“Grond will breach it”
Oscars tomorrow. No Lord of the Rings. Worse: no Abbey. Waaaah~! In fact… hmm. I need to ask Dave (fine, DAVID) if he minds us watching it ‘til 2:30am. I’m not sure how he’ll take it, so I’ve given this blog that title to appease him (and Gus) [editor's note - it's okay with the D-man!]. For those long-distance friends, betting for money won’t work, because of our rules (i.e. sometimes we make last-minute changes when we see bet-overlaps – and once we’ve heard the ‘original songs’. BUT I would love to hear your guesses, so please feel free to e-mail me with them, and I’ll print them out and tick ‘em off ‘with’ you. :-)
That paragraph was mainly to reply to the comments, which was sneaky. And to – hopefully – get me into a writing mood. It hasn’t kicked in yet, but it will. Hey, speaking of non sequiturs (that joke will never get old), you know that verse in 1 Corinthians 13:13 – “And now abide faith, hope, and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love”? Well, you do now. Anyways, that’s always confused me. What does “And now abide” mean? Does that mean they are the three foundational… erm… principle-things? I can get why love is the greatest – although, that’s certainly interesting in itself. Why is love greater than faith? Without faith it is impossible to please God – although we are commanded to love… Anyway, the point I’m really wanting to talk about is…
And this deserves a new paragraph. Actually, this is a grammatically terrible place to have a new paragraph, but I want to rest your eyes.
Hope. I always wondered why hope was in there. Okay, I understand how hope is good, but isn’t faith so much more important? Do we need to have hope if we have faith? If faith is the substance of things hoped for, does that mean that hope is insubstantial? That’s something that I‘ve been thinking about. Randomly, God’s also been teaching me about hope, and its importance. Especially the fact that a person with hope is often a beacon for others – you can share your hope with others, but it’s harder to share your faith. Right, well, I just wanted to say that. That’s all good.
No news on the job-front as of yet, although I have many ‘promising’ leads and contacts – especially this one lady at WINZ. Speaking of, I need to find out when I actually start getting the Benefit… and how much it is. And I need to go talk to some bigwigs.
Mmm, which reminds, I saw ‘Vera Drake’ the other night, which was the last film on our pre-Oscar must-see list (Best Actress, Best Director, FYI). It had a harrowing court-scene in it (I will say no more), and it made me seriously think about whether or not I could emotionally/spiritually/psychologically handle that. I felt so sympathetic toward the accused, although not necessarily the crime, and wasn’t sure how I would deal. The lingering shot of the Judge leaving the Court after pronouncing his slightly-severe judgment seemed to emphasize (and negatively portray) his detachedness from the prisoner’s plight. But there’s no other way to handle that other than in a manner detached from the prisoner.
So yeah, a lot of big thoughts about that one. My consolation through this event was the fact that I’m not going to be plunged into a barrister career, and that I’ll have plenty of time to deal with these thoughts, feelings and fears. On that note, I keep wondering if the reason I’m pursuing the law path is that I’m too frightened to choose the film/acting path I really want to take.
A few hours later… yeah, I need to post this. I need to blog. Then again, I need to stop and focus, too. Self-awareness and reflection is so important at this time, when things are so up in the air. Self-awareness in the sense of – am I doing enough to find a job, and is this the right way to go about it?; and also in the sense of – are those depressing thoughts sneaking back in? And at the same time, reflection is so hard to do, because there seems to be a stagnancy that is never nice– or worth – reflecting upon.
But I must. And I must make a to-do list for tomorrow, to motivate me. I must pray – I reckon in the park across the street, again – to keep in the right state of mind. I must complete (and start) those blasted Oscar nominations. I must call our landlord in the morning and tell him that our water is coming out of the tap boiling, which is never a good thing. I must remember to use the downstairs shower.
This seems like something from the opening credits of ‘The Simpsons’. Which, mind, is always at the beginning of the show. You know how most (?) TV shows (especially comedies) usually have a 5 minute pre-credits section? It’s strange how The Simpsons doesn’t. Maybe it’s a recent thing, to do that, and The Simpsons is old. I just thought of all that. You should be proud of me.
Had a few good talks today. Lyds, Scott, Justin… that’s good. ‘What Colour is Your Parachute’ says that during the job-hunting time, you need to have more than one goal. That is, finding a job shouldn’t be all you are trying to do. This way you keep your morale up. And it works, and it’s so important. It helps being a Christian, having a lifelong ‘mission’. On the other hand, that’s true for all life, not just now. I need – as do most of us – a mission to live for. “For which to live;” sorry to the grammar junkies.
