Very brief blog...
Few things to say... two new blogs in the links to my right here - Emma Edwards and the Cutting Edge Missions blog (you read right!) Will put up Ekta's as soon as I find out where it is. Also, Thursday is an important day to pray for, they'll be deciding the Civil Unions Bill (another vote) then. Lastly, I'm doing well, and the girls are here tomorrow, so my next blog will be...
Some time. :-P
Titles are for monkeys
At times I wonder whether there is any... well, utility in personifying the blogisphere as I know it. If I were to do that, I'd currently suggest that Bloggy (to his friends) is going through some tough times. He's a little lonely, and he's got some big struggles coming at him from all directions. That's just an observation. My point is, there are a lot of you out there who seem to be having hard Summers. That's kind of understandable; through my years at Uni, I understand how hard it can be going back home. Sometimes it's like a long hike through the bush, and you're counting down the hours until you go back 'home'. So hang in there, guys, I'm praying for you!
In other news, I can unofficially add an "LLB" after (before?) the "BA" after my name. Last two exams came in - 75% for Evidence, 79% for International Human Rights' Law. That last one surprised me - the paper I was worried about almost the most, that I didn't like almost the most, and it's my best mark this semester. Crazy. So, in summary:
Predictions vs. Actual marks (on the right)
Sentencing Law - 73 vs 67
International Human Rights' Law - 68 vs 79
Evidence Law - 76 vs 75
Social Psychology - 78 vs 75
Cognitive Ergonomics (Psychology) - 75 vs 67
Spanish - 79 vs 76
So I'm an... optimist! Hehe. Quite interesting to look back on it. I was out an average of 5-ish points per paper, that's not too bad. The only one I was overly pessimistic about was IHRL.
And that may be the last time I ever blog about Uni exams.
So what else is new? Day off today, but we didn't get to sleep in, because we went to the prison this morning. It was really interesting to see it - I was a little surprised that the guys there were all just normal guys, the kind I went to high-school with. Not even overly staunch (a couple were apparently crying when the Youth Pastor's wife was telling them about God's plan and love for them). My guitar-playing went down pretty well - although some of them came up to me afterwards and put my guitar-playing to utter shame!
Dave and I had dinner for some workmates last night, that was pretty fun. Two 19-year-old German girls, an Indonesian man in his late-30s and his older girlfriend. We made pasta and salad and had dessert (including cherries... groan!) and it all tasted muy rico, very nice. Had some nice chats with all of them too. Probably the most social thing we've done here, so far. Except for life group, perhaps.
The girls are coming down in a few days, Abbey, Kristy and Thida. I'm so looking forward to it! Although it'll be goodbye - for now. Don't know what we'll do, if we even want to do anything. But we'll work something out. Might have to get them to stay in a backpackers... hope they don't mind!
No other news... my faith has been a little shaken lately, but I was perhaps getting a little complacent with it, so a bit of testing might do me some good. I seem to have been focusing on Him, and getting to know Him, so much that my faith in what He can do for me and others has dwindled. Which is the opposite of what it often is, eh, normally we focus on His power more than His person, but there's danger in either approach, I feel. Or how can we share it? Anyways, it's not an 'issue', I just felt like I needed to write something substantial about my spiritual walk. Otherwise it's going pretty well, I just need to expand my view to encompass more than me and Him.
Sweet as. I'm off to read, I reckon. 2 pm, what else could I do... have a nap? Might go play indoor soccer this afternoon. Might not. That's the kind of CRAZY life I'm living up here. And a final Word - especially to those having a tough Summer - is: "Be still, and know that I am God."
And no, I don't mean know that I am God, weirdos.
PS - Bing or J (if you're still down South), I'm thinking of sending my CV to law firms in Dunedin. If you have a mo, could you e-mail it to me? It's in my My Documents (shared) folder, I think it's called Sam's CV 2004.doc. There's a few different ones, but I think that's it. No urgency (or I wouldn't tack it onto the end of a blog like a lazy bum). Thanks!
Super-secret-special blog... there's a surprise at the bottom!
Two more exam results... again, my predictions were way off. Ah, gotta love optimism. Still, didn't do too bad - Sentencing = 67, Spanish = 76. So that's 2 B-s, 2 B+s. And two I'm still waiting for. The wildcards - International Human Rights and Evidence. Gulpers. So what were my predictions for those'ns? Sentencing was 73, and Spanish was 79. Hmm. Still, I'm happy with that. Two results away from my second degree.
Just saw "Tais-Toi/Ruby and Quentin", a reasonably funny French movie, with David. At midday. Which was a laugh, that was nice. It's our second (well, my second) day off, and we're relaxing. We're about to go shopping, and I saw a pink shirt from Hallensteins for $15 that I quite like. No, I'm serious. Yes, I know there are three things wrong about that sentence, but hey. The times they are a-changin'.
