A lesson learned...
A lesson learned from the start of the year is that when you are looking for work, you need to have another purpose while you wait. Otherwise you start to feel useless. Which is stupid in many ways. But I remembered that just now when I recognised that feeling.

I may have a job tonight, or not until next year. At least this time around I actually want one - I think. I may end up temping until I get a proper job - maybe. That feels icky, temping as a legal secretary again - now that I've been admitted. I don't think that's pride, more like... wastage. Still, maybe not. I think I'm down to the icky bitter truth that I am actually going to have to go door to door. Ugh. On the plus side, I've funked up my CV now by adding a humourous (to a lawyer) front page. That'll boost my confidence a bit.

So what is my other purpose? Last time around it was, as well as CE, getting closer to God (which, in retrospect, worked!). While that's still a valid goal, it doesn't seem appropriate. I feel like I need to be doing something... well, something else. Something that's easier to define or measure, for a start! Heh. You know, something other than leaving excessively long comments on blogs.

Short blog. Um.
- posted by Sam @ 3:55 PM

 
Here I am.
EDIT: This is why the internet was created... /EDIT

And here I blog. Day 2 in Wellywood (or Middle Earth, as it was officially renamed for a day two years ago). Bing made contact today, which was nice. I'm feeling a little isolated... and a little like I'm on Summer holiday, which is a somewhat bad thing. But Bing and I will probably check a film on Friday, which will be cool.

I called my best job lead today, whom everybody highly recommended I go to talk to. Tomorrow is her last day at work, so she can't see me for another fortnight. Ah well. Plan B (from Outer Space) kicks in. I can't say I've been expecting this to be anything but hard and scary... although I've woken up feeling particularly motivated to find a job these last two mornings. And I'm sure that's a result of praying that I would, just before bed.

Things are very constant (he says after two days!). Which is good, in that I'm not doing as badly as I feared. On the other hand, things aren't changing for the better just yet. I'm trying to shield myself from the fear of history repeating with faith, which is working... so far. Prayer requests (apart from for an excellent job, great relationships with my parents, cool friends et cetera!) would be that I can keep it up. In God's strength.

So really, not much of interest to report. Do I miss you guys? Gosh! yes. To be fair, some more than others (!). Actually, in retrospect, I seem to miss the most those I still carry some reminder of - i.e. those who blog and who made me a card or something to go away with. Jane made a great CD collection of photos from the last two years (especially ones that I'm in), which was hard to watch but sooo cool. And yet, I can tell that the pain will lessen, which is nice.

I'm looking forward to Church on Sunday. More than usual (eek, hope it doesn't disappoint!), because I'm trying out City Church as a potential new home church. I've heard some good, some bad things about it. Apparently 90% of the 600+ congregation is under 30 (hopefully it's not *too * young for me)... they seem to do a lot of outreach... emphasis on fellowship... I really hope it's *the one*, because I feel like I'm running out of options here! Hehe. Unlike my job hunt, in which there are SO many options. Seriously, the number of lawyers in Wellington... eek.

Well, um... I'll keep you updated. I'm looking forward to Guy Fawkes, Christmas, New Years, Parachute (I might go), Summer Cell, the arrival of more friends (Matt, Lou, Dave O', Rach, maybe J, maybe Dave P), and rehearsals/performance of Beauty and the Beast (yeah, they liked my audition... you'll hear more on this).

And I'm looking forward to seeing ALL OF YOU again at some stage, hmm? Whether it's this Summer or whatever... COME TO ME. Muhuhuhuhaha...
- posted by Sam @ 5:52 PM

 
A frank and honest Admission...



As Abbey reminded me, I promised to get some photos up as soon as I could. Today, I fulfill that promise. DAH-DAH-DAAAAH!!!

Photo 1: Jeremy, Alice, Jo, Yours truly, Pierre, Matt and Scott in the High Court. Would have been a lovely photo if Jeremy hadn't been checking out one of my class-mates.

