one. I dunno.
Smug mode. :)
Well, I just *cain't* leave that blog lying there...
So time for a happier update. What is there to be happy about, I hear Carnal Man cry, with Flesh Boy's soprano voice echoing him, somewhat creakily? Well, everything, my dears! Need I say more!?
Oh, I probably should. Well, let's count our blessings, hmm? I've finally come to realise what that idiom means. The C.S. Lewis book ("Mere Christianity") talks about faith as... oh, I need to quote it. Hang on. "Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods." That's good, ooh, liking that. Oh, he also notes that that's only one level, only one side of the geometric figure known as faith. But that defines it simply, in an almost secular (almost too secular) form, in terms of its opposition. Counting your blessings, then, is an objective (well, almost) way of of holding your faith when you need it. Which is something we all need to do, seemingly quite regularly. And for me, I guess this blog would help me do that - if I ever actually bothered to read through my archives. I will, one day.
So, no job for Sam. That doesn't worry me at the moment. I'm still trusting. But then, I kind of *do* have a job, cleaning and painting my parents' fence. Which will take a long time, and earn me some money. So, all in all, that's pretty good. It won't last too long, but tomorrow can take care of its own troubles. So it's more than satisfactory for me... my parents aren't ecstatic about it. I think they see it as 'pity-work' to some extent, although they acknowledge that it has to be done. So, right now, my biggest trouble is handling my parents. Which I am mucking up quite seriously. I'm not gonna list the examples, and I'm definately not make excuses for it. It's just something more to work on, and I really need God's help with it.
It fits in with an earlier Word that seems to be the guiding principle of my Summer - that I will learn to love those I don't want to love. In an agape sense. And it's reassuring to hear that at least three other people in this blogisphere are learning similar lessons (/wave). Although (always with the althoughs!), it's not really a good thing that I need such reassurance. God willing, one day I'll be able to stand truely alone, if need be. That's alone in the human sense, I know I'll never really be alone.
What was I talking about? Oh, yes. Blessings. Well, there's three more to talk about, but two of those can wait until another day. But I know if I don't talk about one of them, bad things will happen. So, Return of the King. No real Spoilers. I saw it yesterday, 24 hours ago. Where on earth do I start? Well, it was long, but not long enough. They rushed through so much stuff in the last hour - which makes sense, considering the original cut was over 6 hours long. But that's not what you want to hear. You want me to say how much I loved it. And I did. But... maaan. Deeper feelings. Thank heavens there's still the extended edition to come in less than a year... I came out of the theatre exhausted, emotionally. I don't cry in movies, not that I'd mind, but I almost did this time. Not necessarily because of the power of the story - thought it certainly was powerful. I got images of Abbey and Penny tearing up the whole way through, and Penny jumping three feet every 5 minutes... God only knows what I've invested into these movies. It's like when Buffy ended, but worse.
Breathe...
The night before, I had nightmares... well, one. About missing the movie. And a flight, somewhere, which was strangely enough at the same time. I woke up at 6am, calculated that I had 7 hours before the movie started and started wigging about whether I had enough time to prepare. Then I slept again. :) Throughout the morning I didn't want to see it, I didn't want it to end. While I was watching it, I was already emotionally detached to some extent - although I got into it eventually. When it finished, it didn't feel finished. Whether that was because I knew there was so much more coming in a year's time, or just out of disbelief, I'm not sure. I still don't feel like I've seen it, maybe I just saw a preview. Most of you don't actually know how involved I've been in this, in my own way. How my start page has been theonering.net for about five years, how I used to be a spy on the set - sneaking in and taking photos, how I snuck into the afterparty, how many letters I once wrote to Peter Jackson... my three days of glory as an extra, my two days as sound effects... sigh. I used to regret not being more involved, and be so jealous of my friends who were more involved, but I probably wouldn't have been as interested if I was, not really. There was a time, about, I dunno, five years ago, when I was quite depressed. I said to myself, only half-jokingly, that there was no way I would ever kill myself before I'd seen all three movies. By the way, I couldn't joke about that now if I hadn't gotten way over those feelings, so don't worry. I've found more to live for. :-)
All right, let's forget about that. Out of my three extra scenes (well, four, but I knew you couldn't see me in one of them), the clearest one was cut (Rohan soldier shot), in one I was obscured by a troll and in the other, I could see the weapon I carried. The sound effects segments were much more successful, I could often recognise the bits I was involved in. Which kind of spoiled that Suspension of Disbelief thing. My only gripe was the amount that was cut. I thought so much of the Frodo/Sam stuff would be longer - I won't say any more because lot of people haven't seen it. And obviously the last 30 minutes was... well, you know. Or not.
