Don't make me use my handbag!
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Ananova - Top doc backs picking your nose and eating it
Okay, you have to see this!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Any thoughts? Bing, Gus, anyone?
Monday, March 29, 2004
You wanna do what to these dry bones?
That could be a little cryptic for some. It's part of a song. "Prophesy, prophesy... to the dry bones!" But we'll get to that. Yes we will. This blog, like many, is like life - you go through it a step at a time, and you can darn well wait! So... where were we last?
Oh yes, the question on all your lips, I'm sure, is how I am. Wonderful. Seriously, pretty good, eh. God's given me enough strength to get through this large... sorry, "HHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDDCOOOOOOOORRRRREEEE!!!~!" assignment, not that it's over yet. Had an incredibly busy day today, and it went pretty smoothly. Even the doctor's appointment, and I hate needles. Had our first 'Dan's Cell' prayer today, too, which went pretty great. And IWT was on campus. And I've already done my cooking for this week, huzzah!
So yeah, Sunday. That's the day. The day of Sun. Got plenty of sleep on Saturday night (even though a) studying late and b) had a midnight phone conversation, which was actually rather cool) and felt pretty good in the morning... even though I'd heard that both Des' graduation and PJ and Jelte's farewell were fantastic and not-to-be-missed. Bah. No, I made my choice, and it was good.
So yeah, morning church in a good mood... and MAN did I get into the worship! Better than I ever have, I think. It's as if all the stuff I'd being going through, and all the times I'd praised God for everything, suddenly transformed into one giant praise session. Mmm. Oh, side-note (I don't wanna do side-notes today, but, I'll mention this... in a new paragraph).
The whole ongoing trial thing? The struggles? Well... I always knew this deep down, but didn't really acknowledge it. See, that's what I'd been praying for. Because that's when you grow... so all through Summer and since, that's one of the things I've consistently lifted up - "God, if it's Your will, I trust You to do what you need to do refine me..." which, you know, smart but stupid. But I don't regret it. I'm bemused that I didn't realise (well, that I *did* realise but then kept forgetting when things temporarily changed), but I'm glad for it. And once I've taken a break, I’m gonna be back into praying the same thing. Y’all oughta try that too… just make sure you know what you’re doing!
So yeah, great worship time at church… I think I need to get deeper into worship, and this is a new level I’m launching off, so very excited. Need to buy some more worship music. Need money first… better borrow for a while. Thankfully I’m flatting with two awesome guys with two awesome music collections! Ahhh…
Four awesome guys, I mean. But… oh, you know.
Okay, so that was cool. Steve Gwyn preached about God’s heart for the lost, and our need for the same. Now, I love Steve, and he can preach up a storm, but I always get uncomfortable with this subject matter. And he wasn’t helping. J Okay, lemme explain. When the call for evangelism – which is incredibly important – is made, it always makes me feel inadequate and pressured. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, of course - maybe that’s what I need. But I seem to equate this call with standing on a street corner preaching, and think, no Sam, you’re not doing it… you should be, but you’re not. Which, I guess, may be God’s will for me. But… d’ya know what I’m saying? Does anyone feel good when that message is preached? Yeah yeah yeah, that’s fully not that point of it. I’m not slagging it, just saying that I didn’t get heaps from it.
Anyways. Left full of praise (awesome fellowship afterwards too… ah, church is so good), left to study. On a Sunday. I KNOW! Naah, it was fine, eh. Hehe. So, studied, FOUND something which really helped our case, yay, go manslaughter! Ahem. Then home to chat to the folks, have dinner blah blah blah.
Night service. Jesse O’Brien, New Zealand Idol supreme, our old worship leader was visiting and speaking. And our own Abbey was booked to MC. Now, Abbey was really good. Of course. She couldn’t have done it better. I couldn’t… I don’t know who could! So, big ups. Plus she prepared us all well for the rest of the evening. So, Jesse talked about… I guess wanting to hear from God, and our reactions to that. I’m not quite sure. What I got from it was that it was okay to get aggro with God in prayer (not just with the devil!). Respectfully, natch, but sincerity (like in real life) is one of the most important qualities. I’d never thought of wrestling with God by yelling at/to Him. Not that I’ll do it often, but there’s bound to be some use coming out of that one.
Then he asked to pray for me. Up I went, excited, embarrassed, scared… now, okay, prophecy time. See, this is where it might get boring, because it’s all about me. It’s not really applicable. Me, I love reading/hearing about others’ prophecies, but I know plenty of people don’t. But I want to record them for future reference, for safekeeping, for… help with interpretation, perhaps? I dunno. But you just know I gotta blog about it. So, this could seem quite ego-stroking, but it’s stuff I need to record. Apologies in advance.
Side-note again, about prophecies in general. I don’t know where I stand on them. I’ve experienced words of knowledge for others (not for ages now… huh) that are too accurate not to be supernatural. I’m about ¾ of the way through transcribing the many prophecies I got at my baptism, a year and a half ago. I believe they’re of God, but I also believe that some of them are not – that they’re from man. So, grain of salt. Especially with some that are not encouraging at the time… see below.
Okay, Jesse prayed – and asked the church to join him in it (gulp) – that I would receive an impartation of fire (a theme that has been prophesied over me so many times), in the sense of a burning, consuming passion for the lost (sorry Ruth, that’s what he said!). He also prayed that my lips would be anointed with grace. Which I guess relates to the first. Which perhaps relates back to the morning service. Anyways, pause a second. Another constant prophecy with me has been that I have a gift of using words powerfully – something I’m starting to accept. As for the passion for the lost… I’m having faith that God’ll keep kindling that, because that’s an awesome thing to have. But it’s also, clearly, a huge burden. So, er, yay? It’s something I’ve been searching for, but I’m never sure I could properly handle. Sam the evangelist. That freaks me out. Better to consider it a strengthening and lengthening of my ministry. Less freaky. Both encouraging, and discouraging. I’m not sure I want more responsibility right now… but then…
Okay, play. You know what else is scary? Jesse prayed for Pastor Mike next. And then the youth pastors Steve and Helen. Now, let’s try not to turn this into an ego thing, but hello! Talk about blessed… I mean, I know it doesn’t mean anything, but it’s cool. But it doesn’t end here. There was an altar call at the end. I was already up, but I shifted to the far side when I saw how many people were coming up. I was praising God (and praying about the first prophecy) when I noticed Mike staring at me. Some of you know what it’s like when Mike’s looking at you with intense concentration, and no smile. Was I doing something wrong? What was he… he’s… bang! He strode toward me and laid hands on me.