Photo 2: Caption A - Thanks to the gift of Photo-Prophecy, I can predict where I'll be for the next 20 years. In a seldom-used corner of a law library, trapped behind a chair. Caption B - Thanks to the cunning use of Long-Gown and Chair-Blocking, combined with the skill of Finding-An-Unused-Corner-Of-The-Law-Library, no-one will find that little present for a few weeks...

Photo 3: Spiffing. There are no words.

In other news, a proper post will come... shortly. I'm almost through reading peoples' blogs. My room is almost set up (it's so small! 3 years in gianormo-room has quite an effect). And apparently, I'm feeling a bit more positive.

And tomorrow, the hunt begins.
- posted by Sam @ 10:54 PM

 
I'm home.
I just thought I'd let you know. I haven't checked most of your blogs yet, nor read your cards, nor read my goodbye book nor seen my farewell video. But I will.


One step at a time.
- posted by Sam @ 11:20 PM

 
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when...
... but I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.

Goodbye, Dunedin. We've grown close over the five years that we've been together, and I've come to value, respect, and heck, even love you. I'm going to miss you.

But after all that, you are just a city. Just a place. A place full of memories and people, granted. But the memories will remain after we have parted, and the people will eventually drift away. Those things that are truly worth valuing will not perish as I drive off in the midday sun. Those things are eternal. Love, hope and faith will remain.

To the friends that I have known in Dunedin: I love you. I can only hope that I have made that abundantly clear. But I realise now that you are not 'Dunedin-friends' but friends that I met in Dunedin. Whether or not I ever see you again on this earth, you have made an indelible impression in my heart. And I long to catch up with you in the hereafter.

Fear vs. faith. That's the line I ride. Either way, there is sadness... but that only for a season. I will rejoice, therefore, for the Lord is faithful. Look to Him; objects in His mirror are closer than they appear.

And that is all.
- posted by Sam @ 9:06 AM

 
One day more!
Another day, another destiny.
This never-ending road to Calvary;
These men who seem to know my crime
Will surely come a second time.
One day more!

I did not live until today.
How can I live when we are parted?
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away
And yet with you, my world has started!

One more day before the storm!
At the barricades of freedom.
When our ranks begin to form
Will you take your place with me?

The time is now, the day is here

One day to a new beginning
Raise the flag of freedom high!
Every man will be a king
Every man will be a king
There's a new world for the winning
There's a new world to be won
Do you hear the people sing?

My place is here, I fight with you!

Tomorrow we'll be far away,
Tomorrow is the judgement day
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong, yeah yeah

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends
To live as friends
though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends
No, a lifetime's not too long to live as friends
- posted by Sam @ 1:38 PM

 
True Story
So Dave and I turned up at the Indoor Sports Arena at 6:30pm last night, ready for our game. We were both pretty psyched up, although I felt out of my league. When we practiced batting and bowling beforehand, though, I was surprisingly decent. Not good, not even 'okay', but decent. Like I wouldn't lose the team too many points. My fielding left something to be desired (like the town it's named after - low blow there!), however. I don't think I added a single thing, fielding. No catches, no blocks, hardly even any 'here's the ball, mate, nice bowl'. But it could have been worse I suppose. And I only bowled two shocking bowls myself; the other 10 ranged from simply 'lame' to 'not bad!'.

Unfortunately, the other team (of which Claire was a member - she was in my very first cell group with Andrea and Kirsty!) was very good (apparently a couple of them were on the Otago team, which does wonders for your self-esteem), and had an innings of 144. Dave and I were the first partnership in our innings. We had a bit of a rough start, both getting bowled out (but in indoor cricket that's okay, it's only -5 points), but then we warmed to it. Man, their bowlers were fast. I'm not sure if it's because they were going easy on us or whether our conservative 'just block, don't hit!' tactic paid off, but we actually made a positive score of 12, so yay us! I know I shouldn't be at all pleased by this, but our team's next partnership didn't break even (that was painful, and seemed quite unfair!)