I'll see it again. And soon. I'm very happy with it, but very drained from it. Not depressed that it's over, like I thought it might be, but... weird. Weirder than usual. Which didn't help me deal with my angry father last night :).
Comments:
Donnave Abt (see!) - Thanks a lot. I have levelled with my Mum, and she is somewhat understanding... but I know she's not completely fine with it. She still mentions to my Dad and Gran that she wishes I was working, when she thinks I'm not listening. But yeah, it was better than not mentioning it, that's for sure. Thanks for your prayers, too.
Rach - David's keen to come down too... hmm... could be great! New Years is one of the other blessings I'm gonna mention at some stage.
Gail - Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. In fact, the 'other' blessing is something like that... more later indeed!
Here's a question to all, I'll probably have to redirect it later... I think Jess may be able to answer it, if she still reads this (where are ya, baybee?) - you're being a yellow-coat next year, yeah? An IT-chick in the computer centres? My question is... do you reckon they'll be looking for more people once the year starts, or have I missed my chance?
Okay, I should get back to that fence. I'll make sure I'm wearing a t-shirt today. :-)
Thanks for all your support guys, both public and private. The Lord knows I need it! Hehe. Mwah and mwah.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Isn't it funny...
How one day you can feel one thing, be peaceful and calm and contented and confident and trusting... and the next day you can be frustrated and angry and distressed. Hilarious. But yes, one job interview and two jobs at Student Job Search that I wanted in two separate visits (out of three) later, I am not happy. I am not peaceful. It seems like every attempt I make to get a job is thwarted. So, maybe no job for me. But... but... Argh! I don't know, I don't get it. I don't even need to get it, I just need to know what to do. And yes, I've asked God. I was angry, I get that way at times. Not a bad thing in itself, but to "be angry and do not sin", that's a toughy. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: this is definately a narrow and rocky path we travel.
I'm tempted not to post this. But it's only fair, having posted what I did yesterday, to post the other side of my story, as bad as it makes me look. And what's the point of keeping a revealing journal if it's not honest? So yes, I'm an angry sinner at the moment, struggling greatly to trust God and keep my cool around my somewhat nagging family (who are trying to help). Very tempted to do what I said was cowardly yesterday, and escape down to Dunedin. And I could, easily... there's an empty flat a-waiting for me. But I won't. As hard as it is, I'm going to get myself a job. Or, try to. If I'm not successful, well, clearly it's not meant to be. I just wish God wasn't so cryptic, and that He'd help me. It's so hard to acknowledge that His ways are higher than mine. Sounds like a cop-out, when you're angry. And sometimes when you're not.
I had a dream last night. I was eating at a Wellington cafe with someone when I realised there was a dying woman on the pavement. Suddenly some paramedics came to help her. Then I saw some people walk around the corner, notice the body and walk away. It was Roslynn and her sisters. Ros recognised me and waved, before she walked away. Very odd dream, that's all I can remember. I think I was thinking about Dunedin people before I slept. But she's not anymore, is she.
I was going to post earlier about something God spoke to me earlier about living a loving life, and how that's of the utmost importance. I read about it in a book about Rich Mullins that Brendan got me - which I am going to force everyone to read once I'm done with it this second time around. But I can't really remember what I was going to say, my anger has clouded my mind. I'd better go, my Mum's home. She won't be happy about my jobs. See ya.
Monday, December 15, 2003
The keyboard is bust.
Well, the big one is, anyway. So I'm using the one on the laptop, which is small. First things first, Abbey - so sorry about the Wham-bam-no-more-Sam... the computer went nuts and I had to disconnect. When I finally got back (after rebooting), you'd left. So, my appy-polly-logies, okay?
Kinda writing for the sake of writing, but I did have one thing to say. And you can probably guess what it's about, to be honest. Joblessness in the Life of Sam. Here's your chance to get away, but I want to record my brief thoughts on the subject. But firstly, a prelude into the realm of 'communication'. What is it about experience (or its mental counterpart, insight; or its spiritual counterpart, revelation) that creates that affinity of recognition? When someone speaks to you about something - and I'll use a Christian experience here, but that's not exclusionary - say 'grace', at a certain depth of understanding, you react in either two ways. Either a semi-understanding, but no real connection with the idea; or an identification, where you think 'I know exactly what he means!' I say this not out of some wisdom about the subject, or as if it is anything novel, but merely out of curiosity, and to set the stage for what I am about to segue into...