He prayed silently for a long time, and I discovered that he’s stronger than he looks. J Okay, anyhue. He said that God was imparting a stillness and security within me. That there will be storms that I will be still and peaceful within, where I will hear the word of God. People will say “Oh, Sam, he’s got it all together.” And in that place of stillness, I’ll be able to walk on water. Pause again. This is something God’s been working in me a lot recently, with the stuff I’ve been going through. Finding a deeper stillness. It’s incredibly encouraging to know that I will be given the knowledge of that place, and that it will impact others. And that I’ll hear God’s word during that time – because, man, when I’m put on the spot (e.g. talking live with someone – rather than typing, like now – can actually get quite stressful with me) I totally struggle with finding God’s word and mess up. Hard to describe. Later, when considering this, I thought of that Psalm (I don’t know which one!) where it says in verse 2-ish “I will not be greatly moved” and in verse 7-ish “I will not be moved” – that transition to complete comprehension of being still and knowing that He is God… I’m really looking forward to that!
P. Mike also said “Seek and you will find.” What did this mean? I thought of various options. It could refer to lost souls, which could specifically apply to those I’m currently praying for (family and friends). It could refer to a closer relationship with God, specifically prayer-wise (like I’m struggling with now). It could refer to a powerful cell ministry. I think it’s more likely a promise that I’m going to find myself relying on a whole lot through-out my life. Because, when you put it like that… that’s encouraging. Because I’m a seeker by nature – and what’s the use of seeking if you’re not going to find?
I was going to mention some stuff Brendan mentioned to me afterwards, but a) I’m not sure if he’s cool with that, and b) I’m not sure I fully grasped what he said.
Okay, so that was all great. Then there was one more thing. Helen spoke to me briefly afterwards. She said she got a picture of me with sheep. No, not sheep. Lambs. She interpreted that as saying that I would have pastoral care of either kids or youths. Though she wasn’t fully sure. Now, that wasn’t encouraging, not right now. Kids, youths… they’re cool, but I definitely have no intention of looking after them like that, not in the near future. Not that I won’t, ever, but it’s not relevant. What could be relevant is if instead of being simply young, these lambs were those young in the Lord. Because, yeah, I do care about those new in the faith. So I’m not sure about this prophecy – I’m very grateful Helen told me that, because she (believed?) she was being obedient, so yeah, God bless. But how do I work that one out?
So… that was it. Full on evening. As Brendan mentioned later… what now? How do you proceed? I gave them to God, that’s what I did. And I believed in faith that He would work them how He would. And I keep going. What else can I do? Oh, I’ll pray about them some more, sure. Yeah. I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’m incredibly thankful (I feel really, undeservedly honoured, actually - guess that’s grace for ya!) for last night. And today, actually, strength to survive a busy day. I’m a little uncomfortable with my afflictions (as small as they were) suddenly turning into blessings – it feels weird! – but, of course, happy and grateful!
I don’t feel like leaving this super long (
Heh, see y’all!
E-mail from a friend about The Passion...
Yeeks, anyone would think the movie was *important* or something. Anyways, here it is...
"This info comes courtesy of my mate Keiron (You may remember him from Elim. The sound guy). He has moved to Sydney and had a photographer, who was involved in the making of the book about The Passion, come and talk at his church. Below is what Keiron can remember.
'This morning a famous australian photographer by the name of Ken Duncan, who happens to be a close personal friend of Mel Gibson presented a special presentation in church. Mel asked ken to do all of the still photography for the book that came out with the movie. Amazing photos and amazing testimonies about how the movie impacted the cast. God "spoke" to Ken regarding the depression that the actor playing Judas was going through at the time of the making of the movie. Ken shared this word and the actor (forgotten his real name) surrended his life there and then to Jesus. Apparently after that everything spun around for him, and everyone else couldn't understand why he was suddenly so happy, why he was joking, and why his cares suddenly disappeared! Ken also led or helped lead one of the guards to Jesus! and the actress playing mary magdalene was so moved by the crusifixon that she had to find out more about this Jesus, so Ken gave her his bible! on top of that Ken shared how > Mel came to have a personal revelation about Jesus b4 he began making the movie. consequently Mel believes that everything that he has done b4 this movie has been preparation for the movie, and that he feels this is his chance to pay God back - his act of gratitude! also, it was really cool to hear that Mel had to come to a place where he "let go and let God" because it was only by doing this that the movie would really succeed and be an "A Gade" movie with the intended impact! plus, did you know that Mel played certain parts in the movie. he played Christ when he reached out to and lifted the prostitute up from the ground. he also played the guard who nailed jesus' hands to the cross! stay connected. love kez'"
Wowser.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Okay, kinda cheating.
As in, this'll be another mini-blog. But while we're one the subject of Bible verses, how cool is this for my blog: Psalm 66:16. Eh? Eh? Only problem is, where should I put it... I could put it next to the other one, top-right, but nobody's mentioned that one, so maybe it hasn't been seen...
The beauties of multitasking.
In a Windows™ sense, of course, being male. This way I can blog (offline), listen to music and study at the same time. Well, not at the same time, like, I’m flicking between this and my moot. And I’m not in a good moot. I mean, mood. We’ve been having some crazy weather, it’s gone from rain to sun to rain to sun to hail to sun to rain to sun. And it’s still daylight. But that’s not why I’m grumpy.
I was a little grumpy yesterday, because – it being my day off Uni – I’d spent it all inside, pretty much alone. Which is never a good idea for Sam, because he needs to socialise. Literally needs. It got better in the evening, but I still felt like I wasn’t around enough people. Although on the other hand, I wasn’t in any mood to do anything vaguely ‘do-ey’. Like go out. And I haven’t seen many people today either. But that’s not why I’m grumpy.