On that note, I remember back in secondary school, before I was a Christian. I was never depressive/suicidal in the true sense, but I went through some stuff. It’s what teenagers do. Anyway, I always used to get through my depressions by saying to myself, “Look, you don’t want to hurt yourself at least until you’ve seen all three Lord of the Rings movies…” Sad, isn’t it? Then again, it was probably quite… helpful. Not that I would have done anything, even then. But the point is, those films were something else to live for. I only just re-remembered this when I saw the Return of the King for the first time.
So that’s a happy note! Hehe. But it proved my point. Anyways, my secondary mission for this time-period (actually, it would really be my primary mission, if it were more measurable) is to get closer to God. Which is obviously my life-mission too. But it’s still a struggle, getting closer. It seems like a long time since I’ve ‘advanced’, if you know what I’m saying. I’ve had some good refreshing times, times of clarity and times of stabilization, but I don’t seem closer than, say, I was in December. But I choose to believe that it will happen. I guess I didn’t think it would be this much of a fight. Ah well, I’m not really thinking about that at the moment.
Nor am I thinking about the Oscars. I should be. I should be excited. Especially with so few certain winners… I’d better get going. It’s almost midnight!
Hey, at least I don’t have a 9am start for once! :-)
Oscars Ballot
For those who are curious, or the select few who are coming to watch it with us on Monday night (I think it's... 10:30pm?), I've FINALLY managed to find printable ballots on a single page: here, and here. Print away, and start ticking!
Oh, actually, for those who ARE coming, and who are keen to bet, put your first three choices for each category... that makes things interesting!
MARCH 2004 SUMMARY
Okay, okay, I’m SORRY it’s been so long since I’ve blogged! I’ve been busy-ish, okay, BUSY-ISH! Ahem. But, as the title suggest, I have been working on something. But before I get into that, a brief update on me: no news. Hehe. There’s really not much of interest to say – no promising job leads, but no discouraging results either; I’m not feeling super-great, nor bad; I’m neither excited about something nor bored; I’m just a-chugging along. There’s a bunch of stuff happening, and a lot of little things I’ve been doing (watching the Chile video [4 hours long!] for one thing, watching RotK:EE and The Pink Panther for another, and, obviously, organizing things, et cetera), but not anything worth mentioning. I could possibly be a little closer to God, which I reckon I might get onto once this is posted.
Oh, and one more thing. In response to Emma’s similar frustration over “by the by”, I’ve found out what it means and where it comes from. The second ‘by’ refers to ‘a secondary topic of discussion, or side-note’. So it’s basically saying “as an aside”, or “this is slightly off the topic”. Which means, really, that it would make a great title for my blog. But I like the one I’ve got, thankyouverymuch.
Onwards…
MARCH 2004 SUMMARY
Topics discussed:
· Life mottos
· Future career possibilities
· Fear over lack of direction and guidance
· Why am I studying Spanish, Competition and Labour Law???
· Current state of joylessness/dissatisfaction due to a fear of the unknown (=lack of faith), mixed with ennui, leading to low-level depression.
· Volunteer work
· Not spending money needlessly
· The power of praise in all circumstances
· AIESEC
· My growing struggles with joylessness and emptiness (which I later believe were the response to prayer)
· Life group, and my vision for it
· Friendship
· Stressing about doing everything just right, in my own strength
· Revelation: The importance – to me – of blessing people through what I say, particularly in my blog (as a testimony)
· Time management, and feeling guilty about seemingly ‘not doing enough’
· My plans for life group, and whether they are also God’s plans – as well as whether my struggles will negatively impact my leadership
· My directionlessness, in contrast to everyone else saying how important vision is. Possible reasons for this.
· The surety that I will come through these struggles stronger than before (guess what – I did!)
· How Caramello chocolate is the cure to all the world’s problems
· The Terrifying Call to Evangelism
· Prophecies – especially my own. Including: that I would get to a place of inner peace (check – in the sense that was meant) that would greatly increase my faith (check), that I would get an increased passion for the lost (check), “seek and you will find” (HELLO! Check!), and that I would find myself working with kids/youth (which I was unsure about, but that could have referred to Chile!)
· Why eating your own snot was recommended by a top doctor
Events in my life:
· Cousin’s Wedding in Wellington
· Wrote an article on The Passion for ‘Critic’
· Lectures start
· The 2004 Oscars
· Seriously considered studying Bioethics in 2005!
· Anna from Wellington is an honourary Flat 4 ‘boy’ for a week.
· Trouble sleeping
· Allergies to cats and dust mites
· I am guitarless for a while
· Life groups start
· I start blogging from Uni
· Boys’ prayer with Bing and Dave becomes more and more vital
· My jaw hurts… turns out my glands are up because I’m sick.
· I MC Oxygen
· I rediscover the stacks of Bible verses I have written on my desk
· We get DSL!