Okay, I should really reply to some comments for once. Dum de doo... Oh hey, by the by, Ruth's blog is back up. Check that link. Say hello. Okay, comments. Thanks for all of 'em, people. Firstly for Mel - yeah, I know God loves me, more than I can imagine. I just struggle with allowing that love, if you get that. Maybe it scares me. I'll tell you what, it does make things a bit difficult - how can I tell people about His amazing love if I'm not experiencing it fully myself? But then, can we ever experience it fully? Hummm. Questions. The vegetarian diet is not a weight loss scheme, though I was half-seriously hoping it might have that effect. Dave's Mom is a vego, and I'm staying with her. Of course, I've only had three dinners there, so I'm doing pretty well. Dave and I have successfully meated-out the other nights.
Gus, thanks for your tips, but I'm in an internet cafe, and it's not often as simple as saving to clipboard. But thanks. Good to hear you're keeping busy, sounds like your job's pretty similar to ours! Dave, I miss you too. :-) I miss you all, actually, but I'm getting by. Can't wait until Kristy and Abbey drop by, sometime. Soon, I hope.
Couple of other things worth mentioning... went to a cell group here - more like a youth group, there were 14 of us. It was very interesting to be reminded of how it used to be, because it was quite... I don't want to say "simple", but it wasn't too meaty. I'm trying to get my thoughts around that, see what I can learn from it and if there's any way I can help the leader or the group. I'm only there for a few weeks. But Dave and I have already been monstered; we're going with a small posse to the youth prison this Sunday morning! Dave mentioned that I could play guitar, shortly after Josh - who usually plays at the prison - said he couldn't make it. Thanks, Dave.
Actually, I'm joking. I'm quite looking forward to it, and I do believe it's a God-thing. It's a little scary, but it wouldn't be worth doing if it wasn't. I don't really know what we're doing there, either, but hey. I'll let you guys know... maybe on Sunday afternoon. But it's interesting, because I've been feeling a bit restless up here, asking God whether I could be doing more. I'm not 100% convinced that this is the most profitable (eek!) way I could spend my time, but we'll see. It may touch more people than I expect. Plus, like I said, I reckon it's a God-thing.
On that note, and as I was saying in my reply to Mel, I'm still a little up and down with God. But then, I wonder sometimes if I do that to myself, y'know... to some extent, I'm a bit of a spiritual ascetic - I'm not growing unless I'm struggling. Which is partially true, although that may not always be the best attitude. God's love, my impact. Those are the two things I'm dealing with at the moment. Actually, God's love has been something I've been dealing with all year, if you remember. Which is a little discouraging, but I reckon I need to keep fighting.
Okay, wow, that sounds like I'm reaaal down. But I'm not, I'm just tired. And I had one of those "I'm going for a walk. I may be some time" quiet times last night, those wrestley ones. I'm really having fun, I promise. And I'm loving God, and He's loving me back - although the first part was definately harder to write.
Am I expecting too much? Nah, I don't think so. I believe in a huge God, and I don't doubt that He's going to come through big-time. And my life - and this blog - will be a huge testimony to his faithfulness.
FYI, Dave and I are at
500 Whitehead Rd
Hastings
06-8764405.
Just, er, FYI. :)
So here's the surprise - a blog from David!
"Hey everyone! Sam's kindly let me highjack his blog, so here I am. Kind of scary really: we eat at the same table 3 meals a day, sleep in the same room, work at the same work, drive in the same car, go to the same movies, same church, cell group, same jail (this Sunday morning in the youth prison, pray for us!) and now we're even co-inhabiting cyberspace. Sam moved into my house and I've moved into his blog.
Well I've been working for the last nine days, a bit of an abrupt start but I'm not finding it too bad, and it's actually quite a cool job. And I PASSED MY EXAMS!! I now have a BA in maths and a BSc in chemistry. I got some of my worst marks ever (Spanish was my highest by 22% over the next best mark!) which is a bit hard on the pride, which is good.
I'm excited and slightly scared about Chile; I knowt hat it will be good, even if it is hard, as long as we stick close to God, and that he has called me to lead the trip this year. It's a bit like bungy jumping, I know I'm safe, but it's still a bit scary, because I'm not in control of my safety. God it the infalliable bungy cord. I guess it's lack of faith, but that's ok, I'm a work in progress.
Ok bye for now, love ya's all! David"
And on that note, I might sign off too. Hey, one month until Christmas...
"Forget everything you thought you knew about Sam..."
... was the title of yesterday's blog. Which didn't post. It's a shame, really, because it was a really long one, and really insightful and funny. Promise. And it cost $2 to write. Oh well, here goes again, I guess! I write... even though no-one's reading at the moment. Summer's really killing the blogging, eh guys? Fair call, fair call.
The big news today is that I just got my two Psyc marks back - Social Psychology was a solid 75, Cognitive Ergonomics was a shaky 67. Thing is, right, I now definately have a BA(Psyc). Why am I not jumping for joy? Possibly the 10 hours of labouring today. And possibly the publicness of an internet cafe. Plus my mark-guesses were perhaps a little... optimistic. I guessed 78 for Social and 75 for Cog E. That last one is a little surprising, but not matter. I'm very pleased with those marks. Still, they're not the one's I'm most looking forward to...