Although it is part of it. See, I’ve got an assignment. The moot. Which is hardcore. No, it’s Hardcore. Nope, that ain’t it either. Ahem. It’s HHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDDCOOOOOOOORRRRREEEE!!!~! That’s getting closer. And it’s due on Tuesday. And I got it on Thursday. And the thing is, it’s like a puzzle. I can’t see any way around it. So, instead of going to either Des’ graduation tonight (which I feel guilty about missing) or PJ and Jelte’s farewell (less guilty, more sad) or even hanging with people (which would rock), I’m studying. On a Saturday night. But that’s not why I’m grumpy.
Okay, that was a lie. Now I knooow you’re all like, ‘stop moaning, we study on Saturday night’s aaaallll the time!’. But, hello, this is ME! I don’t! And don’t go around saying how it’s about time I did, because it’s only through strategic time-management and a good attitude that I manage to get by without doing tones of work. Tongue slightly in cheek. It’s just due to my general overwhelmedness of late (which is just going to get woooo-orse!) that I got caught with my pants down on this one.
Sigh. No, fair enough. I actually do have nothing to complain about. I just felt like letting it out on this blog. Because you guys are great to complain to. Why on earth do I have Philippians 2:14 in my head? Oh. Well… er… okay, this ain’t complaining. This is, more, like, sharing my heavy burden with others, yeah, that’s it. What? Luke 11:46? Oh, bum. That’s relevant on so many levels. Well… two. Okay, back to the moot. I’ll get back to this later. It may be a long blog. By the way, if you don’t know those verses, that was all really hilarious. Honest.
Okay, I’m back after a short break. Eating MSG with pork, tasty. And an already-half-eaten Caramello bar for dessert. If you ever wanna know if I’m feeling down, see if I’m eating lots of Caramello. There’s no better comfort food. Hey, at least I’m down to a bar, not a block! J Naah, I’m not feeling that bad. I’d love someone to come visit me… but then, that won’t help with being productive now, would it. Silly boy. Currently listening to ‘Dreamweaver’ from Wayne’s World. Wonder if I could download the tab for that… apparently not. L Back to mooting. Darn manslaughter.
Hey, might as well post this. Then I can at least read my comments later. And I can still keep writing. I should reply to comments… oh. Not much to reply to. Hehe.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Two more Passion links...
The Passion versus... The Python?
Another person has a fatal heart attack during the film!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Feel like I should be… studying… but… blogging so tempting…
And I’ve got summat to blog about. What’s the bet I get distracted? Hehe. In terms of studying, I’ve gotta write a mini-essay on “denunciation” for next week, which is harder than in sounds because, hello, what on earth is denunciation? J Mmm-hmm. As per, I’ll go through events before I get to what I wanna discuss. Since the dog incident (which I’m still a little baffled about), not too much has happened. Prayer with “the boys” on Monday night – very cool, as usual. It’s such a blessing to be flatting with two on-fire Christian men, seriously. I could go on about it, but I won’t.
Tuesday was pretty cool too, went to a meeting with the head of Bioethics, Don Evans who gave me some pamphlets. I don’t know about it, it seems strange for me to be doing something so… Health-Sci. Which is so not me. But we’ll see. Don even mentioned that some people do it in the same year they do their legal professionals course… hard-core! But an option.
Dan’s cell group in the evening, which was really cool. We’ve all totally bonded, and God’s hand is clearly on Dan and his plans… and the rest of us. Exciting and encouraging. And more people to be held accountable to, which is great! I forgot that I wanted to try and get us to organize regular post-church Cutting Edge events, but that’s fine. It’ll come up again.
Oh, as you can tell, I’m in a pretty good mood. In fact, since Sunday, everything’s been up. I’m slowly but surely getting back into a good prayer routine – something I’m always working on. I can’t identify any growth or strengthening from this whole incident – except, as I mentioned, a small (yet noticeable) increase in praise - but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. In fact, I have faith that it is there.
And today, instead of going to a lecture (oops! But it’s Spanish, which I’m cruising through) I went – on Dave’s recommendation – to Knox Church to pray. Not only did my old Property Law lecturer come and practice his organ-playing skills (he’s pretty good!), but I had an awesome prayer time. I’m definitely going there again. One thing, though, it was a really short prayer time – but that felt right. It’s as if God wants me to have short prayer times right now… perhaps building them up slowly, rather than suddenly. I’m not sure. But yeah, quality over quantity, right? Right.
Better get to the comments, too. I love it when my sister comments, that’s definitely Funky-Cool. Glyn sounds like he can be really annoying at times, huh? How does he feel about your speed-dating article? Yeah, I feel that writing’s always going to be a big part of my life… whether as a career, or something else. It is fun. Here’s a thought – if blogs are the new (actually, they’re really not new at all, but you know what I mean) net fad, what’s next, hmm? Thanks for the advice about the career thing. It doesn’t help that Mum and Dad are… well, like they are, eh? Ah well, that’s them, we gotta live with it. Could be much worse.
Thanks to all those who said/say my blog is encouraging, that’s like gold to me. I feel like I’ve found the right boundary between what to write about and what not to… I try to talk about everything I can, but obviously there are exceptions!
And Abbey. Darling Abbey. Thanks for the invitation (not in the sense of INVITACION! INVITACION!). I might take you up on that some time. I think what I said about feeling like I didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t talk to people about me was quite exaggerated, but that’s cool. Like I said, it’s always my own fault, there are plenty of lovely people like you who are happy to listen. Thanks again.
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllll right. That was a Crazy-Long introduction! It’s all good. So what’s it an introduction to? Well, I’ve had a friend ask about my attitude of praise. Specifically, “What logic is behind this belief? What reason do you have for thinking that you have to praise God for everything? And, out of curiosity, what Bible verses do you have to back you up?” Good questions. This is mainly spawned from my saying things like “If you can praise God wherever you're at (even a… “thanks, Lord, that I'm a drug addict") things change.
Firstly, why is this suddenly a thing for me? Where did it come from? Well, er, embarrassingly, a large part comes from a book I’m reading (FYI, Nicola has a huge library too, if anyone wants books) called “Power in Praise.” But also, it comes from life experience, and it’s something I’ve come to strongly believe in. It’s not necessarily optimism, although I like that too, but more… faith that God works all things for good.
All right, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Logic, reason and support. There can be no logic behind this unless one has faith in God and His promises. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says: “Rejoice always… in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Romans 8:28 – “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God.” Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself also in the Lord (e.g. by praising Him) and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 22:3 – “But You are holy, enthroned in the praises of Israel.”