· I start to recognise a strange prayer-blockage, and work on this
· I get attacked by a dog, which destroys my new shorts
· I struggle with my law moot
· Jesse O’Brien prays for me in front of church, then Pastor Mike does the same
Events in the life of friends:
· Everyone else seems to be struggling, too
· Des graduates
· PJ and Jelte leave (that was a YEAR ago???)
Social events:
· My first life group of the year
· Penny’s 21st
· Yasmin’s 21st
Movies discussed:
· The Passion
· Return of the King
· 30 second Exorcist, remade with bunnies
Books discussed:
· Soul Survivor, by Philip Yancey
· Streams in the Desert, by L.B. Cowman
· Job
· The Power of Praise
Thoughts now about then:Well, I was definitely struggling with things. But I was also fighting, and seeking help through it all, which has been an important theme in my life, not to mention realising that the struggles are working out God’s good purpose. Quite an important month in terms of personal growth, but also a very introspective and self-centred month. I can identify with all the issues, because I still struggle with most of them, although my struggles have definitely… advanced, I suppose. For example, I’m more at peace with my frustrations with my level of relationship with God, and I have a better idea of my direction now – or at least, a better idea of my immediate direction.
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And that's that. Tomorrow, 8:30am meeting with WINZ (call me... Benefit-Boy!). Oh, and tonight, 8pm, helping Dan and co.'s new flatmate, Kirsten, sell glow-sticks and rings at tonight's O'Week event. Wot fun, eh? Please keep praying for a job for me! Thanks.
Goooooooing… up!
In all honesty, folks, this is a pretty difficult time. I’m having my ups and my downs in this time, so things are a little shaky. It’s been tough getting up in the mornings, which is something I haven’t felt in a long time. And I want to get this across, because I feel the need to be honest about this. This is a struggle. Fortunately, I know it’s a struggle that I’ll get through in one piece (and, so the theory goes, a whole lot stronger), which helps me weather it. But yeah, it’s not easy here.
But I’m getting a lot of help. From God, naturally – but the peace He gives when you give Him your problems is pretty supernatural, and incredible; and also from friends and family. I know there’s no magic solution to all this, so just having people to talk to about it with, and to understand that it’s hard for me… that’s a great help. So to all those out there with similar feelings – be they due to being unemployed, or living in a place that you’re not sure you really want to be, or both – I understand some of your hurt. Let’s talk about it, sometime.
The next day: well, today’s my day of prayer + planning. And fasting, but I can see that not lasting too long! I forgot how hard that was… [in retrospect – it lasted until about 2pm!] Speaking of, I feel like balancing out those first two paragraphs with something from the other end of the spectrum. Today – although it was hard to get out of bed (the thought of a day dedicated to prayer is still not the most exciting one, to me) – I felt a renewed sense of challenge to the above problem. And excitement – specifically excitement over the fact that this is new. This is something I haven’t faced before. And that gets me going, in a good way! And that’s a great description of how I’m going at the moment – sometimes it’s like the first two paragraphs, sometimes it’s like this one. And through it all, God is an awesome… I’m not sure. Mediator between the two, I suppose.
And on that note, I was reading some of Philip Yancey’s “The Jesus I Never Knew” (another great one!) as part of this day’s activities, and I came to something that struck me. Yancey was talking about a conversation he once had with a woman in an airport, and how he was discussing various burdens and doubts he’d encountered blah blah blah. She said “Do you ever just let God love you?” This brought a great revelation to me of God’s love for me – and that’s something I’m often struggling with, and is the answer to so many of life’s problems.
That in itself also emphasized the great desire, the great passion I have to share those sorts of revelations. This blog has helped me do a lot of that, as has leading life groups and one-on-one chats, but is there some way (and I know I’ve brought this up before) of incorporating that passion into a job? The only way I can think of is as a writer, but… hmm. Or a speaker of sorts, I suppose.
It’s always been the way, actually. I mean, it’s always been one of my biggest passions, sharing things with others. Not tangible things, I can be pretty stingy at times, but things like the above, or great movies or books (heh, see above) that have impacted me. I’m not sure why. I used to have “Movie Nights” in secondary school (they were famous among my friends, great times) where I’d rent 10 videos and get a bunch (8-14) of people around to watch them all in a row. We only got through about 6 of them, usually, but I enjoyed sharing those so much. That’ll also be why I get so disappointed when people don’t like movies I highly recommend. And why I get bitter when people dismiss those movies or TV shows or whatever that I enjoy, without even trying them for themselves.
I mean, it’s the same for most people, but I think it’s a particularly strong desire in me. Maybe I should work in a video hire store and give recommendations all day. Tongue in cheek there. But yeah, it’s not just movies, that’s what I said at the beginning. Huh, interesting thoughts. Interesting thoughts especially at a time when I’m just about to investigate what my passions are, for the purpose of finding the right job (seriously, I’m just about to start that chapter in the Parachute book – ahem, which, er, I highly recommend, in case you missed it).