So, how much of yesterday's blog bears repeating? While I mull over that, I'll update you on what's new in my life. Bupkiss. No, just kidding. Yesterday was my first day off and I loved it. Got some great thinking done, some me time, some cool God-time, typed a great blog (d'oh!), ate good food, drove, relaxed. Slept in! What else is new... not too much at all. Well... okay, I'll rehash the last blog.
Firstly the title was a reference to something interesting I discovered yesterday or the day before. And yes, it does show that I'm still a drama queen at heart, and proud of it (which reminds, is anyone else watching 'Angels in America'? It just gets better!). Anyways, you know that Seinfeld episode where George does the opposite of everything he normally does? And it really works for him? Well, yadda yadda yadda, that's my life! Seriously, it's like I'm intentionally going outside of every box everyone (especially me) has placed me in. I theorised about the reasons for this and went into more detail about exactly what I mean, but I'm content now to say that it's a very helpful, enlightening experience. And so far, I'm enjoying it a whole lot more than I thought I would! In fact, I remember thinking when I chose to do this job up here (maybe I blogged about it too?): "My future-self is going to hate my present-self for this!" Well, past-self, I don't hate you, I'm actually most grateful. But then, you're dead and gone, so I shouldn't try talking to you. That's necromancy.
Anyways, the other thing I realised was regarding Cutting Edge, and my role in it. Long story (VERY long story, perhaps it's best that my previous blog got lost) short, God revealed to me that I'm just a steward - not an owner - of CE. Which means that my role next year is not the same as it was this year; I need to be focused on helping to raise up and encourage those who are going to take over. Now, this is a pretty self-evident thing, especially to those who have presumably gone through the same thought processes (Bing, Becs, and Abbey?), but like all revelations, it impacted me profoundly on deeper levels. That's redundant, isn't it? Being profoundly impacted on deep levels? Anyways.
So what this all leads to in a practical sense is an awareness that not everything I have to do next year needs to be direct ministry to students. I have only one year of that. That's one reason I wanted the Yellow-Coat job, so I could continue in that ministry. So perhaps I will try and work in a law firm, I'll think about that. I'll still do things very similar to what I did this year - I really want to lead my life group boys again, as leaders this time (wave to Chris!) - but my focus will also be on moving into whatever is my new area of ministry. Which is incredibly...
Freeing.
In other news, yesterday I also tentatively decided to a) take my car to Dunedin, and b) spend New Years' Eve in Tauranga. Those are both tentative. Er, like I said. Still working out a few other issues, basically my February job and my career direction, but there's still plenty of time.
Spiritually, my time with God is... pretty good, I suppose. Still definitely struggling with letting God love me (see last Sunday's blog), and also feeling like I'm not doing enough to change the world for the better. Prayer on these matters is most welcome! :-)
Life with Dave is going well, Praise the Lord. Eating vegetarian food is going surprisingly well, same with working. I'm very happy, although I'm thankful that there's an end in sight - Christmas Eve! Hopefully my bank account will be looking a little healthier by then.
Best be off, keep reading. I'm trying to blog every two days, but obviously that got a little messed up recently. I'll probably be back on Thursday, if there's something to say, of course. Thanks for your comments, and all. Enjoy the sun!
It's aliiiive
And sitting in an internet cafe in Hastings, New Zealand. Wearing his Hallensteins shirt. Feeling a little sunburned here and there, a little tired, but otherwise fiiine. Otherwise just dandy. Had my first day at work today, and it was... well, I'd love to say it was good, but it's hard not to get incredibly bored picking cherries for 10 hours. Apart from that it was really good. Physically, it's fine, the hours are fine too... just struggling a little with the banality of it. I'm working on that. Building up my motivation. Looking at it as an act of worship, that helps. But yeah, I'm workin' on that.
Not much else going on, actually. When you're working from 7am to 5:30pm, there's not much else *to* go on. We've booked a 10pm curfew, and scheduled quiet times and relaxing and stuff around that. But that's cool, there'll be days off here and there. Time to work on that 'long suffering', hmm? Yeah.
Saw my sister the other day, and Roslyn. Both were very cool to see. And Roslyn puts another big tick in the 'New Years' in Tauranga' box... In other cool news, I'm now the proud owner of an harmonica. In C. Yup, I'm going Dylan all the way. Heh, it'll take me ages to learn how to play it though, so you might need to pray for Dave. :)
I'm missing people a bit, but I'm getting by. Having a good time with Dave, and frankly, I feel quite comfortable here. I think God's really watching over us in this one - and hey, we really couldn't do without it.
Better go. I'll keep blogging when I can... you should do the same!
I just broke two of my big fashion no-nos.