In terms of logic, then, if we believe that God doesn’t lie and that the Bible is 100% true, then we should completely believe that ALL things work together for God for us, and so we should be thankful for all things – which, as we have seen, we are also commanded to do (for our own sakes).
Back to the reasoning point. This is an issue of faith, so the only ‘proof’ we can have of this Praise Power is experiential. The book I’m reading is full of amazing, encouraging examples of praise flip-turning people’s lives around for the better. Like a Christian mother whose daughter had become a stripper. ““Don’t tell me I’m supposed to thank God that my daughter mocks common decency and laughs at religion.” The writer replied: “You can go on thinking that your daughter’s situation is controlled by the devil – and by your lack of faith in God’s supreme power make it difficult for Him to work out His perfect plan for her, or you can believe that God is at work, thank Him for everything and thereby release His power to work in her life.” That same night she was saved.
The example I mentioned of the drug addict was from the book too. A soldier addicted to drugs, sceptical but willing to try (like most people in the book), thanked God that it was his addiction that drew him to Him. He was instantly released from his addiction.
Now, hearsay like this is never fully convincing to me. Obviously the author is biased, and this may have skewed his perception or whatever. Although, the sheer number of testimonies in the book is compelling. I believe it happened, I just have trouble accepted God’s full power. So I’ve taken to praising Him in my own life – the only way to prove something. I challenge all of you to try it. At the very least, the resulting positive attitude will make your day better; there’s nothing to lose. I can’t say I’ve seen a great outpouring of His power through this praise attitude; but then, I haven’t had the need to break through anything (or the faith to praise for things like my unsaved family and friends; not yet, anyway). That said, I’m out of my slump now, aren’t I? Although that may well have been coming anyway.
Aight, I’ve talked enough about this. I’ve got lectures to go to, cell group to prepare for… e-mails to start writing. J But seriously, consider what I said about praise. And feel free to ask any questions/express any doubts, via commenting or e-mail. Hopefully I’ve answered all questions…
God bless!
Monday, March 22, 2004
It's gone from sunny to overcast in a matter of minutes...
And, sorry, Abbey, but I'm glad. Let me tell y'all why, and why I'm blogging. Monday mornings I have a 9am Evidence Law lecture. So that went all good and fine, and I was walking back to the flat in my shorts, enjoying the sun, when I noticed a woman with a very large dog. I'm not good with dogs, but I think it was an... Alsatian? Wait, German shepherd? I wanna be accurate, let me search. Oh, they're apparently the same. Anyways, it was, like I said, very large. So I decided to walk on one side of the pavement so the pair could pass. Now, I'd just texted Joe to see if he wanted to meet for lunch, and was awaiting a reply. My cellphone, on silent, received his reply just as the two were passing.
Apparently dogs don't like cellphones buzzing.
My shorts are ruined.
I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't hurt, although quite surprised. The woman swore and started to walk off. I stopped her - verbally - and told her that my shorts, my new shorts, were destroyed beyond repair. She blamed the dog. I pointed to the law. She said she couldn't pay. Now, you don't push your luck with an angry woman with a bite-happy Alsatian. So I didn't get anything from her and warned her to keep an eye out for her dog.
So here I am, munching on Jeremy's subway (thanks, man! Your cookie's back in the fridge), trying to work out what I should have done. I'm glad it's overcast, and that it's coming up to winter, cos I now have one pair of shorts. Bar the fear of her psycho dog, it didn't feel fair that this woman - who had little or no money (or so she said, and I did believe her)- should have to fork out for a new pair for me who could - begrudgingly - afford a new pair. Yeah, she was liable. But with all my re-examining of my attitude towards money lately, perhaps I did the right thing (if not necessarily for the right reasons).
But perhaps her dog shouldn't be allowed to bite people. It was on a leash...
I'm not sure. I'm trying to praise God for this - because we ought to praise Him for all things - but it's hard because it's so... weird. And hard to see what good can come of it. Which, I'm learning, is where the faith comes in. So I do.
Thanks for the comments... sorry it wasn't encouraging! That's one of the reasons I'm wary about saying too many bad things on this blog - although it's more important that I'm honest. But the fact is, this is one of my only outlets to talk about me. I mean, it's absolutely my own fault; I try not to talk about myself in real life much, at least, nowadays. Partly as part of my personality, and partly because people like to talk about themselves. And I like to listen. But I realised last night (while struggling to sleep for the first time in... I dunno, a week?) that I missed just sitting down and talking about me. But that's really a secondary issue that's not really bothering me.
As for my mood - it's good today. I asked God last night to give me the strength to praise Him through whatever He brings my way this day, and left the rest up to Him (cos like I said, I don't care whether I feel good or bad, because there's always something to be gained from it). Feeling more at peace about my future and my present - but I'm still getting a 'wait and see' response, rather than a 'do this' response. Which is probably (well, definitely) for the best, to tell the truth. As for oppression, I'm not feeling that at the moment. It may come back, it may not. I reckon some people have been praying for me though, ;-). Mega-thanks. Still feeling rather purpose-less, but currently at peace about it.
As for keeping busy to distract/fulfill me... that's interesting. Firstly, I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with a 9-to-5. I struggle with a 4-hour day of lectures - although that's a bit exaggerated. But man, that's a worrying thought. I'm so used to - and so happy with - taking things easy, getting plenty of me-time... okay, I believe that God'll get me through it, fully, but it's hard to see that I'd be happy. Which is why, I guess, it's so essential (as opposed to half-essential) that I (everyone?) get a job that I enjoy. I'd love to be a writer, because you can kinda work on your own time. Anyway, not a biggy either.
But secondly, how do I put this... I've been getting a lot of people saying/implying/suggesting that I'm too lazy with my time, that I don't study/work/help enough. And I want to be open to this and any ideas. But I kinda feel like Job - believing one thing while everyone tells him that he's wrong. And I feel that where I'm at right now, including my workload and my hobbies etc., is the place I ought to be. I mean, there are a few changes to make, I need to spend more time praying and socialising, but I'm quite confident that this is the pace I should be going at this stage of my life. And fair enough, you might say. I'm just saying this so I can say it, not to complain or anything. Plus, having said what I think, I'll be more open to ideas to the contrary.
