Don't make me use my handbag!
Monday, October 31, 2005
In other news...
I woke up this morning to a telephone interview for a job I applied for three weeks ago. I couldn't remember the job, I was hopelessly asleep, and I couldn't think straight. Still, they want to see me in person tomorrow morning in Lower Hutt at 9am.
Which is nice.
EDIT: Link to interviewing firm's website removed at the request of my Paranoia. Also, funny story: I ran out of razors today, so I used one of the cheap crusty ones Jared Brown bought for me as a gag to give out to my lady friends. It shredded my face. I am now the proud owner of a Gillette Mach 3 Turbo. Yes, that's the battery-powered ('enhanced') one. Reports will come forthwith.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Excuse me, miss?
It's been a rough weekend. It's like, I've peaked, or reached a threshold. It's suddenly become hard. I presume it's just a temporary feeling, but yikes. My archnemesis has shown his hand and has trumped mine - boredom has won.
I've always (no, not always, it's quite recent, but quite... constant) hated to say that I'm bored. Not because I don't think that's acceptable, but because there's no reason to be bored in this world. There's so much that can be done. Boredom is ignorance of the beauty of life, and selfishness to the neverending needs of others. Boredom is Bad. There's always a way out.
I'm just not sure what it is right now.
It's funny, I didn't want to have a job. For the past, well, lifetime, I haven't wanted a job. I figured, you only work to get money, I can get by without money, so why should I get a job and sacrifice 80% of my free time? I knew this was faulty thinking, so I prayed that I would get to the point where I wanted a job (seriously, I did. It was about a week ago, on one of my walks. Last Sunday, perhaps?). And voila.
Who would have thought I'd get sick of reading, watching TV and movies, playing guitar and being social once or twice a week? I thought that was the life... for me. Perhaps I'm slowly coming to understand the thought of moderation - diminishing returnd, and the like. Or perhaps I just need something bigger.
Enough of that, for now. I watched a whole lot more of my video camera footage just now. I miss you guys so badly. I knew that seeing people again would touch me - ESPECIALLY those incredible individual messages most of you gave - I just didn't know how much. I am so... so blessed, so fortunate to have known you all. I can't express that enough. I just want to be with you all again, share my life with you, and experience yours. Know you.
It's so strange to be, 5 weeks later, living what seems like a completely different life. A life where I don't know people, where people don't know me (there are some blessed exceptions, of course). Where I'm not the life of any party (because I don't go to any! :-) ), where I'm not living with incredible friends (although my family is lovely). Where I'm not having an awesome time. So many people told me to have fun in Wellington. I almost feel like I'm letting them down.
Ach, but this is a 'down' post. This is me at a low point. This is me pouring my heart out in the hope that it'll ease the pain or maybe somehow make things like they were, or how I think they were. Tomorrow, or maybe Tuesday, I'll be my perky self again, laughing at my situation. But I need to express this now, though I may regret it. Record it. Admit it.
On a lighter note, what are some fun, crazy, helpful, different or weird things I can do with my free time? I'd appreciate as many as you can think of, and I'll see what I can do. I can't go overseas or leave Wellington right now (although part of me dearly wants to!), or commit to anything too huge. But gimme your thoughts!
(... and I'll explain why they're completely impractical for my situation. Just kidding! )
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Time is money money money. Must be funny, in a rich man's world.
So they say. But time is very odd right now. Anyone who's been unemployed for a few weeks (and looking for work) will know the strange temporal disturbances that affects you. For instance, time drags. Today, Saturday, I have nothing planned. Nothing on my schedule. No specific reason to get up in the morning. But I have, and it's been a pretty good day so far. And yet, the things I do today - check e-mails, read the newspaper, go for a walk - are things I have done so often and so regularly that they seem to constitute my life. Which is why days can go by without me noticing that I haven't blogged for a bit. Because it feels like I have, a lot.
Odd.
But so I blog. To keep it up, to keep you satisfied. Even though two of my regulars have made spontaneous trips that may keep them off the blogosphere for a few days, I persist. And the article in today's DomPost about creating a successful blog recommended consistency (tell me something I don't know).