#1 - Never shop at Hallensteins. #2 - Never buy any brown clothes. Today I bought brown clothes at Hallensteins. But I don't feel guilty. In part I accept that I cannot - and should not - attempt to maintain my superficial fashion standards 24/7, especially as a student and as a Christian (it's not as important to me as it once was). Secondly, Hallensteins has actually got some styley stuff in. I know, I know, I'm as shocked as you. Finally: heck, I'm going *fruit-picking*! I'm *still* going to be the styleyest one there! :-) Hehe.
Hey gang, just a brief blog before (ooh-aah-alliteration) catching my flight to Auckers. Had a good time in Wellington, bought a lot of stuff - mostly with my Mum's money. Also saw the Donny Darko Director's Cut - not that different, still a darn good movie - and spent time with my folks. Now I'm off to see my sister and my car.
And with a little luck, I might run into an old friend from Dunedin in Hamilton...
Laterz!
I think… I just… won?
Yo! I’m alive, just thought you’d like to know. Those of you who don’t already. Yup, the 12 weeks of Hellmas are over, and they were pretty tough, but I got through them, and joyfully. It wasn’t as bad as I dreaded, Praise the Lord. No small mercy, that. My last exam was great – well, it wasn’t ‘great’, actually… but God totally showed me what to study – I studied 3/12 of the Course in depth and used all of that for the two essay questions. Which is pretty darn incredible.
Anyway, I can’t be bothered talking about that, that was an eon ago. I’m now unemployed – for another three and a half days. And this is going to be a really short blog, eh, because I’m getting up in less than 6 hours, and I’ve still got to pack, then fly, and fly… which I’m looking forward to now.
I haven’t cried yet. That surprises me.
I’m probably looking forward to this Summer more than I have before, but there’s still some apprehensions. Then again, Summer’s never been a good time for me. That’s interesting… when was my last good Summer? *Thinks*… golly gosh, not never. That encourages me. I’m going to make this my first. My first mostly-good Summer! How many times can I write ‘Summer’ in this sentence? I haven’t seen Summer for ages, but Summer used to be in my life group, last year. Summer’s other name is… what? Naomi, I think. No-one I know calls her that. Summer lovin’, had me a blast…
What? Oh. Yeah. Shouldn’t waste space. Shouldn’t type. I should probably mention all the crazy and fun stuff I’ve been doing over the past while, eh… so much social stuff this weekend. Abbey’s blog is mildly informative on that matter. I can’t be bothered talking about it, but we’ve had a great time. Even this evening was great, trying to weed the “hot” celebrities from the “attractive” ones… heck, it was either that or talk about shaving our legs AGAIN. :-)
So I’m doing well. Feeling less devastated than I feared, it’s been good. Oh hey, thanks especially for those who prayed for my exams, I couldn’t have done it so well without you. Oh right, one last thing… Cognitive Ergonomics (or, as Reuben calls it, Home Economics)… I’d say… 76%. So yay.
This is the last blog from Dunedin for… 85 days, I think. Wow, that doesn’t sound THAT long. Kinda is, I guess. Kinda is. But I’ll be blogging still, so don’t stop reading. God bless you all, have a wonderful Summer.
See you on the other side!
I’m tired.
And not just in the sleepy sense. I’ve reached tiredness in a lot of areas. I need a break, and it’s coming. Well, kind of. I wonder if I should have given myself a longer break before starting work than four days. Especially because those are going to be a busy four days. Four days where I won’t get what I’ve ‘planned’ done because I can’t remember what I ‘planned’. :-) No use thinking about that now, though. I’m saving thinking. Saving it for the 6 weeks I’ll be spending my days picking fruit. That’s my scheduled thinking time. And I’m looking forward to that
More – and this is less whiney than the above paragraph – I’m looking forward to spending a lot of that time with God, because I can. And because my God-times have been incredible this week. I was going to blog about that, but… I kind of don’t want to get my hopes up. See, I’m hoping that things are going well because I’ve reached a new level, in a way. Well, we say ‘reached’, don’t we, but it’s not so much our own doing, yeah? Anyway, I think – tentatively – that prayer with Steve Gwyn last Sunday really opened me up to some awesome communion with God. And yeah, I’m reluctant to confirm that, because I’d so badly hate to be wrong on that point. Because this, this relationship, this is how I want (need?) it to be. This is what I’ve been praying for all year. I’m saying too much for now.
Oh, I had an exam today. THE exam. The nasty one. The “oh my gosh, I just dislocated my shoulder with my notes for the open-book exam” one. Evidence. And it wasn’t easy, and I’m glad I dedicated so much of my time to studying for it. This is an exam which – I hear - either last year or the year before, one person passed from the entire class (pre-scaling, naturally). This is the exam people have cried buckets in. I actually saw the examiners taking tissue boxes into the rooms, it was like an altar call. In many ways.