This has been quite an unstructured, impromptu blog. Like they used to be. I was just planning on talking about the dog incident... Ah well, who can tame a tongue? God bless.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Ahhhrr. Say it like a deflating pirate. Ahhhhhhr.
That's kinda how I feel. This is gonna be one of those posts, sorry. This week has been one of the mood-swingiest weeks. No, not quite mood-swingy, more struggley/overcomey/oppressy. It's all a part of a bigger thing that's been getting worse every day this year... and I keep overcoming, keep breaking through, only to have the waves crash over me even harder than before. Depression, apathy, tiredness and despair hit me in waves, making me wonder why I'm doing this, how I'm gonna cope, what I'm doing in the future, what's the point of it all.
Then I eventually break through this with some prayer or praise or general pro-social behaviour... only to have it creep back in on me. I've had people pray for me. I was going to get someone from church pray for me, but it didn't happen. Plus, it's always 'better' before I ask for help.
I'm still holding on to the power of praise, although it's getting considerably harder to do at times. I'm constantly living in the fear that these struggles will somehow disqualify me from leadership - based on something someone said last year, that I probably misconstrued.
I have good days, like today. A very good day. One that makes me forget how hard it can get, that almost makes me think it's all over, at least this season of it. And that's possible, but unlikely. I don't think it'll just fade like that. And part of me doesn't want it to; I KNOW that God is using this to better me, in more ways than one. I've asked Him to keep this up until I've been fully purified, and that's something I'm glad God's taught me. But I don't feel that I've learned anything yet (am I supposed to?) except perhaps a slightly deeper hunger for prayer and praise and worship. So if anyone does want to pray for me, I'm just looking for the strength (His strength) to bear it with praise until this work is done. And continuing faith in his plans for me (plans not to harm me, but to give me a future - Jeremiah).
Actually, that last one's quite tough. Today's sermon was on commiting your plans to the Lord. Which is hard enough in itself. But I'm still struggling with finding plans to commit to Him. It makes me doubt that He has any, which my mind (and the Bible) says He most certainly does. But you know that's always been a bugbear with me, this plan/future issue. I mean, it's almost as if I have too many options... am I just putting off getting a job?
Jay just came in and said that now we have DSL (yay, fast internet), he's been checking blogs... and no-one's updated. Now, prime suspect here, but I've kinda had stuff on my mind. What's your excuse? :) Just kidding. I was thinking before that it's unfair that my blogging speed doesn't increase now that we have DSL. Then I realised how weird that sounds.
So I'm a little lost, rather manic depressive, struggling with trusting God (did I mention how hard - I mean physically strenuous - praying has become? There's such a definite block there - which is good to know. But is it a block from within or without?) and concerned with how this is affective my ministry and my friendships. AAAAAAAANNND I've got a 9am lecture tomorrow morning. That's clearly of the devil. ;-)
Nah, I'll be all right. I just needed to record this, and I needed to be honest about it. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that this WILL pass, and that I WILL come out of it a stronger person. And hopefully closer to God...
I gotta go to dinner, but see yas later!
Friday, March 19, 2004
While we're on the subject of Vatican-approved movies...
I didn't realise that The Exorcist was one of these, way back when. But this version is a little different... check it. I stole this from Phil Baker's site...
The Exorcist in 30 seconds with bunnies.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Hey, I just noticed…
I’ve got heaps of great verses written on my desk! I wrote them at various times last year, and haven’t looked at some of them in yonks. Yep, yonks. Psalm 115:1 – Not unto us, Oh Lord, not unto us, but to Your name give glory. Love that one. Proverbs 18:16 – A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men. Oooh, bueno.
Didn’t sleep well last night, no sir. So I decided to skip my 9am lecture. Shock horror. I’m not gonna make a habit of it. In unrelated news, it gave me time to study both what would be studied in the lecture and in my 11pm lecture (Spanish) – which I did in an hour. So very bonusy. But I’m going to make sure I don’t waste this time.
Because that’s something I’m wrestling with at the moment. Time management. I either have too much or too little. I’m beginning to suspect that I have just the right amount of time, but it’s through comparing myself to others (and them comparing me to them) that I get this impression and this peculiar feeling of… guilt? So I’m seeking a balance and a peace about this at the mo.
Cell group tonight. Am I prepared? Hmm. Am I ever? I’m planning on cementing my thoughts into a plan later today, but I’m also intentionally not over-planning, to allow flexibility. The problem with that idea is that I have my own vision for my cell group. Which is good and bad. Bad because it’s something all of us in the group need to agree upon, and because I had this vision (which is apparently shared with most cell and church leaders – turning them into rounded leaders ASAP) long before I knew who’d be in my group. On the plus side, if – as it seems – this is a true vision, not only will most of my groupies accept it, but it will take place. We’ll have to see, eh?
Something worth mentioning, though it’s not a big issue right now (any more?). Had a prayer time with the boys (Dave and Bing, that is) on Monday night. I got prayer for… well, I’m not sure. Direction, I guess. I’ve been feeling a bit like I’m clutching at life’s straws at the moment, and I want something to hold on to and follow. It’s true, I’ve never had a clear understanding of where I’m going (which is a good thing, I believe, and besides, who does?) but it seems like even the vision I had (which, FYI, was to do the whole film industry thang, possibly next year, probably 2006) (I would not get away with these parenthetical statements in an essay or legal opinion, no sir) has faded significantly.
Interestingly – and annoyingly – I’ve had lots of times in my life where people or books have emphasized the importance of clear, picture-perfect vision. Dan said something similar yesterday. But I’ve also been told of the importance of walking in faith, following God’s path though you don’t know where He’s taking you. Which I’ve always preferred, because of the vagueness of my vision. I guess there’s a way that both of those can be true, or perhaps a season for each. It just seems that my Christian walk so far has been exclusively the latter, leading me to wonder if I’m doing something wrong. I don’t think I am, but there’s always that niggling doubt.
And this all links together. See, with no big vision or big personal mission, the goals I set are somewhat arbitrary; i.e. directionless. Rather, there’s presumably a direction, but I have to have faith in that (which is a challenging requirement, which is great). But I’m personally so much more motivated when I can see the top of the hill – the Big Goal (which, humorously, I’m coming to understand through living on top of a hill. Hah!) Perhaps, then, this veil over my path is to teach me motivation and obedience. Such as doing the right thing (a right thing) when I have free time.