I have seen two cinematice masterpieces over the last few days. On Wednesday I got another 5 DVDs for $10 at the 'local' (actually in town, they have the best selection) video (DVD!) store. As an aside, I bought a DVD player for my parents yesterday. $180 (of their money, of course. And THEY get the Flybuys. Nuts.) for a low-end machine that'll bide them over. They've been talking about getting one for years, and I knew they'd never do it. So I bought it. They were thinking of getting a DVD-R, but that would have taken longer, and by the time they bought it, it would have been a dying format (as another DomPost article said today, funnily enough).
Anyways, what did I rent? The classic 'Alfie' (Michael Caine's first big movie, I think, recently remade with Jude "Swoon" Law - not too badly, either. Definately not as bad as the Italian Job or Get Carter remakes! Where was I...); 'Raging Bull' (which I have tried to watch so many times, but never got around to it); 'Velvet Goldmine'; 'The Hudsucker Proxy'; and 'Casino Royale'.
It's the last one that I saw, that's a masterpiece. It's a James Bond movie, but with a difference (film geeks will know that the novel it is [loosely] based on will be remade into the next Bond movie, starring that blonde dude). It's SORT OF a spoof/parody. Yet... it's bizarre. It's 'Blazing Saddles' meets 'Austin Powers'. On LSD (and I don't say that lightly - I mean, ACTUALLY on LSD. In fact, there's some weird LSD-dispensing plant used in the film). I was surprised at how much was directly lifted from this movie and put into 'Austin Powers'. David Niven is the retired, chaste ("It's depressing that the words "secret agent" have become synonymous with 'sex maniac.'") Sir James Bond who M somehow blackmails (by blowing up his secluded mansion?!) into returning to the force, because all the agents are being killed (sounds like Deuce Bigalow 2, now that I think about it).
Woody Allen plays Jimmy Bond, an incompetent agent ("You can't shoot me! I have a very low threshold of death. My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time." "And afterwards we can run amok! Or if you're too tired, we can walk amok.") Orson Welles plays the villain, Peter Sellers plays James Bond. Well, another one of them. They decide to name all the agents James Bond 007 (including the girls) as a security measure.
It's a very wonky movie, and was very hard to make. And it jumps about a lot - Peter Sellers' character gets killed off rather soon, unexpectedly, because he was causing so much trouble on the set. Woody Allen left in a huff before shooting finished. Orson Welles insisted on doing magic tricks in all of his scenes (which is one reason he and Peter Sellers despised each other). But it's all very fun - especially the last 30 minutes, which is crazy (and reminiscent of the bathos-filled ending of ' Blazing Saddles').
It's a must see for any James Bond or Peter Sellers fan (you might recall that I'm currently reading his biography, which is not very nice to him at all). The other must see movie... well, okay, not really... is 'Doom'. Which has a cool end-credit sequence (and 'Casino Royale' had a very cool opening credit sequence). And it delivers. You get what you expect. Some of us have been waiting for, what, 13 years for the promised film of this game? And it satisfies. Ohhh yeah. It's very similar to 'Resident Evil', actually. So don't go in expecting anything better (well, duh!), although many will.
So I saw that with Phil last night, which was very very fun. And then we went and hung out with his Argentinian flatmate and her friends. Who were nice. Ahem.
And that brings us to today. Day of nothingness! Hehe. I've got rehearsal at 11 tomorrow, in the same building as church. Which starts at 10. I'll miss the last 30 minutes of the message, but oh well. It's still very convenient. I'm not comfortable with calling it my church yet, although I've been there for... a month. I've been in Wellington for a month now. Wow. And I still haven't watched the footage I (and Jeremy, and Scott) filmed in Dunedin. Well, I've watched about 10 minutes of it. I'm such a chicken. Hehe.
One last thing that bears mentioning - I have two splinters in my left hand, one in my index finger-tip and one in my ring finger-tip. I acquired these during an unfortunate hiking incident last weekend (ahem... I lost the path and had to trek downhill through gorse bushes for an hour). They make guitar playing so very very painful. Just thought I'd share.