Anyways, I thought I’d like to keep you guys updated on my thought processes at this time. I make no apologies in the possible event of a ‘down’-blog in the near future, but I will assure you that it will only be a temporary-‘down’.
A day (or two? No, just the one) later: Well, I didn’t intend this to be a journey through or an example of the rollercoaster that *is* my life at the moment, but hey, there it is. Now, I suppose, I’m at one of the highpoints, although it certainly feels like I’m on quite a stable foundation. For the record, I saw both the Spanish-language film ‘Maria, Full of Grace’ and ‘The Aviator’ today, and loved them both. Now I just need to see ‘Million Dollar Baby’, ‘Vera Drake’ and perhaps ‘A Very Long Engagement’ (and, have I time, ‘The Chorus’) and my pre-Oscar run is complete. But that’s all by the by (yes, I would like to know where *that* phrase comes from, but I’ll have to save that for another day).
So the high-point of today was – apart from two very good movies – a coffee date with my friend and mentor, Kirk McKay. I used to see him weekly when I first became a Christian, but he went overseas, and then moved to Christchurch, so our relationship has been a little more… sporadic. Anyway, I just ‘happened’ to bump into him on Monday, and he just ‘happened’ to have a space to see me today (although our 10am appointment got bumped back to a 4:30, hence the midday movie).
He had some incredibly encouraging words for me, as ever. And, as I do, I’ve noted them down, and I’ll briefly share the points that left the biggest impressions. Partly for you guys, but mostly for me. First of all, he talked about a revelation he’s moving into at the moment, the revelation of God’s peace. Basically – and though it’s not the first time I’ve heard this, it certainly is more powerful when heard as a testimony, rather than a teaching – God’s path is covered with peace, and when we worry or are anxious, that’s not part of the plan. That means any anxiety at all. Kirk said that anxiety is a signal to us that we need to take a step back, pray, and find God’s path again.
On that note, and in a sense that is more relevant to me at this present time, my fear that I will ‘miss my calling’ by choosing a wrong path is itself out of God’s plan. I ought to trust Him for the present, and be assured that God will direct my paths. Using a story from his own life, he showed me the God often won’t use the direct, shortest-distance-between-two-points route, but will get us where He’s taking us through ways that often seem strange to us. Which, in a nutshell, helped confirm my view that I am to look for a law job now, until profs in May – so I can see how I like it - and then see what happens. God could speak to me more about this matter during, or after, or whatever. It was also encouraging to hear him mention the wisdom of following in the advice given to me by those in authority over me (namely, my parents), in absence of revelation. He said that this fear that I had was an attack that should be countered with the Word of God – the devil wants us to think that we are the ones in control of everything, even our futures.
There were other points, but that was the basic outline. Most simply, it’s Proverbs 3:5-6 (Trust in the Lord) all over again, with a bit of Philippians 4:6-7 (Be anxious for nothing… and the peace of God) thrown in. Which – fancy that – have always been the most pertinent verses for me. I have them written on my desk, right in front of me. And my wall. Huh. You’d think a guy would learn.
So where to from here? Firstly, Kirk has also offered to contact some lawyer friends of his (including Peter Sara) asking for work, and giving me their numbers. WINZ is seeing me on Thursday, and tomorrow night we have the leaders’ advance for Cutting Edge (which, natch, will rock!) So I’m just gonna relax, trust God, and have some fun. And actually start looking for work next week – which, at the moment, doesn’t scare me one bit.
And that’s the gospel truth.
It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged from here…
Three months. And it’s been three days since my last blog; which seems like a while to me. I’ve been in an un-blogging space. You get that way sometimes – well, I do. My mind’s a bit muddled at the moment, I think. I don’t like to blog with a muddled mind, but then, oftentimes (there’s another word I’ve never used before!) bloggine – or writing – helps the process. At this point, most of you other bloggers are smiling and nodding, right?
So I got back into Dunedintownville on Friday night, and I’ve been feeling strange ever since, but I can’t quite pin it down. I think it’s a combination of feeling lonely/detached/disembodied (stay with me on this one) and feeling simultaneously ready and far from ready to look for work. As for the first point, I guess Dunedin is not the same as it was when I left; it’s definitely not the same as I imagined it over Summer. That’s because of the lack of a handful of key-people. But also, I’m not the same. I’m no longer a student, and that’s making more of a difference than I thought it would. I feel out of place, although only in my head. It’s not like anyone treats me differently.