Huh.
Never thought of it like that.
Dang.
But… but… hmm. Does that mean that once I’ve learned this to a satisfactory point, I’ll get a clearer vision? I guess that’s not for me to know right now. He who is faithful in the little things can be trusted in the bigger. Think I read something similar to that once, says I. Man. Well… man. Just thinking about the implications of that, right there, is painful. It tells me that I’m not faithful in the small things. And thinking about what I need to do to be faithful… even more painful. Excuse me for a second, I’ve got a friend to ask for help.
I just printed out Proverbs 3:5, 6 and stuck it on the wall behind my computer. I feel like slapping my forehead, kinda. Like, those verses have been spoken over my life so many times… I mean, just having it there’s not gonna solve all my problems, but it oughta help a whole lot. Plus, after asking for help from my Good Friend, I have peace about it. Which is always a nice thing, y’know? Mmmmm.
So, uh, yeah. Got not much else to say. Thanks for listening.
HAND.
Monday, March 15, 2004
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Thursday’s Child...
Well, I’m doing pretty good. Quiet times are getting exciting again, things are looking up. Cell was pretty good – first cell of the year, all boys. We played pool, of course. I played well, for me. J They said they’d all be back, so, yeah, sweet. It’s both easier and harder than I remembered, being leader. There is extra stress being the sole cell leader, although there’s less preparation this year. I guess I have a specific vision for these guys, and I want to effect that – and everything has to go according to plan. My plan, not His plan. I’ve read enough blogs this week to realise that that’s not the best idea, eh. I’ll be praying about cell a bit longer, methinks.
Anna’s here ‘til Sunday, it’s been so cool having her, but I don’t see heaps of her. Which isn’t terrible, because I’ve needed a lot of me-time this week.
Strangely, since Tuesday’s cell with Dan, I’ve been struggling with – get this – Marthadom. I was inspired to be less ‘lazy’ or ‘apathetic’ or ‘laid-back’, as I am, and do more stuff with my spare time, especially praying and being with people. But that’s made me go all Super-planny, which is something I haven’t been for a long time.
TGI Friday
Well, one benefit of irregular internet access is that it encourages offline blog. Hence why they’ve been multi-dayed recently. Which seems to be working. Another thing I’ve noticed is that everyone else’s blogs are getting either more regular, more interesting, or both. No names, but good stuff. Now if only someone would tell me if Louise has any plans to resurrect her blog…
I have a sore spot on my jawbone. It doesn’t really irritate me. It does make me wonder if, say, a small person from another land snuck inside my chin and has started a small village, which I unfortunately regularly condemn to destruction every time my finger investigates. Makes you think.
Two veintiun’s tomorrow, brunch and evening. That’s twenty-firsts, by the way, to you non-esoterrorists. Or something. And I need to meet with Dan, because he’s asked me to – shock, horror, gulp – MC the Oxygen night service at church on Sunday. I want it to be memorable (although I don’t want to ‘steal the show’, of course!), which puts pressure on myself. So it’ll end up being as good as I can do it, which I guess is all anyone’s asking. Exciting, and challenging. What more could you want. :-/
Had lunch with Anna today, nice chat. We were never on a real deep-and-meaningful wavelength, oddly. And yet we’re (or, er, I think we are) quite close. And it’s the kind of friendship that you can pick up after, say, three years of minimal contact. Interesting, good. So many different sorts of friendship, each with their own value. Worthy of contemplation.
So, y’know how I’ve been saying this’ll be a tough year? I’ve been kinda thinking about that recently, and it already has been, what with my exxxxtra-long down time. And other challenges/stresses. It’s strange because it’s all been ‘internal’ (or spiritual, which feels internal, if only because it’s not physically identifiable) – which is not what I pictured. I thought – tough year, something bad’s gonna happen… when, in fact, it’s just been building up. Emotional, spiritual, relational problems all over the show (not just me, I mean). It hasn’t finished, not by a long shot (I reckon it’s hardly started), but I have no doubts that we’ll overcome it (together).
On that note, I’m both surprised and very happy with your comments. For obvious reasons, I’m not too comfortable with posting things like I mentioned in the last blog.
Spicy Saturday
Okay, well… I was clearly planning on posting that blog yesterday. No luck, eh? Heh, no worries. Went to Penny’s 21st, and it was really, really fun. Really. Awesome people, awesome time, great food. I was in a good place! And yet… hehe. That bump on my jawbone? Glands. Yessirs and ma’ams, I’m sick. Again. I find that incredibly amusing. Especially after yesterday’s ‘tough year’ paragraph. Tell you what, though, it’s given me an awesome prayer time. I’m just really thankful for… so much. Mmmhmm.
But I’m not going to Yasmin’s 21st. Because I’m wasted – and because I haven’t had a minute to myself today. I have a definite need for me time. And I totally loved having people around me today – even when I felt poo and totally tired – but we need a balance in that.
I’m also a little anxious – no, not anxious. No, I’m, er, well… I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it would be good and challenging. I’m talking about MCing Oxygen tomorrow night. And if it feels like I’m making a big deal about it, I am. I know that. But people seem to think I’m so much more confident than I am. I can be, yes, but that’s not a planned thing. I can’t say – I’m gonna be confident tomorrow night. Gotta be in that right (sanguine) spot. Same with cell group.
Actually, that’s interesting. Cell group last year was, after two weeks, really run by faith – as in, we planned it the night before and ran it as we went. And that went well. I guess I haven’t relearned that yet, and need everything to be ‘just so’. In my own strength.
So back to talking about the comments. I wanted to mention how valuable it is to hear someone say that they’ve been blessed by something I’ve said. I don’t want people to say that if it’s not true, though – but I’m sure they were all sincere. I’ve had a strong emphasis – this year, at least – through ministering with words. Which PJ prophesied I would have, at my baptism. Which I didn’t believe/understand at the time. Huh. I’ve gotta complete the transcript of my baptism prophecies. But MAN – it’s one of the most rewarding things in life to bless someone with my words. It’s better in person, but only because I can see the results. In print/online I just need to have faith that people will be helped.
Hey, that’s all some really interesting revelation about myself. Huh. This is cool.
Hi to Gail, happy to hear you're reading again!