See you later!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Untitled short story (warning: slightly disturbing)
“This better be worth it,” grunted the detective as he stared up the eight flights of stairs that hovered above him. With a sigh as vocal as his forty-eight year-old lungs allowed, he began his ascent. Each step of his well-polished boots resounded through the concrete tower with a satisfying clunk. They were getting close now. It had been almost twelve weeks since the city had first been plunged into this nightmare, and the killer had been playing with the police department. Leaving messages, leading them on.
One of the last victims, a nineteen year-old call girl, Kaylee, had been found hooked up to a series of wires and rope in her small apartment. She looked like she was standing upright, pointing an accusatory finger at the door. Her neighbour, little old Mrs. Genovese, was hog-tied beside her, with an apple in her mouth. Both dead. The police got the joke – the guy didn’t like cops. The whole department was on increased alert, in case one of them was next.
As he passed the first level, the detective grimaced. This place was filthy, and the entire stairwell smelled of urine and alcohol. Perfect place for a serial killer, he thought. He knew the protocol, he got the memo: never go it alone. Not now. Fat lot of good his partner would do him here, though. That would just be inviting trouble. He’d just have to be extra careful.
Statistically speaking, the odds were in his favour. Only the first victim had been a cop, the rest… well, there was no pattern. No obvious pattern, at least. Gender, age, occupation, race, religion, location, timing, M.O.… they couldn’t find anything. The only thing connecting them were the numbers written in the victim’s blood at the scene. The number of the victims. One, two, three, four… And there was no clue as to who the killer was. Not a hair. A partial fingerprint, but it didn’t match their records. That’s why the detective was resorting to less traditional methods. Like this one.
The detective paused to catch his breath. He wiped his face with an off-white handkerchief and looked around. Wouldn’t expect many customers here, he thought. The grey-stone walls absorbed what little light the buzzing, flickering 40 watt bulbs emitted. The detective even thought he heard the sound of something dripping. He already regretted touching the greasy hand-rail. It’s kinda fitting, though. Purgatorial. He almost smiled at the clichéd surroundings in which he found himself. Almost. Stuffing the handkerchief back in his jacket’s breast pocket, he kept climbing. He saw a child’s face appear under the railing a few stories above him, staring at him. “Clear out, kid.” The kid complied. Imagine growing up in a dump like this. This ain’t no home for a little boy.
None of the killer’s victims had been children, which was a small mercy. But then, number eleven had been a solo mother, so you could say that little Tommy was a victim. He was staying with Mummy’s older sister at the time, but there was no way for the killer to have known that. Hell, not even the press knew that, and they loved this story. Tommy’s in a foster home now; the social workers didn’t want him staying here. In this dump. With a woman who earned her living ‘communicating with departed spirits’. The police found her card on number eleven’s fridge. The detective didn’t believe in any of that junk, talking with the dead or spirits or whatever, but he was willing to make this unauthorized visit on the off-chance it would provide a clue to the killer’s identity.
He made it to her floor, and surveyed the corridor. Dark and grimy, like the others. Guess communicating with the dead doesn’t pay too well. Or maybe this is how the ghosts like it, dirty, dusty, old... The detective found the medium’s room, number 613, and approached it. He rapped on the door, which looked like it was once white, and swallowed a cough. This better be worth it, he repeated to himself.
The killer wanted to be caught, that much was clear… that’s why he was leaving the messages. And yet, the messages were so vague and unclear that no-one in the force seemed to understand them, which frustrated the detective immensely. It was getting to the point where they were almost looking forward to a new victim so that they could get another piece of the puzzle. Hoping that the next message would be clearer.
Madame Grace opened the door. She was a middle-aged woman, obviously a smoker, with wispy black-and-grey hair which looked like it had recently been in curlers. The detective couldn’t tell whether the wet, moldy smell that rushed to great him as she opened the door came from her or from the room. “Detective McLuhan,” she said, “I wasn’t expecting you.” But you remembered me. Must have made some kinda impression. She gestured that he enter her home, and he obliged, following her to the living room. It was a small room, only slightly cleaner than the rest of the building. “D’ya want a drink, detective?” The detective raised his hand and shook his head. “This is strictly business, Mrs. Grace.”