Anyways, long story short, our team lost, but not before a stunning 60-ish point partnership lead by Tim, the captain. As for me, that may be the last game of indoor cricket I ever play, but darn it, at least I tried. And I didn't suck anywhere near to the level I promised Tim I probably would. Which was nice.

(Oh Em Gee, I did it, I actually wrote a blog about cricket! Know I know how Dave Lim feels!)




(Slightly squishy!)
- posted by Sam @ 8:23 PM

 
My days are numbered...
... and that number is 5.

I am leaving Dunedin on Monday 26 September, and I have an audition in Christchurch that evening (Beauty and the Beast, natch!). My ferry will leave on Tuesday.

So... yeah. Wow. That being said, I have been blessed with the biggest and bestest farewells a man could ask for. Two Royal Dinners, a Sister-Flat 2 dinner and a pancake breakfast, two life-group send-offs (one being a dinner and one being... a pancake breakfast), a going away party, a church send-off, going-away lunch/coffee dates galore... I am blessed.

And encouraged. A lot of people believe in me down here. Which is so important. Like Abbey said, doors are shutting, and windows are opening.

Now all I need is to wake up one morning and find that there's been a huge dump of snow... preferably without my windows being open.
- posted by Sam @ 2:46 PM

 
Snow on Mount Cargill
Letter 10 from Brother Lawrence's The Practice of the Presence of God. The middle paragraph strikes a chord...:

I HAVE had a good deal of difficulty to bring myself to write to M, and I do it now purely because you and Madam desire me. Pray write the directions and send it to him. I am very well pleased with the trust which you have in GOD: I wish that He may increase it in you more and more: we cannot have too much in so good and faithful a Friend, who will never fail us in this world nor in the next.

If M. makes his advantage of the loss he has had, and puts all his confidence in GOD, He will soon give him another friend, more powerful and more inclined to serve him. He disposes of hearts as He pleases. Perhaps M. was too much attached to him he has lost. We ought to love our friends, but without encroaching upon the love of GOD, which must be the principal.

Pray remember what I have recommended to you, which is, to think often on GOD, by day, by night, in your business, and even in your diversions. He is always near you and with you; leave Him not alone. You would think it rude to leave a friend alone, who came to visit you: why then must GOD be neglected? Do not then forget Him, but think on Him often, adore Him continually live and die with Him; this is the glorious employment of a Christian; in a word, this is our profession, if we do not know it we must learn it. I will endeavour to help you with my prayers, and am yours in our LORD.
- posted by Sam @ 9:23 AM

 
Sleep-deprived
Okay, what day is it? Sunday, right, right. I didn't sleep well or long last night - it feels like I haven't slept at all. It doesn't help that we're out of milk and I really don't feel like black cheap instant coffee thank-you-very-much. Ah well, I don't have anything to do today, so I'll be fine. So I'm sitting here, dazed, listening to 'Tommy' by 'The Who', from the wonderful 'my-sister-has-gone-overseas-and-left-her-CD-collection-at-home' stash (wave to Kate... I know you're reading! You still haven't told me your blog address...)

Friday night was awesome. My farewell... whoa, makes me sad just writing that. But it went really well. I'd been double-booked, which was quite a shock, but I found a new venue in the MTC room. It was just great to have everyone (well, almost everyone. I gave a shout-out to those who couldn't come.) in the same room for one last time. My friends. Sigh.

Saturday night was great too - the Oscars! I cameoed in the opening skit (as did Abbey, actually), and I appreciated the send-off. I was pleased with the turnout and the movies and, well, everything. The team did an awesome job. Did I mention that my life group's film (with Lydia's Life Group, of course!) came in first? Wow, we rock.