My throat’s dry. I reckon I’m gonna play some guitar now, because Jeremy’s on the phone line...
Done and done. It's 10:25 on Saturday night now, and I'm incredibly keen to get this posted today, yes? Anything else I need to mention... um... thanks to Brendan and Abbey, my pill-providers (and for everyone for your general 'awww' attitude toward the unwell :-) )... there was something... else... something... ah, forget it. 'Til next time, mi amigos!
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Sorry.
I know it's not kosher to apologise for not blogging - after all, it's my blog, right? - but I am apologising. It's been a long four days, and I've tried to blog, it's been a little tough. Not necessarily busy, but hard to blog. So here I am, between Evidence Law and Spanish, blogging at Uni again, on a dirty Mac. Just kidding, I'm sure Macs have wonderful personalities, I'm just not used to them. But back on-topic, sorry to those of you who have had to wait for my next blog.
So what have I been doing? Well, hanging out with Anna a little - not as much as I'd like, but that's how things are happening. Went to see The Passion... again last night. FYI, my review can actually be found at the critic website, here. It's been well-received, I think. I noticed a lot of subtleties this time around, a lot of linkages. I know I'm biased - but that's the thing about this film, everyone who sees it is fiercely biased - but I think it's a very good film.
Being getting back into the church/cell group stuff. A lot of planning/organising/praying. Got my first Cell tonight, hopefully it's successful... I'm a little too blase about it, and also a little... burdened? In a good way, though. Responsibility, commitment, leadership... I've kind of been yearning for that.
Let's get the comments out of the way, before I talk about what I really brought you all here for. :-)
Hi to all who commented. Special HI to Michelle, whose blog is an important reminder of the power of praise, and the strength that can only come from God. You're an inspiration to me, and I'm sure there are others. Also a hi to Kirk; I thought you'd left us! Glad you haven't. I'm considering working on the Lifeline calling centre, and have been discussing it with people. It's a heck of a time commitment, though, as well as emotionally strenuous (perhaps). I'm putting some serious thought and prayer into it. I enjoyed City Church. It's definately got some creases it's ironing out, but it's got that fresh 'new church' feel, with a great friendly atmosphere. I'll definately be back again. It'll be interesting to see how it grows; not sure if I'd make it my home church, but I really enjoyed it there.
All right, for some reason hotmail's not loading. I sent myself a copy of the blogging I *did* do over the past few days, so I could post it here... not meant to be, I guess. That's probably for the best, now that I have a different perspective on things. But what do I say now?
All right, out front, honestly - I've been struggling. The past week has been hard for me. I've been depressed, and I don't use that term lightly. Normally I wouldn't mention it on this blog, because it's usually a transient feeling that doesn't bear mentioning, and I'm also well aware of the importance of being positive, especially when publically witnessing. Not that that ought to prevent me from telling the whole truth at all times. Anyway, this time was different, partly because it's been going on for a while, and partly because I felt lead to mention it.
Now, I've had my up days (see my last post). But generally, I've been feeling an emptiness, a distance from God. That is, until yesterday. I'm out of the pit now, but still close enough to remember, and still not back to the level of joy, hope and faith that I was at the end of last year. I think this Summer was a bit of a deadening time for me...
I'm just hearing the yellow-coat talking on the phone - he says there's been some problems with the computers crashing and losing information... so I'm gonna post this now, and then continue... :-)
All right, that's done, I'm protected. Back to what I was saying; and I'm anxious to get this across properly. I've always thought that Christians ought to be happy - or at least joyful - at all times, and that if they're not, they're doing something wrong. After this experience, I have a more realistic outlook - and I hope I don't sound melodramatic, but I have a deeper understanding of Job - which I happen to be up to in my reading list. I used to think even *he* could have been happier. Heh.
So what did I get from this, how did I grow? What did I try? I tried the usual ways to get out of a sad mood (some of which helped, for a little bit) - distractions, prayer, praise (very effective), worship, reading my Bible, trying to blog. I eventually (it always takes me too long) prayed with Brendan and Dave about it, and that turned things around somewhat. To be honest, I believe that this was just a period I needed/need to go through, and that while I could be comforted, nothing I could do would make God take me back to where I wanted to be, not before His time.
I said all this much better in my other version. Now I know that there's always hope - and hope was all I had to hold on to - and that such feelings don't necessarily arise because of wrong actions or lack of right actions. They can just happen, and we need to support each other when they do. So my what's my advice to anyone who is going through a tough time, especially an inexplicable sadness and emptiness, or to myself in the future, if - when - something similar happens? Talk to people who will pray with you about it; Praise God through it; hold on to hope.
At the moment, like I said, I'm on the brighter side of the circle, reclaiming that joy that was taken from me. It's a process. My quiet times suffered, but I'm rebuilding them. My attempts to focus outward rather than inward were perverted, but I'm untangling those. I believe I'm stronger and wiser now, though it's not that easy to see how. Hopefully I'll be more eager to seek help next time, which seems to be something I keep coming back to.
I don't know if this blog was encouraging to anyone, it was certainly humbling to admit. I thought this was something I'd dealt with, but I think - temperament-wise - I'll always have 'low' moments. It's dealing with these weaknesses, overcoming them (through Christ) that is life. Once again, Praise God.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Sing your praise to the Lord
What a difference a day makes. What a difference praise makes. That’s simply a part of the freedom we have been promised. Yesterday I wrote – but didn’t post – a short blog:
Ennui
What a beautiful word for an ugly feeling. Trust the French. Well, and the Romans – it’s French from the Latin for “it is odious to me”. It’s a dissatisfied feeling, usually related to boredom… So, I got a theory. My only theory – save unpleasant spiritual thoughts that I won’t delve into – is that I’m neither creating (building something for others to enjoy) nor helping (building others). Okay, well, not quite true – I do feel I’m helping people in various ways. But nothing big. And it seems that that shouldn’t bother me, I should be content in all circumstances. I should use this time to build on my relationship with God and relax.
And the other – I’m still planning on doing volunteer work. It’s a darn challenge to motivate myself to seek it out, though. I’m planning on making time tomorrow, even though Anna’s coming down. Plus cell group starts next week, that’ll be challenging and helpy. Yes, helpy. Oh, and I don’t have a guitar at the moment, the acoustic’s being repaired, the electric (Jess’ electric) is being.re-strung Which will cost a lot. So my very short-lived experiment in not-spending-money-if-possible is postponed. Gah.