“More questions? I’m going to need a gin.” “No, no more questions,” replied the detective, as he jabbed a pen-knife into her throat. “You know what they say, Mrs. Grace: The medium is the message.” The detective looked around the room, but there was no-one there to appreciate the joke.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
GOD HAS SPOKEN
Subtitle: Mmm, instant miso soup.
Yummy. I had no idea you could get it in a packet like any other good soup. Why, this could become a new thing for me. Oh, that's not related to the main title, by the way. Although I bet God likes a good miso soup too. Though he probably wouldn't need to resort to instant...
Stop babbling. So yeah, God has spoken to me about the Porirua job. I mean, I dunno if I'm gonna get it, or anything, but I do know that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I did it. I was listening to a song this morning, and it quoted part of the Sermon on the Mount. When the singer (Rich Mullins, natch) sang: "Blessed are those who make peace - they are God's children" (Matthew 5:8 - misquoted in The Life of Brian as "blessed are the cheesemakers"), I got that strange feeling you get of the Holy Spirit jumping on your chest and saying "OY!" (Not in the Yiddish sense, although you never know...) Then He reminded me of 2 Corinthians 5:18 - "And all this is from God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and has appointed us to serve in the ministry of reconciliation."
So basically, although I still have plenty of intellectual obstacles to overcome (how is helping people get a divorce different from, say, assisting euthanasia or abortion?), I have faith and peace that it would be within God's will for me to do this job, should it be offered.
Which is nice.
So, I sent through the application form for that job this morning (applications close this evening). I've also got to complete this crazy questionnaire for the recruiter I met last week. It's not actually crazy, just difficult to complete. That's due tomorrow - or today, if possible. So I really shouldn't be blogging.
Oh yeah, night service was quite good at City Church, but... it wasn't all that different from the morning service. Except, of course, for the 10 minute burst of hip-hop from the worship team at the end of the service. But what was cool was that one of the dudes from BatB was there. So I invited myself to his lifegroup tomorrow night, to see what it's like. We don't have rehearsal until Thursday. Which reminds, I should do some rehearsing by myself... some time.
While I'm here, shout out to my new visitor from the Philippines, Sweden and... Canada. That must be Merissa (Forest Hill, Ontario?). The turtle-girl. Oh, and Israel! Hah! And repeated visits from 'Unknown Country'... ooh. I wonder if it's the CIA... dum dum duhhhm!!!
I haven't threatened to kill anyone recently, have I?
Oh just before I go, I saw Gus Van Sant's 'Last Days' on Sunday night. Most of you will hate it, but if you're into experimental/arty films, it'll blow you away. Probably. If you've seen 'Elephant', you'll kinda know what to expect. But it's even more... eccentric than that film. And probably not as disturbing. It's so hard to explain. But don't see it if you want to be entertained.
And on this note - laaaa - chao.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
November 6...
This got me really excited... It used to be the highlight of my year when I lived in Wellington.
Two drawbacks, though. The first is practical, that I'll probably have rehearsal at 1 on Sunday (so I'd miss 5 hours of it AND be dead tired). The other is that, as is always the case, there will be some movies that aren't suitable. To put it mildly. Actually, last year didn't seem to be so bad (from the reviews I've read - maybe it's been toned down), but in the past there's been some borderline (and not-so-borderline) pornographic movies... so, hmm. I'll have to think about it.
Barring that, anyone wanna come with me? :-)
Also looking for people to go to the Harlem Gospel Choir on the night before (Guy Fawkes, I know, but it won't be the whole night)... I think Sharon's keen. Then there's 'Little Shop of Horrors'...
Ooh, I've got to get to church. I'M going to the night service. :-)
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Abnormal
Usually, when opening up the ol' Blogger(TM) window to write a post, I have some idea (vague or concrete) of what I want to say. Not this time. I just feel like blogging. And I know why - I'm totally procrastinating (wave to Carmi).