Although several people have commented that I’ve gained weight… *glare*. :-)
It does help that there are a considerable amount of graduates amongst my friends here in Dunedin (and naturally, overseas). We’ve got Jared B., Nicola, Paul, Brent and… okay, maybe that’s it. But that’s not it – as in, that’s not the point. I guess, deep down, I’m uneasy because I’m worried that I don’t have a good reason to be here. I believe I’m called to be here, for one last year… and that’s about it. I need to – I want to – believe that my being here will have an important impact on someone’s life. Or lives. I need to believe that God called me, and He will use me. And I do believe that – or I will, given time. But I’m in that uneasy phase of “God, this doesn’t make any sense”, that phase you get before He gives you that great boot up the pants of “Yeah, but it doesn’t need to.”
Easier said than done.
I also said I felt lonely. But I kind of expected that – after Chile, for starters, and after living with David for a month beforehand. It’s like that. You deal. As for the other, the whole job issue… I’ve decided not to think about it fully until I set aside a day of prayer and thought on the matter. And that’s quite possibly going to be Wednesday (I’m wondering if that’s too early or too late, but it’s the day that’s stuck in my head). Tomorrow I need to arrange to meet WINZ and start being officially unemployed – at least for a short while. I can’t imagine it being for a long while, although it’s happened before (CUE: flashback to the previous Summer).
That’s disconcerting – meeting new people who ask you what you do. I’ve yet to come out with the great jawbreaker: “I’m unemployed”. At the moment, I’ve “just graduated”, although I’m building up to the former description. Hearing Carmi talk about ITS training (you know, that job I thought I was gonna get) has been a little weird – I’m actually happy that she’s really excited about it, a little envious that she has a job, but also (and this is the important bit)… also I’m feeling that maybe working with students wouldn’t be the best idea for me anymore. Which is weird, because that was a big thing for me in October. But feeling so unstudentlike has broken through that - now I feel that my working with students ought to be limited to Cutting Edge.
On that note, I wonder how I’ll feel, working with Cutting Edge. I’ll find out soon enough – we have a leaders’ ‘advance’ (read: ‘retreat’) on Friday night. And prayer meetings on Mon, Wed, Thu and Fri from 12-2, for all who are keen. Top floor, Youth Center, in case you missed it. I seem to have a lot to do, in quite a rush. Am I just keeping myself busy?
In other news, Dave H. arrived today, making us officially 4/5 of a flat. Then we’ve got to wait the obligatory extra week for Jeremy (wink wink). Also, hung out with some of the CE crew after church, which was cool. I’m constantly mind-boggled at how close everyone is living… apart from Dan, Jared and Justin, who are stuck in RAVENSBOURNE! Hah! Sorry, sorry.
Wow, so, this has been really introspective. I’ve kinda missed that. Did I mention that I just went to see ‘Ray’? Great film. But that’s a side-point. And a bit of a distracter, if I’m honest with myself, and you. Trying to hide the fact that I am uneasy. In truth, I do feel like I’m at the edge of a storm, facing inwards. I’m not just talking about the job-hunt, that’s really not a biggy. But it makes me wonder what it could possibly be that is dwarfing it, and when it’s going to arrive…
Dum dum DUM!!!
“To be continued…”
Just… can’t stop… spending!
Seriously, it’s so strange! Including my ferry fee, I’ve spent over $600 in Wellington – in four days! Even without the ferry fee, that’s about $350… I must be making up for lost time, or something. And then we’ve got to add on the optometrist’s bill (she was surprised that I made it through Uni with my eyes, but thought I could do fine without glasses – unless I’m planning on taking up cricket or tennis again!) and the dentist’s bill (who has booked me in for an emergency filling – apparently I’m close to needing a root canal!), it might start reaching the $1000s!
Ah, money. What an interesting topic. That I’m not going to talk about anymore.
Last day in Wellington for what could be a long, long time. Except for a weekend in April or May when I’m flying up to see my Dad’s performance in Les Miserables, I might not be back here until… well, August at the earliest. I don’t get a mid-year holiday anymore. Then again, who knows what’s going to happen?
Speaking of the future, and my Dad, he read my blog yesterday and realized that he OWNED this book I’ve been talking about. So I know have it in my possession, for my reading pleasure. It’s the 1990 edition (it’s updated every year), so it’s changed a bit, but I’m cool with that. I’m looking forward to chonking into it. On the book front, I bought three more yesterday at Manna – “In His Steps” (thanks for the suggestion, Bing!), Foxe’s book of Martyrs, and a D.L. Moody biography (I’m loving biographys of Christians at the moment – I was reading Jess’ Wigglesworth biography before it got stolen – and that was a library book). I’m only halfway through the monster that is Dostoeyevsky’s “The Idiot”, and I’ve got a ton of other books lining up too (Kafka’s ‘The Castle’, a biography of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Les Mis – natch). Whew!