No, scrap that segue, I'm not ready yet. Reverse it. Back to the curiosity of revelation. Why does it seem so important at the time, when you comprehend something important, especially spiritually, so much better...? What does it really matter in the scheme of things? I guess it grows you, is all. I used to worry, once I'd had that spark of understanding, that I'd forget it; now I assume or hope that it is still lying dormant, and just becoming part of a foundation. Hmm. I've always had a hunger for growing myself (often limited by a poor self-image or other flaws, especially in the past), I guess it's just another 'goal' - no better than, say, winning a match, or tournament. Only less... er... athletically demanding. I've always been obese on the inside, too. :-)
You know, I've completely lost where I'm going with this. I can't remember how this was supposed to link to 'joblessness'. I guess all those who scarpered when they heard that word are missing out, right?
Oh. :) I'm having fun, anyway. Plus I seem to slip in and out of a kind of C.S. Lewis writing style. Very intriguing. Back to the topic at hand... Oh, yes. Had some time (hah!) to pray about the job situation again today, and got to wondering why I have no job. And why I want a job. I came to the realisation that although a job would be nice (not that I wouldn't get sick of it quickly, though), and is necessary to some extent, perhaps requiring a full time job for three months is serving something else... mammon be thy name. Because if I don't need money now, and I can trust God with my accounts when I financially need to (which He has demonstrated this year - admittedly, no large spending was required), then saving up now for something (namely, a trip next Summer - Chile? Or USA?) later would require less trust in God.
Okay, next argument. The reason I wanted a job was for the experience and the connections. But then, in some sense, he both has and will provide that when I actually need it. I don't need to 'store away' blessings as an investment when God will supply them abundantly when necessary. HARD lesson to learn, not one that makes me jump with joy. Though it should.
Well, third time's a charm. If I don't get a job, I (and my parents, ESPECIALLY my parents) will feel I've wasted this Summer. That's a good point. I don't know the answer to this one. But I can trust that God will make my Summer purposeful. Maybe I will eventually get a job - I have an interview tomorrow morning. I toyed, today, with the idea of doing Summer School. That way I'd get out of this dilemma (which isn't literally a dilemma, the C.S. Lewis in me wants to point out. It's just a matter of faith [sad that that makes me think of 'Vodafone' and the Warriors]). Additionally, I'd get to hang with my Dunedin peeps, like Rachel. And Justin and Summer. Which would be funky... but cowardly. So, not a real option, unfortunately.
So that's that. God's been with me the whole time, like most of us knew (and prayed that I'd discover. Thanks guys and gals!). And He's sticking with me, as I with Him. All that has happened this summer seems to have a clear, wise, beneficial outcome, so I trust that the rest will. Well, I admit I'm struggling a bit with the sunburn-itch-from-hell incident, but oh well. It's refreshing to suffer once in a while. Last time that happened was in April, in Christchurch, at Boot Camp. Cayenne Pepper in the eyeballs. But that was a field of poppies on a warm summer's day, compared to the Itch Of Death.
POPPIES! POPPIES WILL MAKE YOU SLEEEEEP! AAAAHHAHAHEHEHAHEHEH!
Sorry, that's the WW of the W inside of me, longing to get out. Not today, witchypoo. Oh, speaking of, er, the visual pop media (streeeeeetch!), has anyone heard of the new TV series 'Joan of Arcadia'? Tuesday nights on 3, straight from the US... looks like it could be worth watching, partly 'cos I need a new series to get addicted to. All I have is Jackass. And advanced episodes of Angel that Jeremy downloads. And repeats of Red Dwarf, which are on... OOH! Gotta go!
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Ooops.
Well... let's go from where I left off, huh? Like a journal oughta. Cell group - it was good, yeah. As good as the week before. We had Brendan, Louise, Matt, Matt's friend Laurence, Becs, Dave and me. We played 'word at a time' (making up a story), which was funny. Dave took the worship, which was great. It's felt, strangely, like a real privilege when God's presence comes in my house. It's very strange... I guess because there's so much of 'me' here, and so much unworthiness, but He still comes. Amazing. So that was nice. I gave a message on prayer, which I think went down quite well, and we kind of went off on various tangents, which was cool. My message was basically:
1. Prayer is a blessing, more than we can know. Prayerlessness is a sin, hurting us (and God) more than we can know.
2. Our flesh and the devil don't want us to pray, so they do our best to distract us.
3. Our only possible hope is to see prayer as any other blessing, and ask for the Lord's help with it. Thus we give the burden to Him.