Anyways, enough tension, enough scene-setting. I was about 6 minutes behind schedule when I finished, but I reckon I did really well. I had to write so fast, and pretty much non-stop for 3 hours. Nasty exam. But yeah, especially after scaling, I reckon that was a good one. I can’t truly guess my mark, because of the scaling, but I might as well keep with the routine. So, Evidence 2004…: 76%. Plus or minus 15%. Heh.
So, technically, I have an LLB. That’s weird. Actually, “technically” I don’t, sorry. Perhaps “practically” is more appropriate. No, not even. “Theoretically”? No… I’m lost for words. This time tomorrow (less… 19 hours from now) we can add a BA to that. Of course… I’m not 100% convinced I’ll pass tomorrow’s paper. I’m serious, actually, not just being dramatic. This exam needs more study time than I can realistically give it. So prayer will be much appreciated. Much much much appreciated. 2:30pm tomorrow.
Yeah, I should be studying now, but like I said, I’m tired. I probably will do a little after this. Probably.
New Years Update (yeah, I keep talking about it. I’m a social guy, and it’s the next thing on my calendar, which is a little sad. It’s hard leaving CE Dunedin over Summer!) – I’ll be taking Charissa and Dave Hawkes with me to Tauranga, whether I go there for New Years’ Eve or on New Years’ Dave. So my decision now affects three people at least. Hah, and you thought it wasn’t important. :-)
Other bits and bobs… Steph’s martyred herself and is taking me to the airport at 7:15 on Monday morning, which is good. She’s the one I wanted to take me, because that way I can say goodbye. Plus she (used to) wake up earlier than any other person I know. I’m feeling the sadness of people leaving now. I’m realising more and more how much a retrospective person I am, which isn’t a good thing. I dwell on the past. That’s the melancholic in me, yeah? Man, I don’t know how I’d cope if I weren’t a Christian. Not because of anything other than (in this case only, obviously!!!) the fact that it’s a religion of hope, I suppose. As in, it always looks ahead and calls the past the past. That makes me snap out of feeling sentimental relatively quickly. Otherwise I’d stay there.
That’s quite a self-revelation, actually, but I won’t go into that.
10:11, I should wrap this up. 49 days left in 2004, that’s almost 1/7 of the year. Man.
Final (one-line?) point: sorry for the slightly-less-than-joyous post, I told you I wuz tired!
Kidman “dating” Bing?
That’s what the headlines read at imdb. I was as surprised as you are. But, alas, Nicole Kidman is not dating our man Brendan, she’s merely having dinner with Elizabeth Hurley’s ex-boyfriend, billionaire movie producer Steve Bing. So no scandal there. Well, not in our world, anyway.
Four down, two to go. My 12 days of Hellmas have turned out to be quite enjoyable. I’m looking forward to Saturday night, and the next two exams are looking rather formidable. But I’ll get through them. Thanks for all your support, eh. It’s been really helpful. Oh yeah, Monday’s exam, SPAN 132… well, it wasn’t as easy as SPAN 131, of course. Probably because I didn’t really study for it. But then, it wasn’t bad. I’d give myself… hmm. Let’s say 79% for the paper, because they mark easy. It would be higher, but yeah, I know I made some mistakes on the test. Exam. Test. Heh.
Monday night I had a great Boys Prayer with, well, my boys. Good times, good prayer. Tuesday morning we had a “prayerwell” (my word for when you say “farewell” by praying for people. Pretty nifty, hmm? :-) ) for the Chile team, which was also really good. Then in the afternoon we had another “prayerwell” for Dan’s life group. Meaning I prayed for 13 people in 24 hours. Well, 11. I prayed for Dave 3 times, heh. Which, you know, isn’t that weird. But man, I was spiritually exhausted by the time the last one happened, so I didn’t really get much praying done there. Ah, well.
Oh yeah, the biggest part of that exhaustion was that Monday night was a very sleepless night. On the positive side, I went back to the Doctor, and he’s given me a stronger dose – 25mg of Dothiepin. Which is the drug my sister recommended. And it seemed to work really well last night, and I didn’t even wake up during the night. So, fingers crossed, this is the one! There’s been a bit of concern from friends and family that I’m on this drug, and some of the side-effects I’m experiencing, so I’m going to be carefully monitoring its effects, eh. I think this is an unusually stressful time for me, with exams, so that makes things different. Oh, it’s not like I’m mentally stressed, just physically. You know, constant adrenaline, et cetera. I’m quite peaceful emotionally, that’s good news.
Um, what else, what else. New Years, yeah… there are thoughts of going up to Coromandel, now, because that would be cool. I’m undecided. It seems that Charissa and Dave Hawkes will be taking the Wellington to Tauranga leg with me, whenever I do that. My options were to drive there for New Years’ Eve, or to drive there on New Years’ Day. I might choose the first option; although I’d love to hang in Welly with my friends, I will most likely be spending that whole week before NYE with them/some of them anyway. But then, I’ll be spending a month with the people I’ll see in Coromandel/Tauranga… meh! I’ll sort it out one day.