Watched two of the three Chile videotapes with my folks last night – got some great stuff, but I’m still not looking forward to mixing it up together! I’m thinking of seeing Million Dollar Baby tonight with J, but I’m having second thoughts. For one thing, I need to be at the Ferry terminal at 7am tomorrow morning, and then I’ll be driving for, like, 10 hours. I should get a map, there’s a point. Hmm…
I need to get boxes off J, Jackie and Matt & Lou today, too. Those’ll keep me company on the long drive down. Although I need to make sure there’s enough room for my attractive Swedish lady hitch-hikers, too. Because I know I’ll be meeting some. For sure. Brendan gave me his Hillsongs+ mix tape, that’s gonna be very handy for the drive.
I’m so looking forward to being home. Although I have been having second thoughts about going back to Dunedin… I’m feeling increasingly alienated from it and its student lifestyle, and thus Cutting Edge. I’m sure that’s largely just a holiday/Chile thing, thought. I’m sure of it.
Gonna have a 2pm lunch/coffee with my good ol’ friend the Guyster today – assuming my car gets repaired in time (it’s ALWAYS just before a long trip that it needs fixing…) That’ll be cool. I miss my old friends too. Although, if – as it seems – I’m gonna be in Wellington for working at some stage in the near future, those may well become my current friends again; and you guys will be my old friends. That’s a hard thought. It’s gonna be hard realizing that Bing’s gone, although I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of each other. It’s much harder thinking of saying goodbye to J and David… that’s just a WEIRD thought. I was looking through photos at home yesterday, and I had a bunch of our first year (well, my second year) at Uni, at Carrington… there’s a photo of J, Dave, Bing and I (and Aimee and Jess H.), hanging together. I forgot that we’ve been close for… well, 4 years now. The boyz. Back when Bing was the only Christian. Back on First Floor. Got some photos of THOSE boys too, hehe.
Sorry, reminiscing. I might go look through some more photos now. Strange, isn’t it? How you can spend so much time with people, doing so much, and then a few years go by and it’s just gone, gone and forgotten? I guess that’s why it’s not good to dwell on the past – because it IS the past; it’s only use now is didactic.
And on that word-of-the-day… see you (literally or figuratively) in Dunedin!
woke up last night at around 5am, and I had no idea where I was…
Even my old bedroom was unfamiliar to me. I felt today that my day and a half in Wellington is just a dream, and I’m still in Chile. Funny, I remember feeling pretty similar about Chile. Speaking of, I didn’t mention that while having lunch at the second camp one day I remembered a dream I had had a year before – almost exactly a year before. It was like deja-vu, but I’m positive that I dreamed about having that lunch on that camp with those people at the same time that Dave was on his mission trip. I told everyone this at camp, and most of them laughed. But it was serious, and I presume it was a confirmation that I was meant to be there. I certainly felt encouraged (and quite wigged out) about it.
So, this afternoon, I was thinking about writing this blog, because I already had two things to say. So that was cool; it’s good to know that my right brain is kicking back into overdrive. Let me set the stage first (ironically [?], as I write this, my Dad is practicing for his role of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables in a few months’ time) – my Mum told me that my optometrist appointment was at 12 (my orthodontist appointment is on Thursday – she’s pretty organized).
Anyway, I’m not sure why, but the optometrist had me down for 11, so we rebooked for 1:15, and I took the opportunity to browse Johnsonville mall (wave to Kristy!). I felt pretty guilty, because I ended up buying so much stuff! Well, it felt like that. In reality, it was a $10 CD (Bob Dylan), a $19.95 DVD (Chinatown) and an $11.50 magazine (Australian Guitar – My first guitar magazine purchase… I bought it for the 16-page tabulation of The Eagles’ ‘Hotel California’). But I felt guilty, because it enhanced the feeling of self-centeredness I’ve had since I’ve been home. And it was worse because I saw a movie this afternoon (Blade Trinity – which I enjoyed; it had Parker Posey in it! And that other guy from the Mighty Wind-y movies… it was actually a bad-to-average movie, but it was… cool), which cost $14 (I’m no longer a student, and I left my Community Services card at home!), plus an $8 parking fee (blasted Wellington!).
Where was I… oh yeah, my first point. That’s what I call a build-up! Anyways, this is a bit of advice and encouragement to those either seeking a job (Kristy, Abbey, Jared) or those stressing about their future careers (the rest of you). I found, in Whitcoulls, a book called “What Colour is Your Parachute?” Now, I am usually embarrassed by reading self-help books – which I realized today. It seems I’m too proud to accept that I need help sometimes (from people, that is; thankfully I’m increasingly recognizing my absolute dependence on God), especially help that is clichéd or… I guess help that I can’t feel (somewhat) unique about accepting. Anyway, this isn’t about me (for once. Side point – I need to stop using parentheses. I think I’m addicted).