Back to the Future, part II.
Not a long blog here, because I've got to leave in 10 minutes. But one thing I keep forgetting, which I ought to remember, is the power of praise. If you can praise God wherever you're at (even a "thank you God that I'm in so much physical and emotional pain" or a "thanks, Lord, that I'm a drug addict" ot "thank you God, for making me feel so far from You" or a "cheers, Jesus, for helping me find my puleron," or whatever), things change. This wasn't a full revelation on my part (one of those life-changing "Oooohhhh, THAT!" moments), rather a re-emphasis of something partly known (a "oh yeah, this is supposed to work... hey, it did!") - I expect the former will come during a low-point.
Ah, kinda lost my train of thought there, but Praise the Lord. Shout-out to Ellie, who possibly found my blog whilst searching for "the Passion" reviews or something, and maybe won't read this. Thanks to Aunt D. for answering her query. And AIESEC... I dunno, really. I think the AIES stand for American International Exchange Students or something like that. Maybe the C is club. But I'm really making this up. It's an International exchange program of... internships, I guess. Hopefully I'll learn more this week.
But I oughta get going. So everybody, on the count of three, praise God!
One...
Two...
Three!
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Blogging from Uni.
What an odd thing to do. Odder is that my once-lost blog from Sunday night has turned up, albeit unpublished. I might just cut-n-paste the 'good bits':
Less...
It's been one of those days. Actually, it's been one of those afternoons, this morning was cool. This afternoon's been a little frustrating, little things building up. But that happens. So, I'm back from Wellington, from Sunny's wedding. It was very nice, though, being a Benton gathering, and being that the meal was delayed until after 10, there were plenty of drunk people. Had some interesting conversations. In fact, I had some good conversations all weekend, but nothing too worth mentioning.
I've finished Soul Survivor, which is a great book. I identified with most of the peoples lives Yancey examines. It made me wonder, if I were an old mentor-type person, what advice would I give? If someone asked me either "What's the best advice you could give me?" or "What's been your motto," what would I say? What would you say? Mother Teresa said to, er, someone: "Pray an hour a day, and don't commit any conscious sins." Interesting advice.
I have three things to write - this, the Passion article (due on Tuesday!) and an e-mail to a friend. This was the easiest option, especially when I wasn't quite in the mood. Lectures start tomorrow, but I'm a bit nonplussed about that. Oscars are tomorrow, that'll be fun. I've been looking forward to it for a year... Hoping for a Lord of the Rings swoop - 11 for 11 (well, 12 for 12) would be great, but I'm thinking it'll be 7 or 8.
My Dad tried to convince me to be a writer, and my Mum tried to convince me to do Bioethics. Well, to be fair, that's a big exaggeration, they just suggested it. Weird thing is, I suddenly find both of those rather appealing. Which I don't understand. I don't know where my film-passion's gone, I think it's just a bit subdued; which makes sense, there's suddenly a lot going on, and none of it's really filmy. Plus I dunno when or if we're gonna make more short films, sadly.
Um, this is a boring blog, I'm gonna stop now. Thought I had something to say. 10 o'clock, when should I go to bed for a 9am start? No idea. Soon, I guess. I was gonna write to my friend after this blog but... I'm not in a writey mood. Which is ironic, cos writings what I need to be doing! Ah, well. Night!
Okay, back to the present.
I ended up quoting the whole thing. Lucky you, eh? Heh. Well, LotR ended up with the 12 for 12, I've written to my friend (and will soon link to her blog - watch the above space) and am half-way through my first week of lectures. In fact, I'm struggling to understand why I'm doing some of my papers - not simply Spanish (which'll be fun) but Competition and Labour Law... hello!? What am I, an economics student? Well, to tell the truth, though they won't be interesting (I'm willing to be surprised), they'll teach me things I'll need to know, that's for sure. It'll be an interesting (BUSY) semester.
In other news, my good friend Anna (who promised she'd read this blog, but has never commented!) is visiting for a week from Saturday. She'll be staying with us Flat 4 boys - I was concerned at how that might seem at first, but it'll be all right. It's not like she'll sleep in my room (unless she finds her 'bed' too rough, then we'll switch). That'll be interesting, she's a good Wellington friend who I haven't seen much for the last three years. She's working with AIESEC, an organisation that has always confused the heck out of me.
Have submitted my Passion article, which will be out next Monday. For those non-Dunedinites who are interested, e-mail me or comment and I'll send it on. As for your question, Donnave, that's a toughie. I'd say that you probably should see it first, because you won't want to talk or do anything but cry straight afterwards. Well, that's my impression. I was somewhat like that myself.
Spanish Tutorial in 15, but I'm gonna make the most of this Uni time, because it took me ages to get this computer. Ah, the psychology of investment of time and effort. I'll be studying you next semester. Hey, anyone else who uses blogspot, have you found that when you try to emphasise a word, the tags ("strong") double up, meaning you have to delete them? That annoys me.
Very interesting Streams in the Desert devotional today, regarding the importance of early morning quiet times. Very interesting. Came to the conclusion last night that I've suddenly come to treat sleeping almost with fear - which is more strange because I used to look forward to it before Summer. What changed? Terrible sleeping in Wellington, coupled with cat-allergies (it was hard to breathe at night). I find that really sad, but I hope to change it back to what it once was. Sleep is a gift, it should be graciously accepted. Actually, on that note, I've noticed a strange nagging dissatisfaction/joylessness since I've been back in Dunedin. Like I either ought to be doing something I'm not, or like I've offended my friends somehow... I just can't place it. It's something I'm gonna get prayer for, cos it could get rather... depressing. Interesting, haven't really focused on it. I'm usually quite a joyful, optimistic person, but I'm finding that to be quite a struggle. Maybe it's fear - fear of the coming year.
Actually, I think that's quite possibly it. Uncertainty, lack of trust. And I don't want to point fingers, but I think that I picked up a whole lot of that back in Wellington. This is one of the reasons it's so important for a Christian to be immersed in or at least 'in' Christian fellowship, to get those mindsets right and keep refreshing them. Struggilicious.
Better go to Spanish now. Hasta luego, chao.