I feel like I’m getting closer to God. I’m really working on letting Him in more (which is hard, because I thought I’d let Him in all the way already), and yeah, it seems to be helping. It’s too early to tell, but please keep praying about that. I’ve had a few great times of just hanging with Him and chatting, which is really incredible, and I’m hoping that that grows. In fact… (pause to reflect) I think that’s about the only thing I actually want right now. I mean, in my own life (barring, like, friends and family getting saved; world peace; an end to famine, etc). Because everything else I might want (joy, security – e.g. a job) seems to come from that. Actually, that’s kind of “seek first the Kingdom of God and all the rest shall be added to you”, isn’t it? Coolness.
You might be keen to know that my blogging/e-mailing/internet access will probably be slightly more frequent than I feared it would be over Summer. So do keep visiting regularly, you’ll pick up my new pace soon enough.
Despite the fact that people keep mentioning it while praying for me – including saying that I need to be prepared for the next opportunity – I really haven’t thought about next year much at the moment. Probably because of exams and my focus on God, I guess. Which is theoretically how it should be. Well, except for the exam part, that’s clearly of the devil. :-)
Not heaps to discuss here, you can probably tell I’m in a good place, feeling a bit mellow (possibly the drugs, possibly exams and lack of socialising), enjoying life. Oh yeah, I saw that they passed the Care of Children Bill, meaning that… what does it mean? I think that gay couples can adopt children now. And Yasser Arafat is dead. No, Yasser Arafat’s alive. No, Yasser Arafat’s dead. Who knows? Not me.
‘bout time I blogged again!
Hey, gang! Welcome to another Special Sunday blog! Yay! So, wow, so much seems to have happened over the past few days, but I don’t think much actually has. My third exam was probably the worst so far, but even that was sweet as. High 60s for that one… let’s say 68% for International Human Rights Law. I like recording my guesses; then I can compare them later. In Hastings. On this blog, never fear.
Studying pretty hard for my Friday exam, I don’t actually think I’ll get through everything, which is quite a shock. It won’t be a huge problem, though. I’ll get through enough to do well. I’ve studied one hour in total for tomorrow’s exam, Spanish. I know, it’s slack, but it’s prioritizing. I’ve passed it, and I’ll study tomorrow morning. And not much for Saturday’s exam, either. But that’s all right, I think. Friday’s is the big scary one.
Speaking of, I’ve only got 7 ½ days left in Dunedin… actually, only 6 left as a student, probably ever! Well, not counting Profs, of course. On that note, I saw Pastor Andy at church today, and he asked me how things were going after our chat… gave him a brief summary (“haven’t got around to thinking about it, but I will!”) and I kinda feel like I snobbed him off. Bum.
That’s one of the hard things about Cutting Edge – there’s always something that needs to be done after church. I was supposed to help Nam distract Steve and Indra so people could surprise them with flowers, but I ended up going up for prayer. Actually, on that note, Steve Gwyn prayed with me about the whole “God keeping His distance” thing, and was really spot on with identifying that, which makes me feel… you know, validated. He also said there was a big anointing on me – which I’ve kinda heard and believed all along, and that this blockage is, well, blocking it. We pretty much identified the blockage as being a deep-rooted expectation within me that God wouldn’t want to love me all the way, which makes sense. Not quite sure what to do with that, but we had a great prayer time, and I’ll get back to Him. I’ll be lifting that up to Him, it’s really quite exciting, actually!
Oh yeah, got my second CD from LifeFM yesterday – wow, that was fast! Pun not intended, cos the CD is “WOW HITS 2005”, which I’m really loving! More so than the other, which is very punk/heavy metaly. Not that it’s bad, but there’re a number of tracks that I’m not overly fond of.
Mmm, on TV tonight is the “Angels in America” mini-series with Al Pacino and Meryl Streep. Looking forward to that, although it’s a 6-parter, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep watching it in Hastings. We’ll see.
Sleeping, how’s that going? Not too great… these pills are definitely having an effect, but it’s not the right one. I’m wondering if they’re actually keeping me awake. I’ll try it again a few times, but I might be heading back to the Doctor. Like, I’m lying awake at night, quite sleepy, but my heart’s pumping quite fast. When I get off to sleep eventually, I wake up a lot during the night (which I never do!), but get back to sleep pretty quickly. I usually wake up earlier, but feel like I’ve slept for hours, which is great – and weird! So, I dunno. We’ll see. Watch this space, or something.
After church today, a large bunch of us went to Tunnel beach and had a bit of a picnic/cricket game (which – groan – I enjoyed). Quite a tiring afternoon, but really good. And on Friday night we had Bing’s Big fireworks Bash, which was really good. Heaps of people, maybe… 40-ish? Good stuff. Then a few of us played Risk until 3am – Dave won one game, I won the other. Deservedly ;-).