So this book – which is a best-seller – tackles the idea of getting a career from the perspective of a person and their passions, rather than from the perspective of “what jobs are there out there? Could I enjoy this?” This is important, I feel. The guy’s a Christian, incidentally, and in his Appendix, he talks about a person’s mission here on earth – kinda like ‘A Purpose Driven Life’, I guess. Anyways, this was really encouraging for me, seeing how many other people are waiting to find their dream jobs… the writer says that God has already shown it to us, twice – once in our talents, once in those things that we love to do. I’m not going to buy the book, because it’s in the Dunedin Library (all 30 copies are on loan in Wellington!), but I’m very grateful for this new perspective (well, I mean, it’s not NEW new, but it was important to hear it as the dude described it). Until then, I’ll be thinking about my gifts in this new light… I’ve described all this really poorly, but I highly recommend you check this book out. At the very least, be encouraged that so many people go through very similar situations.
The second thing I wanted to mention was something that happened on the plane on the way home. I was talking to the woman next to me, an Aucklander (I’ll also say now that I struggle with people who can’t be patient about things like slightly delayed planes, especially when this leads to criticizing the people in charge) who had just spent three weeks in Brazil. She’d been to see ‘John of God’, who is apparently the most famous faith-healer in the World (the internet seems to have heard of him). Her mother had just been diagnosed with cancer, and they went over with some friends and came back convinced they were healed.
I’m not really sure why I’m bringing this up – it’s not testing my faith, because I know where I stand; I’m not feeling that I responded incorrectly, because I didn’t think I could do much other than listen; perhaps I just want to share it. But she was talking about how John’s eyes glow red when he heals people, and describing how he did it (it involves scalpels and glowing balls of light), and describing how he is possessed by various healers, including King Solomon. She thought that I thought she was crazy, but I understand how she could believe in this. I even think the healings could possibly be authentic, although I can’t base that on anything yet. But I didn’t really get to share what I thought on the subject, although I did say I was Christian.
Anyways, I’ll be praying for her, I just felt like bringing that up.
I should add (this is about 6 hours after writing all the rest of this – and since then, I’ve seen ANOTHER movie: Alfie; surprisingly good, actually! Loved the end) that we now have jetstream at home. Whoop! It’s hard to go back to dial-up, I’ll tell you that.
Nuffin’ more to report, now; although a Friday departure to Dunedin is looking more and more likely. I should just make up my mind.
Tomorrow. I’ll decide tomorrow.
What’s worse than writing blogs on a 14.4 on a dodgy laptop?
Doing the above when there is a perfectly accessible ADSL connection sitting within arm’s reach, but can’t be used for technical reasons. And that’s about as geeky as I get, ladies and gents.
Wellington. Home. Well, more of a home than South America… although even that had homish qualities. Home is where the heart is, which is where your treasure is. I must live in ANZ, then.
In case you can’t tell, yes, I have hardly slept over the last… hang on… 40 hours. Which includes 23 hours of traveling. I HAVE had a shower, so that’s a plus. I can finally bear to be around myself. And I got to flush my loo paper, which is something you never really miss until it’s gone. Trust me. And yet, perhaps because I’m tired, or perhaps because I’m on a slow connection, or most likely, perhaps because I’m no longer in 24/7 missions mode… I’m a little bored.
Yup, the B word.
But then, I bet that after a solid week of sleep, I’ll be back to normal again. ‘Normal’. Hey, which reminds, I’ve just spent a month in South America.
Isn’t that WEIRD?
In case you’re wondering, I’m not planning on sleeping until this evening, in order to maintain my current jet-lag free record. Plus Sky Movies is playing a Die Hard Trilogy marathon tonight, and that will be gooood. Oh, and I couldn’t sleep anyways, after however many coffees I’ve had. I might go have another one now, hang on…
Mmm. So I’m up to date with all your blogs, which is nice. Can’t really leave comments at the moment, because this machine is evil incarnate. Wait, did I say that? Ahem. At least I’ve got a computer, yeah? Amen.
I’ve got a lot I want to talk about right now – like, y’know, the trip – but I think it would be best if I work out what I’m doing this week first. Because I’m not in a reflective mood, more a… prospective mood. No, more a planning mood, that makes more sense. What am I doing in Wellington this week? Well, I should say that I’m probably here until Friday or Saturday, and then I will make the long journey home (#2) to The Dunny, via Timaru (to say hi to the Gran-meister, if possible). And maybe via Christchurch, say hi to Penfold and Ekster. So… 5 days.
I want to catch up with J and Bing, which inevitably means movies. Which is good, I’ve got some catching up to do before the Oscars (has anyone heard a date, yet?). I could try to swing some other catch-ups, but there’ll be a lot down South anyways. I’ve got a dentist and an optometrist appointment (to see if I DO need glasses, Abs!), and I need to do some shopping. Especially shoe-shopping. I can’t decide whether I’m happy or distressed by that thought… must be the metrosexual in me.