Discovering that myself was quite a blessing indeed - I got that from a book Abbey gave me. Good stuff indeed. So we had a good time, talked about some issues, and prayed together. Excellent.
Saturday came and went. I hate being bored - not because it's a stink feeling, but because I know there's always stuff to do. But when I don't have a job, I start to get bored of my usual methods of spending time. So Saturday was somewhat frustrating.
Saturday night, however. Things got interesting. Went to Jeremy's for his 21st barbecue. There were 9 of us guys, and we had fun. At about 10:30, half of us went into town to go clubbing. We went to a gig at Indigo (with a cover charge - and I never pay covers...) which was playing some great British punk/rock tunes - I was shocked at how few I knew, but that didn't matter, they were funky. So had a good time.
However...
On Thursday I got sunburned while doing some work outside (at home). All over my back. On Saturday I bought a can of spray-on Solarcaine, to relieve the pain for the evening's festivities. So I used some, and reapplied every hour or so, as recommended. But apparantly, my skin is very, VERY alergic to either something in Solarcaine or its propellant. Nevertheless, the more I put on, the itchier my skin got. The itchier my skin got, the more I put on to relieve the itch. I was still putting it on at 2:15, when I was climbing into bed. That wasn't a good idea. I almost used the whole can. I took a Calm-U (sedative) to try and ease the itching, which was getting more and more painful by the second. Then I took a Voltaren (strong pain-killer). Then I jumped in the bath. Then I woke my mother.
It kept getting worse and worse, and my Mum kept giving me pills (she's a nurse, so she knew what she was doing). I was lying on a pull-out bed in the conservatory with wet towels on my back, and I could *not* scratch my itches - that made it worse and really really hurt (sunburn, remember). I was crying out, and grunting and screaming, I almost wept. I kept thinking of Revelations 9:5-6. I wanted to die, it was literally close to driving me mad (and I'm not just being a drama queen [for once]). It was like jellyfish stings all over my back, but worse. And I couldn't do anything about it. I was convulsing and hyperventilating...
So at 2:45 am, my Mum drove me to the A&E in Newtown, 25 minutes away. That was not a pretty car trip. They took me in and lay me down on a hospital bed. Eventually (after asking SO many questions) they gave me some Nitrous Oxide (laughing gas) which slowly took effect. I remember thinking that I *had* to blog about the sensations it gave me (how sad is that?!), but I think that would be inappropriiate. I don't want to promote the use of nitrous at all. But things got weeeird.
After about 2 hours on that, they released me after giving me some codeine and telling me to take a quick shower. The doctor was surprised that I wasn't already unconscious after the pills I'd taken. I got home at about 6am, showered and went to bed. I woke up at 3. Had an extended family dinner tonight, which was quite cool, but I was a little out of it.
So after all that, I'm very grateful for my Mum, that's for sure. And I have a new understanding of the word 'torment'. But maaan. Not a fun morning. :-( I'm all right now, still a little itchy and dopey and sore, but all right. I'm off to bed in a second. I've got to get a job this week. It's been 4 weeks so far, and time's running out.
And since it's always best to end on a happy note when possible... er... ah... um. Ah! Tomorrow's a new day. G'night, all.
Friday, December 12, 2003
Well, I promised to update as soon as I get good news...
OR feel better. I feel better :-). Which, if I had to choose, is probably the better of the two possibilities. I'm a little surprised that I don't have a job yet, but then, the day isn't over yet... and Gibson Group have a habit of calling at 8:30 pm. Also, I went to student job search at 9am this morning, and I have an interview (with 8 other people, for 3 positions) for a job starting in early Jan. This job would absolutely rock, but there's a lot of 'ifs' attached to that. I won't go into those until I've done my interview, next week some time. You'll be among the first to know, trust me. Still, even if I got that job, and even if I got as many hours from them as I could... I'd still like a job for the next two or three weeks. So, still praying. Still expecting! :-)
I do have something cool coming up, just after New Years, but I dunno if that'll happen. I'll let you know if it does. It's not a paid job.
So, New Years, huh? What'm I gonna do? I've heard Tauranga and Hastings suggested, there's always something a little closer to home, too... But I'm up for a drive (especially if I can afford it!) I guess I'll make plans once I find out if I get time off from that job that I'm going to get. See, I'd be more than happy with short-term one-off type jobs if only I knew *when* they'd run. Maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm being taught something.
Speaking of, I've got a lesson for cell group tonight. Maybe I'll post some of it up later. Maybe not. I hope it goes down well. I forgot how nervous leading a cell group discussion made me... I haven't done it for about 8 months, and even then, I don't think it was by myself! Still, gotta be ready for next year - which I'm looking forward to. Planning is already underway for that.