The end is approaching pretty fast, and I’m looking forward to next year more than I am to Summer. Probably because I know I’ll have heaps of cool friends here, and a home of my own (i.e. my room, rather than someone else’s). On the other hand, I know that Summer’s going to be cool, and a time of growth. I just don’t want to let go of this place! Thank heavens I’m being forced to, yeah? Otherwise I’d stay here forever!
And I’d get disappointed. Hmm, good point, whoever whispered that in my ear. Good point.
One more thing – I’ve been trying to work out what I’m doing for New Years’ Eve. My two options seem to be Tauranga or Wellington. Anyone got any thoughts? I know it’s still… 55 days away, but I’m working out what everyone’s doing before I leave. Because I wanna be in the funnest place ever. I’m a NYE fan. Hang on, 55 days… that means…
48 days until Christmas!
Procrastiblogging
Naw, it’s a study break. I'm, er, I’m just fulfilling my blogligations. I have something to say. Ah, who am I kidding, I have no excuse. I feel like blogging. Although surely it could wait until this time tomorrow, after “International Human Rights Law”… nope, now.
Social Psychology this morning, I’d predict a, well, hmm. What was my internal? Dunno. We’ll be optimistic and say 78%. It was pretty good, but basically repeating my notes. Tomorrow… tomorrow’s gonna be a hard one. Writing essays on something I don’t fully understand. I’m having flashbacks to Jurisprudence, the abstract exam I was freaking about in the 2002 Summer exam period. But I did really well, to my surprise. This time I might even be over-prepared; who knows.
I just won another CD (double-CD, actually) off LifeFM – WOW Hits 2005. But then again, out of the… eight(?) things I’ve won from them, only half of them ever arrived, so I’m not getting my hopes up. I won something a month ago that never came. I’m wondering if one of the other flats has a big stash of my CDs. :-) Wait, gift horse, mouth (mouse?). I’m glad I won, I am. I’m just… not counting my chickens. At the very least, I got to request a song!
That’s getting awfully close to a mixed metaphor there.
Bing’s Fireworks Spectacular tomorrow night, that’ll be a blast. I can’t believe I just said that, what a weirdo! By the way, if anyone’s coming, we may need a few more fireworks, if you catch my drift. We have a small-ish amount of BIG bangs. Hmm… maybe we should keep some for Man-Camp 2005. Anyways, I hope the weather’s good. It’s been a bit crazy today, hot but windy. And overcast. Which is good for fireworks, except for the windy bit.
How’s everything else going with me? Pretty good… I got some sleeping pills yesterday, which I’m happy about. Tried them last night, but they seemed to wear off by the time I got to bed. You’re supposed to take them with dinner, but dinner was at 6:30 and I got to bed around 11:30. So, er, I might work on that. They were working pretty good during that time, though! Felt slightly groggy this morning, but felt like I had the first decent sleep in a long time. Even though I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep. And I think I’ve spent too much time talking about this. Oh, one last thing… the pills are sold as mild antidepressants (although not in the small dose I take), and we had Boys’ Prayer last night, yeah? And when it came to be my turn to talk about how I’m going, I pulled out a ripper with my “I’m feeling pretty happy, but that could just be the antidepressants.” You may have had to be there, but I had to blow my own trumpet with that one. Y’know how it goes.
Feeling socially deprived, slightly. Not socially, actually, ‘socially’ has been good. But I’ve been missing having those deeper conversations with some of my friends. I mean, apart from Bing and Dave. And my life group. Okay, I guess I basically mean my chick-friends. Don’t have much of time to work on it, though…maybe this weekend… ah, we’ll see.
Man, check out that last paragraph. Seems I always have something to complain about. I bet, yeah, I bet if you checked through all my blogs, there wouldn’t be one 100% positive one. What a chump I am. Look, even that sentence is self-deprecating. :-)
Still haven’t managed to sit down and nut out things like my career direction, my job next year, and my role in Cutting Edge next year. I should probably do that last one before talking to Dan… or maybe after? But yeah, I’m not a big one for making decisions like that (turning abstract desires into solid goals) until the last minute, if at all. But I reckon I will do it some day.
Soooomeeee daaaay…
EDIT - 1 HOUR LATER
Mmmmm, pie... sweet, sweet pie. Sweet, sweet humble pie. Sweet, sweet, guess-what-just-came-in-the-mail humble pie. Sweet, sweet, guess-what-just-came-in-the-mail, looks-like-it's that-CD-I-won-four-weeks-ago humble pie.
Cough.
It begins...
... after a bad night's sleep (not surprisingly, night before my first exam). It went well, pretty well indeed. Praise the Lord! I'd predict a 73% for Sentencing. Next exam is in 40 hours and counting. Hope everyone else's exams are going well!
And October is… OVER!
I cannot believe it’s November. Eesn’t that veird? Yes. 14 more days left in the fair city of Dunedin. I fly to Wellington (to see my parents and get some clothes) on the morning of the 15th (Monday), fly to Auckland on the afternoon of the 16th (to see my sister and get my car) and drive to Hastings on the 17th (to see Dave and get some work), starting work on the Thursday. I’ll be back in Welly for Christmas, not sure of my plans after that… gotta be in Tauranga on the 2nd of January for missions. Yay!