And we premiered 'Motor Function', which seemed to go down well. A lot of people jumped... but I won't spoil the surprise. I'm still not really sure what to make of the film. It's the same as with the last one - once it's made, you really can't be objective. And because I can't be objective, I don't know whether to bother putting it in any short film festivals (J is probably the same). Might as well, though, eh? Film Distribution, eh? Another career to cross off my list. :-)

And I got to give my (shortened) testimony in church today, 9am and 10:45am. I really appreciated that opportunity, what with me leaving and all. Heh, Steve Gwyn asked how many people knew me in church - there were so many hands raised! How flattering. :-) 'Course, he didn't ask how many people liked me... ;-)

So, flip, the election, eh? It... well, no, it speaks for itself. Quite exciting, though. Mmm.

Still haven't got the ferry booked yet, but it's looking like Tuesday the 27th. We're waiting to see if I can audition for Beauty and the Beast in Christchurch on the way up... you didn't think I was serious about that, did you? Well, I am. As serious as Abbey was (is) about writing...

Well. One week left, then. Golly. What to do...
- posted by Sam @ 5:10 PM

 
In the Garden of GethSamane
I only want to say
If there is a way,
Take this cup away from me,
For I don't want to taste its poison;
Feel it burn me...
I have changed.
I'm not as sure as when we started.

Then, I was inspired;
Now, I'm sad and tired.
Listen, surely I've exceeded expectations,
Tried for three years, seems like thirty,
Could you ask as much from any other man?

(...)

Then, I was inspired;
Now, I'm sad and tired.
After all I've tried for three years, seems like ninety,
Why then am I scared to finish what I started...
What you started - I didn't start it

God, thy will is hard,
But you hold every card.
I will drink your cup of poison - nail me to your cross and break me,
Bleed me, beat me, kill me, take me now - before I change my mind!

---------------------------------------------------------------


Oh, I'm just being cute. It's not that bad! :-)
- posted by Sam @ 2:52 PM

 
Once you go Mac, you never go back.
Somebody say 'the Devil's a liar!' Hehe. That's an Elim joke. But seriously, I'm back on the Uni Macs. Por que, porquoi, why you ask? Because we're burning our movie again. But this time we're burning both the Mothra cut (10 minutes) and the Director's cut (13 minutes), which we're sending to a film competition in Invercargill. And keeping a copy of two for ourselves. Which is nice.

Speaking of niceness, it's 8 hours until my party. And 24 hours until the election. And 32 hours until the Oscars. And 46 hours until church. I'm going a bit too far with that last one. But yeah, busy weekend. For those of you who are wondering, I'm probably leaving on the 26th/27th now... I'm not gonna keep postponing it, though, this is the last time. Promise! Well, once I've got the ferry ticket, at least.

Which gives me 10 more days. Which may be a little more than I need, but if I'm staying for some of next week, I might as well stay until the weekend. Got some 21sts and the Mothra awards ceremony.

Speaking of the election (I did, a few paragraphs ago. Pay attention!), the night before last our flat had dinner at Sister Flat 2 (Starring Whoopi Goldberg as an ex-convict-turned Nun. Actually, no, it's Esther, Cara, Neelam, Ang and Hannah's flat). Anyways, the dinner was cool, but I really enjoyed the lo-o-o-ong discussion (about 6 hours!) we had afterwards. It was crazy, we had an athiest/agnostic (?), an Anglican, a Catholic, a Pentecostal, and a Destiny Church member (what's an appropriate label there?) discussing religion and Politics. Which would make a great joke, but I can't be bothered. Naturally, we didn't reach any conclusions, and there wasn't much mind-changing going on, but it was very cool to get all these different opinions. And it made me do a lot more thinking about this (something that's becoming more of an issue for me as life goes on... especially because there is a slim chance I may end up in politics). I thought I might blog about it, but then I thought I should probably save that until after the election.

By which time I will have forgotten it/not care about it any more. Which is fine, that happens.