I really have nothing to say, but I don't feel too bad, so I thought I had better post. Plus I'm bored. That's what getting up at 7:20 and not going to work does to you. Hehe.
Oh, and once again, my sincerest thankses (oh yeah, saw the extended two towers at the embassy last night... mmm good. Felt really long. Was really long.) to all who prayed for me in my troubles (which, admittedly, aren't over yet), and also to those who commented and encouraged me. I can be such a prayer sponge at times, but sometimes ya just need it. :-) Oh, and also I'm gonna try (TRY - see an earlier blog) to pray for those of you who also aren't entirely happy with their jobs - Jess, and possibly Lydia. It's very encouraging (and sobering) to know it's not just me. And Jess, awesome comment, loved that second to last sentence.
OH! I knew there was something I had to had to had to say.... Apart from the usual funky movie news, something lots of people will be pleased to hear... the nearly-final cut of MG's "The Passion of the Christ" (the new title) has been screened to movie geeks in texas (yes, Abbey, at the Alamo Drafthouse - you shoulda been there! They showed Return of the king too! Only one week to waaait) and ONE out of the fifteen-ish reviews on Aint it Cool News was negative, and that wasn't even too bad. The other reviews, including many by atheists, were raves. Superb acting, not a trace of anti-semitism, brutal but not over-done violence, beautiful composition... very powerful. Tears flowed. So that's definately one to watch - it's due in Australia on February 15, so it'll be here around then. Maybe the same day. Oh, and here's the official website and trailer, for all who are interested (highly recommended).
Any other movie news I have to share? Oh, Viggo's being considered for Ras Al Ghul (the villain) in the new Batman movie (or possible 'The Scarecrow'), starring Micheal Caine as Alfred, with Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne, rumours of Katie Holmes as a love interest. Directed by Christopher Nolan (Memento). That'll be goood.
Wow. Writing all that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I guess I do like movies, after all. :-)
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Man... conflict... Jekyll and Hyde... Werewolves...
I dunno - I had a bad day, and yet, while I still feel bad, part of me feels good. Especially after reading those comments, which were very cool indeed. Well, we'll see what comes out.
So why was today bad? Well, partly because of not much sleep (that'll teach me to drink Just Juice before going to bed!), and partly because of the job thing. Yep, it's finally got me down. Which is funny, because I knew it would, because I asked God for it, in a sense. Because I knew it would bring me closer to Him, which it has been. But to be honest, I never thought it would get this bad, so disproportionately distressing. It didn't help that my Mum had a day off work and was in the worst mood I've ever seen her in, partly because I don't have a job. And my attempts to contact people who might be able to help me? All fallen flat.
So I've spent a bit of the last 24 hours crying out to God, getting some wrestling practice in. Until I've been exhausted. I've come to that point where you feel that you couldn't survive being pushed any further without breaking. This is hard, but it's so good. It's been so long since I've felt so poo, and we all need that so often. And it's still going on, it's gonna keep getting worse until I get a job - either a film job, or a compromise job. But since there's nought I can do about it, I'm gonna do my best to stand. Or prostrate myself, whatever works. ;-)
Although, to be fair, 2 hours ago, I couldn't smile - which is something, for me. Still, I keep coming back to the various prophecies I've had spoken over me, that I need to persist like a fire-ant, like a tractor, that I need to keep running with the rugby ball (yeah, that still weirds me out). If this were a race, I'd compare it to that point just past the pain barrier, where everything is gray, yet you keep running as much as you can. My only fear is the highly realistic one that I'll give up just short of the goal. Or that I'll forget how to run. What I'm I supposed to do (aside from pray)? Keep phoning people that have already said no? Wait for a phone call? Get a one/two-day job? Am I even on the right track, will God even provide the precise job I want? Would He, if I prayed something slightly different?
Ah, but once again, I dive in too deep. God knows where I am. All my steps are numbered by Him. He hasn't lost me, He's closer than ever. He will not let me be ashamed. His hands guide me feet to the finish line my eyes cannot see. I'm believing that by the skin of my teeth, to mix a metaphor. It's at this point that all the tiny little things that people have said to support me, at this point that they are all I'm clinging to. Like when Nicola half-jokingly told me, last Friday, that there has to be a reason that I don't have a job yet, cos all my other Christian friends have one! Or Brendan's comment about water in the desert, which has little relevance and yet it embodies Proverbs 3:5.