Those are my plans. I just thought you’d like to know.
And, I suppose, I should mention the comments on the last blog. Or perhaps reply to them all. Individually. No no, that’s not happening. But I’m glad you got some good usage out of it, you three, and yes, I was pleasantly anno^H^H^H^H surprised. So, er, ta. Also, as for the insomnia thing, I’m going to book a Doc’s appointment later on this week. My sister (it runs in the family) recommends ‘Prothiaden’, but I’ll see what Doc says.
Oh yes, I should also mention that I now have one day left before the 12 Days of Hellmas (I should really stop calling it that. So negative :-) ) officially begins. And I’m feeling really calm. I have my own thoughts about why that is, but… well… I was going to explain in a really deep and thoughtful blog, but I don’t feel like I should right now, which is strange. I’d better go on my intuition then, at least for now. Although it’s been wrong before…
But that doesn’t leave me with much to talk about! I could talk about how exhausting (in a good, productive way) today was, but… actually, just worshipping, that takes it out of me. There’s a question for all you Christians out there – I’ve always interpreted “love the Lord your God with all your… strength” as meaning that you need to go hard 100% when you’re worshipping. Is that right? Because it means that I’m totally drained by the time the sermon starts! Heh, that’s only a half-serious question.
I haven’t read much lately, which is a bit strange. Maybe that’s related to my sleeplessness somehow. Going to need some more books for the holidays, I reckon. Yup. Reckon. Actually, you know what I really want? I want some books from the Bible written on flashcards, so I can memorize it while picking cherries. How funky would that be? I’d give that at least a ‘6’ on the “Sam scale”. Of course, that scale only goes up to ‘7’. And it starts at ‘3’.
Hmm… maybe it should go up to ‘11’.
I’m thinking about next year a lot, what with planning meetings and a lot of ‘free’ time (read: ‘procrastinating’ time). More thinking about not knowing about next year. It’s not that that bothers me much anymore (Thank the Lord! Actually, that doesn’t deserve to be in parentheses…) Thank the Lord! That’s kinda broken the flow a bit. But yeah, it’s great that I’m really at peace about that – I think people have been praying for me! Thanks! Where was I… oh yah, I was about to say that not knowing means I can make plans for next year.
Well, that’s a bit of a lie. I’ve accepted Profs, so that means May 16-August 16 is out of the picture. Which means no Convergence for Sammy, sadly. That’s okay. And I’m planning (see, I can plan!) to have some part/half/full-time job until then, which would mean that my evenings and some of my days are free – so I’ll be busier than next year. Heck, what more do I need to know? Y’know, strangely I’m more curious about what I’m doing after August 16 than before May 16… maybe I’m presuming the first 3-month slot will be quite menial work – which this Summer will prepare me for!
What I need to do – this is building on what Andy Smith (sorry that I stole him from everyone, by the way!) was talking to me about – is sit down and work a few things out. Especially – 1. “What kind of job – specifically – do I want for that 3-month slot?” and 2. “What is my role/purpose in Cutting Edge Dunedin 2005?” Because I feel called to work with students next year, but what does that actually mean? If I can’t see that, I’ll get frustrated.
For number 2., it’s quite interesting. Next year, with this new “everybody’s a leader”-approach CE’s taking, I’m feeling a little less… important, I guess. Which I’m not overly concerned about; it never was about me. On the other hand, I enjoy organising and (co)leading really well, and if there’s going to be less of that for me to do, how can I contribute? Interesting. Does there need to be a ‘role’ for me? Does there need to be a gap/need that only I can fill? Heck, what are my talents and gifts? Oh, I kinda know what they are on an individual sense, but what about on the organisational level?
Ahhh… I might be thinking too worldly on this one. Perhaps I need to be thinking “how can I serve Cutting Edge?” Or perhaps “how can I, as a Cutting Edger, serve the world?” Heck, what should I be thinking? Am I just jealous of people who have ‘branches’ – like the ‘management branch’ or the ‘prayer branch’? No, I don’t think that’s it. Am I afraid of just being ‘that other guy who does the Oscars?’ No, I don’t think it’s really an identity thing. Is it? Hmm… no, don’t think so.
Maybe I’d rather be a ‘planner’ than a ‘doer’. Maybe I’m more comfortable with a hierarchy where the experienced give commands to the lower down. If so, that’s kinda despicable. Hey, wait a second… can you have “kinda despicable”? Does that make sense? Right, sorry, distracted. But, uh, interesting point. Interesting points, all of them. It seems to all come back to that revelation I got earlier on in the year, regarding my fear of being underused in my career… what was that… something about “selfish ambition” being a sin and laying it all down before God. Because, all in all, I’m here to serve God, and the way I feel called to do that is through Cutting Edge. That’s all. How best can I serve God through Cutting Edge?
Isn’t that the question?