Oh, Bing, you wanted a tune? Try 'House of the Rising Sun'.

There isn't a house down in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun...

Too soon? Fine. It's not my joke anyways. You can keep your laughter.

I wonder if I'll cry tonight... that would be fitting, but I don't think I will. Maybe I should write a small speech, or something. This is the least organised party I've ever, er, organised. Flip, I don't care. Well, I do, but I choose to ignore that caring. Ness.

Before I go, here's the lovely poster Jeremy whipped up for our short film. Enjoy!


- posted by Sam @ 11:09 AM

 
The Ballad of Rach Brown
Little Miss Brown, Joyful Miss Brown,
She's following me North to Wellington -
Not because she likes the town,
But 'cos my absence makes her frown.

Ah, Rach Brown, Sweet Rach Brown,
Lookin' pretty at the ball in a gown,
Just like a queen without her crown.
Picks me up when I'm feeling down.

She's a cheeky girl, our Rach Brown,
Sleep with one eye open or in shaving cream you will drown,
I'd better stop here before I run out of nouns,
Look! I got this far without calling her a clown!

Darn it.
- posted by Sam @ 3:36 PM

 
Speaking of Willie Wonka...
Whatever happened to the stars of the original film?
- posted by Sam @ 9:29 AM

 
Possibly offensive, possibly funny... how's a fella to know?
Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "You know, Mother, sometimes you really bug me."

----------------------------------------------------------------

St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"

----------------------------------------------------------------

Well I liked them. And I liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory too. And I liked the Serenity trailer that I saw on the small TV screen outside the cinema. I'm adding that one to my when-I-see-it-I-will-squeal list. Rent and Serenity. Those films excite the heck out of me.
- posted by Sam @ 11:45 PM

 
I'm blogging from Uni.
Worse, I'm blogging on a Mac. Both are things that I have not done for a very long time. Actually, so is blogging. But as per, I have great excuses for all three.

Why am I blogging at University? Because I'm waiting for both "Motor Function" (the film Jeremy and I made) and "The Evil iPod" to be transferred. The former to DVD, the latter to my camera.

Why am I using a Mac? Because this is a Mac lab, dummy. I don't think the proper (hah!) computers have DVD-burners.

Why haven't I blogged for a week, apart from that three-liner? Surprise surprise, I've been busy.

Last night we judged the Oscar entries (there are 11, plus at least 2-out-of-competition entries) and planned the night itself. It's gonna be great! Before that, of course, was Design Weekend, which was really fun, and quite inspiring. Before that Jeremy and I were cutting cutting cutting (the cruelest cuts of all - having to trim a 14 minute film into under 10 minutes!) for a Friday deadline (which is now a today-deadline, hence the working...), before that I had admission and my parents down here...

And it's time for me to go. Will blog properly shortly!
- posted by Sam @ 3:59 PM

 
Something else to cross off the Big Bad To-Do List...
Now I'm a lawyer.


Huh.


Don't feel like one.
- posted by Sam @ 6:59 PM

 
[This is representative]
So I got my haircut today (after FIVE months! That's the longest inter-cut period for... well, 8 years or so! As you know, I had to wait until filming finished - which it did, last friday), but I wanted to get it done before admission (Wednesday afternoon). So in I wandered, after a long period of editing, and... well, I was hopeless. The hairdresser asked me questions (as they do), and I struggled to answer most of them! Especially the kicker, "What are you doing with the rest of your afternoon?" I pulled a complete blank.

And that's not because I don't have things to do - because I still do! A lot! And that's the problem - there're too many of them. I'm glad I have another two weeks (today) here... for various reasons. So many people are trying to get me to stay 'just a little bit longer', and my willpower may be unable to resist postponing it somehow... but then, I really don't want the situation of going up for Family Time at church, saying "This is my last Sunday at Elim"... and then sheepishly showing up again the next week.

So, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this Thursday. Bad timing, but I'll see it. And I know I shouldn't be looking forward to it (Abbey didn't rate it too highly, and the trailers aren't too striking), even though it has the Deppster, I guess I'm using it as an excuse to get excited about a film before I leave. It helps that it's a remake too - I have rented the original for my viewing pleasure... probably Thursday afternoon (I can't be bothered to organise it around other people!)

In fact... THAT'S the problem! I'm all organised out! It's not that I've got too much on, or feel a lot of pressure, or am postponing the realisation that I'm leaving (though they're all true), but it's the organising. What a boring but better-than-nothing revelation that is! :-)

You know how I like Bob Dylan nowadays? Well, I do - partly because I love playing his songs on my guitar, it's the perfect fit for me. Anyways, now that I've collected almost every David Bowie CD, I'm collecting all the Dylan ones. Of course, they both have to be artists that have more than 30 albums each! Flip! Fortunately (actually, that's debatable) they're so old, they're usually on sale for about $10 - like today, when I added another 3 to my collection. Which is nice.

Design Weekend this weekend... oh man, I need to prepare something to speak on! And work out whether I'm leaving early to make it to church on Sunday morning! And work out whether I'm going late to make it to Katie's 21st on Friday night!

And breeeeeeathe.... :-)
- posted by Sam @ 4:34 PM

 
Catches 1 through 21...
EDIT: I should mention that bystanders are welcome at my admission - Wednesday afternoon at 2:15pm, High Court (opposite the railway station). Get there early if you wanna come, though, because there are limited seats.

If I blog a little bit every day (clap clap! That's for you, Gus), people like Jeremy don't read it all because it's not as special. If I blog a lot every now and then, people like Carmi don't read it because it's too much and too irregular. I feel like a Little Red Riding Hood who's lost Baby Bear's porridge. So I'll keep this one short and to the point.

Firstly, check out Abbey's blog post of today. It's very exciting to hear her resolution.

Secondly, re: Mel's comment... um, that wasn't the intended reading of what I said. I can see how you'd find it offensive, but it's not meant like that. For starters, when I said 'helping people', the majority of 'helping' was things like helping with Oscars, not personal stuff. I hope you can understand how doing that all the time can be a little draining.

Thirdly, check out the streaming version of Bob Dylan's latest bootleg album - cool stuff. It's also the 'soundtrack' to a new Scorsese documentary about the man himself, released in November. Ah, November. That's gonna be the next big movie-season: Rent, Serenity, King Kong, Narnia... mmm.

Fourthly, a cool (not too long) article about looking to creation/culture/conscience to find God. Not in a Buddhist/pagan/pantheistic/New Agey way, but in the sense of... I guess realising God's imprint is in everything. Which is something I've been discovering for myself recently, that talking to God isn't simply prayer but (especially for me) contemplating various aspects of life. Very hard to explain.

Fifthly, Dog Judo.

Sixthly, SNAKES ON A PLANE!

What else, what else... Final shoot of our (still untitled) film is this afternoon/evening (5pm... which is it?). That'll be good. We're rushing to get it edited by next Friday, to enter it into the Mothras (although we may need to trim it down to 10 minutes...). I also need to contact the Elim Oscar organisers, see if I can premiere it there (maybe some of them are reading this...)

I get admitted to the bar in 5 days. Scary. And I leave in 16.

Ish.
- posted by Sam @ 12:01 PM

 
Fin.

Il dort. Quoique le sort fut pour lui bien etrange,
Il vivait. Il mourut quand il n'eut plus son ange.
La chose simplement d'elle-meme arriva,
Comme la nuit se fait lorsque le jour s'en va.

He sleeps. Although his fate was very strange,
He lived. He died when he had no longer his angel.
The thing came to pass simply, of itself,
As the night comes when day is gone.



Now, one year after I began, I have read all 365 chapters of Les Miserables.

Which is nice.
- posted by Sam @ 11:52 AM