And I also keep coming back to the fact that... well, why am I bothered? It's a job, it's money, it's nothing. It gets my Mum off my back, helps me out a little... but is it worth this much pain over? So what if I get a bum job for the next two months, right? So maybe it's not quite what I had in mind, but who always gets their perfect job? I guess it's more than that... I've put so much faith and prayer into getting the 'right' job, whatever that is. Would I even notice it when it came? I think I'm fully justified in saying 'Meh!' here. Which reminds, in the concert tomorrow (which I'm really not worried about, hah!), we sing a song with the nonsensical line "tan ti fa lan ti di dah ti dah ti dah dah do" which I must really concentrate on not thinking 'Thida" when I'm singing "ti dah". And one of our warm-ups involves singing an arpegio of 'meh's. Which I simply cannot do without dying of laughter. :-) Talk about influence!
Well, I know I'm pleased to know I still have a sense of humour. Obviously I'd appreciate any prayer right now, especially regarding my faith! Because I know how awful it is having a sad blog as the blog of the day, I'll try and update as soon as I get good news / feel better. Oh, and comments:
Rachel the Brown-star: It's very reassuring to know that it's not un-natural to 'suffer' from carnal swings... I guess it struck me that my aversion to self-sacrifice came on so quietly and quickly. I guess that's why we oughta crucify our flesh daily... I must have lapsed! And I told God I want to give him everything, thanks for the advice. I reckon that's also one of the reasons I'm feeling like I am (good thing!). I reckon you're largely right about the thinking mind-set too. Anyways, it was awesome to have you comment (twice! :-) ), hope you're doing grrrrreat!
Abbey the Abt-queen: Intriguing spin you put on that song... it's a real challenging one, eh! And you're right, of course, we do (I do!) have struggles in Dunedin. It's quite good struggling in a different environment, then you'll be better equipped to struggle in all environments, I guess.
Brendan the Ng-king: aye, a prophet is never accepted in his home town either, eh?
Gail the I-don't-know-your-last-name-but-I-know-you're-cool: I wondered where you'd gotten to! Thanks, as ever, for everything!
Donnave the oh-your-in-the-same-boat-as-Gail-with-the-surname-thing-yet-I-know-you're-spesh-eh: Encouraging, timely words, cheers! Am, as ever, hoping for a trip to the U.S.A. in the not-so-distant future.
Okay, long blog again, that should give you a clue as to how much time I have. But I'd better go bring the washing in, so I'll be in touch later! Love you all!
Sunday, December 07, 2003
I'm gonna go against the grain here...
And blog. That's right, I'm the anti-grain. I'm not just a fair-weather blogger, nosirree. Hehe. Plus, I got something to say, I think. As usual, best to go chronomologically through the things that happened, aight? Aight.
So, last night, yeah? I was gonna see a movie, but that plan collapsed like a flan in a cold, damp cupboard. Pffthpfth. Jusliketha'. So I ended up watching two. I know, isn't that veird? Training Day and Desperado, FYI. Both fun, and good, and made me wanna play guitar better. Plus I cooked myself the most de-LISH pizza, aw, I want another. So, where was I? Oh yes. When going to bed, I started reading a book I'd bought that day. I really should stop buying books, man. But it was only $10, it's a deal, it's a steal. It's The God Chasers, by (mumble mumble). And maaan... for the second time in two days, God's presence filled this house! I was just reading the first chapter, when WHAM! Tears welled up, and I had to stop and pray. Ooooh it's a good book. Books don't usually do dat to me. But what I was reading was about a church service that was so mega-choca-annointed that everyone crumbled, and... well, you can guess. Tears from heaven. So, that was powerful, and left me hungry. I highly recommend it. Thing is, down at Elim, there's so many of us that are such God Chasers, and that's one of the reason it's so cool down there. Side note - my Mum was asking about a church to go to on Christmas Eve (family tradition) and jested that we should get a polite one like Elim, where everyone puts their hands up to go to the bathroom during the worship. Cute. :)
Then this morning, I went to church (Wellington Elim), where there was a message on how "Planted People Persevere, Pioneer and P-something else." Basically God was encouraging me to a) Plant somewhere (which I so want and need to do) up here, and b) Persevere - with my family and with my job-hunting. Which is what I needed to hear. So, a good service, mm.