I’ll have to do some reflecting some time this week, I reckon… which will probably mean more blogs. Especially if we can kick-start this ADSL business (speaking of, Gus, what’s the dilly-o with the linkage down south? J was mentioning it today, but I didn’t really understand, because we were both dopey). Playing guitar is obviously up there too, as is hanging out with the big G… which I’m getting more into of late. More on that, later.
I need to see if I can write an article on Chile for my sister’s magazine… that’s gonna need some prayer too. I plan on dedicating a day to prayer and fasting for my future, but that’ll be down South, I reckon. And that’s almost too deep to consider talking about now.
I think I’ll save this document as I go…
I need to do more of my 2004 summary, if I can be bothered. It was a lot of work, but I think it was quite worthwhile; at least for me. I can’t remember your thoughts.
Hey, did I mention that Jess and I got mugged right after my last blog? Because that’s worth mentioning. Maybe someone else will go into a little more detail. I’m still pooped. She only lost a bag, and it was pretty… well, funny.
I like Abbey’s idea of posting photos online too, I might try and hijack that idea. On that note, I have about 70 Chile photos, and I need to work out if I should put them up somewhere… that’s a lot of work! I just wrote ‘wirk’ there, that’s humorous too. ‘Humourous’, sorry.
Wow, I keep making new paragraphs. I must have ADHD.
I’m not sure if I’m lonely or needing personal space, after all of Chile. I think it’s probably both at the same time. Which is hard. Probably harder for Dave P., who starts T-Col tomorrow! Take care of him, whoever’s down there.
This is a very shallow post, and I’m almost ashamed of it. But not really; I know you understand. Maybe more depth will come tomorrow. As for now… Well, just pretend that I’m actually talking about deep, relevant, important stuff. Who knows, I could be!
Another lost post... another good one.
But now - with 48 hours left in South America - I´ve worked out why. You CAN´T use the shift key to highlight words here, and then copy them. No no. That deletes them. And there´s no undo button there either.
We´re in Mendoza now, which is on the Western Border of Argentina. It´s quite a pretty city, with a HUGE park (we´re talking bigger than Central Park, Manhattan, NY huge - or at least, so it seems) and lots of trees. We´re really enjoying our wind-down time here, and God is still using us. We´ve run into other Kiwis on the street, we´ve prayed with complete strangers, had lengthy prayer sessions for each other and people and places we´ve seen and been, we´ve been invited to church (although I couldn´t for the life of me find it...) - this past 24 hours has been what I THOUGHT this mission trip would be like.
What I really wanted to get across in my lost blog was something quite important, although I´m not sure I can say it the same again. My point was that - contrary to the possibly misleading tone of my blogs - this mission trip has been perfect. I´m not just saying that; although it was quite different to my expectations, in retrospect, God´s hand was absolutely clearly guiding us, and we have been more of a blessing than we could have been without that! And I´m not just being optimistic with hindsight (I´m not even sure if that´s really possible!) - that´s really true.
I guess I was a little worried that we didn´t have any snappy, powerful testimonies of our time here, to prove it was worth it. But I think we all agree that it was very much worth it. And not just in the "oh, I´m sure God will use what we´ve done here, even though we haven´t seen it" way. This trip has blessed us all, and we have managed to be a huge blessing to those here as well. It got quite difficult for me at times, especially as the trip progressed - I was tired and uncomfortable - but as it got harder, we seemed to see more fruit. So yeah. Wouldn´t change a thing.
I´m back to Welly on Sun the 6th (Waitangi Day) and I probably can´t blog until then. I´m ´planning´ on driving to Dunners on Sat the 12th, or a day or two earlier, and I currently have room in my car, if anyone´s keen. Jeremy, best of wishes for the op, I´ll be in touch.
One final thing to say - okay, two. Three. Firstly, I need to say how much of a blessing my team has been. They have been so great, and I´ve come to love them all really deeply. That´s great in itself. But they´ve also been used so perfectly in their own ways on this trip that I couldn´t imagine a better team. And Dave´s leadership was also, well, perfect. So that´s been fantastic. Secondly, I can´t thank you enough for your prayer covering over here. It´s been more powerful and effective than you can know, and I hope that God blesses you for that. Finally... if you are Christian, you need to go on a missions trip. If you´ve been thinking about it, especially, talk to me or someone else, because I seriously believe it will be one of the best things you ever do - for you and for the people you visit.
So God Bless you all, my homies, Argentina sends its greetings.
And no, I´m sure it won´t cry for you.
Hugs and Latino-kisses,
Sam, aka ´el orco´, aka ´jamón´, aka ´Sam come pan´...