However, I did notice something that may be of interest to my fellow God Chasers, because you may be in the same boat. Down in Dunners, I could (eventually - real tough, this) sing "To the Ends of the Earth" and mean it. But it was so difficult up here. Why am I (anyone else get this?) so reluctant to sacrifice of myself up here? More importantly, how can I fight back? Tell me, people, would you go to the ends of the earth for Jesus, would you give the world to tell His story? Right now, I can't say that with the conviction I would have in Dunedin. It's not like I have anything to lose... am I lapsing back into my old life unconsciously? What is it about Summer? Why are some people finding it harder to blog over Summer? :-P
After that, went home, had some lunch, read a bit more of that book and WHAM! comes that presence again. Whoa... so that was funky, drove to choir practice (performance on Wednesday, eek!) all aglow. Choir was cool too, some funny/funky people and good singing.
Then home for dinner, where I talked to my mother (see, yesterday she 'found me a job' on the SJS website and printed it out. Today she had filled in the page with reasons why I oughta take it!) about jobs, and what I was hoping for this Summer, and why I wasn't keen to take the usual desk job (I wanna experiment in the field I'm hoping to want to work in). She got it, and respected it. I'm basically giving it until the end of this week before I start accepting that kind of job. So, I'll be doing a lot of phoning, and hopefully a lot of praying.
So then went to night service with Becs and Matt and Louise and their friend Laurence, at the Street. It was a "Yay, God" service - worship followed by testimonies. A LOT of testimonies. But it was really good not only to hear all that, but to feel the Spirit of community in that church - very much like Elim. So I think I like that church, after all! It'll probably become my night service church, maybe my morning one as well, depending... although that might be Elim. So, good stuff, God, all around.
Hey Gus - cheers for your comments, good to know you're keeping updated with what's happening in Samville. Interesting link you gave us, boss... interesting. Glad to know, also, that you're rocking the 'ru. :-)
Night all, sleep tight.
Saturday, December 06, 2003
... and there are days when it's not.
Heh. Well, Abbey's answer is accurate, but Bing's answer is becoming accepted, so either or. English is decaying. OR maybe it's growing...
Well, cell group. There's something worth talking about. It was really great, I was surprised (I know, I know, shouldn't have been). We were all, well, spiritually prepared for that night, it seemed, so we could all help each other and really connect. Plus we had a great worship (although to be fair, I cringed at my guitar playing, but God doesn't mind). Oh, it was me, Becs, Nicola, Matt and Louise, and Becs brought the study - humility. It was good, and strangely relevant. I say strangely, because although it's not an area I'm satisfied with, I don't really struggle with it. So that was good, and instructive. We also shared testimonies and things we're struggling with, and set goals (which I struggle with :-) ) and stuff. Then we went to the Johnsonville Woolies to buy some ice-cream. Which we didn't buy. But it was fun not-shopping with these peeps. We definately connected - there's something about Dunedinites, eh. Something about Elim. So I'm really looking forward to the next Cell Group, and hopefully we'll meet up at night church tomorrow night too.
Oh, I've also been selecting papers next year. I have one interest paper to do, and it was originally gonna be FIME 301, which I believe Abbey is doing, but I think that clashed, so then it was gonna be Hebrew, but that was at 8am. So I'll probably do Spanish 131 - introductory. If anyone has any better ideas, speak now, or forever hold... yeah, you know the drill. Wow, then I'll have finished my degree... ten papers to go! Well, plus the two 0 point papers. Then there's the possibility of doing Profs... ahem.
So Louise mentioned, last night, that I haven't done any deep & meaningful blogs up here. And she has a point. I'm really not sure why, maybe it's because I'm less introspective up here - probably because I'm not around friends like I am in Dunedin. Even though this blog is obviously public, I *feel* like I'm writing it in the privacy of my own home. And more, perhaps given the amount of free time I have, I (ironically) spend less total time thinking. As in, I try to make the most of it, so I either read (which is thinking, but not so much about myself) or play music or sing or job-hunt. Even more, perhaps I'm in a psychological 'limbo' up here in Wellington, where I'm on a holiday and just killing time until Dunedin-time rolls around - a very scary thought.
So I've started praying for an 'outlet' for... I dunno, my faith, my love, my energy, my passion. Something to *do* up here. I probably wouldn't be satisfied even working, unless the job rocked. But I'd still work. Maybe my expectations are too high... but then, Steve prophesied, just before I left, that I shouldn't accept second best. That would normally be hard for me to do, but there aren't any pressures for me not to do that up here, except my parents and my doubts. Neither of which I listen to. Just kidding. :-)
So I'm clearly in a better mood, in part because of some quality prayer time, and also largely because of last night (thanks guys! Although only Louise reads this...). I feel more confident than ever that I'm where I'm meant to be, which is such an important and good feeling, especially when situations make you uncertain.
I hardly ever know when to end a blog. I usually want to write more, but either it's irrelevant and can wait until later, or I actually can't think what to write. What is it about me that makes me want to write? More importantly, what is it that makes me want to write what I feel or think? Is it self-centred? Is there some way I can harness it, and use it - maybe as a career? Is it as enjoyable to read as it is to write? I'd say not, but I know some people like reading it, to some extent... is that enough? Any thoughts?
That's a good place to stop, isn't it? Yes, yes, surely it is. Mm. Or here. Or here.
Friday, December 05, 2003
There are days when it' s just so... HARD to blog.
But then, like all good things, I usually end up glad I have. Let's hope that's how this ends up. So here I am, waiting for cell group, basically. Not so much 'cos there's nothing to do, but 'cos I'm tired. Seriously, I think I might have CFS! No, I've just been sleeping terribly lately, especially last night (still, got a lot of reading done! :-) ). But because of that, I had to say no to a job offer this morning with the Gibson Group again, just for today, driving people. I wasn't feeling too confident in my driving ability at 8:30 in the morning. But my parents weren't happy. They've finally gone past the grace period and into the "why the $%@ don't you get a job" phase? Which got me down, and I'm still a little down, but I decided not to dwell, and to pray on it, and that's always good. Almost always. Well, a lot of the time it's *immediately* and *obviously* good, but it's always *generally* good. You know what I mean. Yes you do. Yes you do.
So I'm still unaffected by Cabin Fever after 2 1/2 weeks at home, but my parents have gone nuts. :) Ah, bless them, let's not go into any more of that. Needless to say, I'm feeling a little more pressure than usual about finding a job. Additionally, Jeremy's having the same trouble, which would make me feel a little better (not because I'm mean, because I'd know it wasn't my fault!), except he's a little disillusioned with the job hunting trick. And fair enough, but I don't want to get that way myself. It's bad enough realising that there's only 2 months left, with about a week of holidays, and that no-one would hire anyone for that. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. But no, partly because I'm in no financial urgency, and partly because of trusting God, I'm not stressing. I'm doing some housework to keep me a little busy too.
Thanks to all who commented and those who gave me cyber-hugs and 'mwaphawphawphaws' - Katie, I'm weirded out by that, what on earth is a mwaphaw... :-)
Ooh, 'interesting' thing Jeremy and I were discussing the other day - apostrophe's and acronyms. Do you say "Do you know your ABC's" or "... ABCs"? I've learned the answer, but discuss among yourself, I've got a hamburger to make.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
There's still lots of e-mails I gotta reply to...
Not to mention text messages! Luckily there's only two comments, eh? :-) Lots (legions) of things to do, and so much time to do them! Yep, unemployed again, and loving it. But I've got a lead, as they say in detective movies, and I'll get more work, I know that. Today was a fully relaxing day, didn't do much. Hung out with Jeremy, watched some new episodes of 'Angel', including one directed by Sean Astin. Now, that name rings a bell... rings... huh.
All right, so, yesterday. 8am until 11:30pm, on my feet all day, with a 30 minute dinner break (no lunch). All right, that's most of the bad out of the way... I 'met' (saw) John Rhys-Davies, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan (I think) and possibly John Noble, hard to say. Also Tana Umaga, Mikey Havoc yada yada Shorties actors yada yada that old dude from Whale Rider... and I talked with Orlando Bloom. He needed to know where the bathroom was. I did various things, from dull (wandering around a huge tunnel that encircled the theatre) to exciting (checking everyone's invites) and spent some time on the red carpet (even with a 'Recon Security' shirt on, teenage girls still asked for my autograph. What's with that? :-) ), getting rather red myself. I missed the parade and all that, but no big loss. Didn't even see the movie, but I've heard nothing bad about it! So yeah, couldn't have been in a much better place, and I got paid. Very satisying. Seeing the extended two towers on Thursday, and the premiere, also at the Embassy, on the 18th, at 1pm. Which is stilll before Abbey, so that's all right. Hehe, nah, that wouldn't botther me at all. :-)
Nothing else to report, really, still recovering, in a good mood. What does the week hold? Hmm... tomorrow will be more relaxing, and a little bit of ringing about jobs. Oh, and I should call Brendan tonight about cell group, get it sorted - we have a few options. So that's Friday night. Saturday night is choir, Sunday morning (and night, yay!) is church hunting... I may go back to the Rock to check out the night service, but I'm not sure. Could be back to E Street. Probably Wgtn Elim for the morning, or the Apo. Decisions, decisions. No worries, though.
Okay, dinner's on the table, better go. But, seeee y'all later!