Procrastinating? What does Sam have to procrastinate from? I've got a job!!!
Just kidding. Hehe. No, I have to a) fill out this hardcore application form for a job and b) revamp my CV. The old one was too creative - literally. The recruitment agent said it was very good, but there'd be a small portion of lawyers who wouldn't appreciate my artistic touch, so I'd get better odds if I made it more conventional and conservative. Her words. Fair enough, I suppose. To some degree - would I WANT to work in a firm that didn't appreciate that creative side of me?
Still no more thoughts on the Family Law role. Well, okay, more thoughts, but no solution. It's analagous to the Catholic GP who recently said he wouldn't do abortions for his patients any more. Which I respect, but... flip, I guess I'm just mega-confused. It started with the whole Civil Unions and Prostitution thing. To put it into words, I'm wondering where to draw the line between standing up for - um, moral rightness? Whatever - and accepting that there's evil in the world, and trying to minimise the harm it does.
Which is a big question.
And it's not like it's a question of this is what God says to do versus this is what seems best from my point of view. I don't actually know where God stands on this. Am I torn between being a right- and a left-wing Christian, or something? To put it in very crude terms, that is. God, I need your wisdom and truth!
Wow, calm down. That was getting close to freak-out. I guess because it's such a big question, with big implications, and it's so relevant... and I guess because you have to choose a side.
My brain hurts. And I can't stop thinking about this. If I may: Meh!
Um... I have nothing more to say. Nope. Nothing.
Friday, October 21, 2005
The Hurricanes get a divorce in Porirua.
Oooh, cryptic title. It should makes sense shortly.
Firstly, the hurricanes (well, especially Wilma - which always makes me think of that bit where Fred gets locked out of the house and the end of the Flintstones' opening credits and yells "WIIIILLLMMMAAAA!!!"). I have this weird fascination with natural disasters. Sorry, this is a bit morbid. But they kinda excite me. I know how tragic they are, and how much pain they cause, but it's kinda... I dunno. Like, chaotic, but romantic. It's hard to explain.
There's a job that's come up in Porirua, which is a bit north of Wellington. Tawa's probably between it and Wellington. It's quite a poor area, with a lot of Pacific Islanders (Jo Jo is from there). The job would be doing Family law, which is divorce, custody, matrimonial property, protection orders, yada yada yada. And for the first time I'm confronted with something I've been putting off as too insubstantial because I don't have to face it yet - where do I stand on these issues?
Okay, I know that I believe divorce is almost always wrong. But what about a lawyer's role? If I'm asked - and if I get this job (which isn't unlikely), this WILL HAPPEN - to formalise a divorce... what does that mean? Legalistically, I'm a co-conspirator to a moral crime. But am I just 'doing my job'? Or perhaps I'm looking to the spirit of the law and doing my best to comfort and cause as little pain as possible... of course, you could apply that argument to, say, euthanasia...
Ah, crud! I knew I wouldn't be able to work this one out. I'm not really sure how to proceed... interviews will be next week, starting ASAP, so I wouldn't get much time to think. I kinda feel like it would be okay to do it, but I can't think (intellectually) on what grounds. Odd. Thoughts?
Finally, I had an interview with a recruiter yesterday. But I didn't realise it was going to be an interview. One of her first comments was that I should be wearing a suit. Big oops. That's okay, I kinda made up for it. It was a very helpful interview, and she's keeping an eye out for me.
Uh... sorry, this is not the most exciting blog. I'm a bit drained, having done little but chat to people and write e-mails all day. Which is very naughty of me. I'm a naughty boy. Um... right.
EDIT: I just watched the slides from this year's CE farewell, which Dave L. sent me (you rock, bro). I still haven't watched my camera footage, that'll be admitting that I've left. But man, I miss CE. I miss that atmosphere of love and support and acceptance... the atmosphere of innocence, in a way, where guys can hang out with girls without alterior motives being suspected; where loving (Platonic) physical contact is enocouraged. Where we try to be so open with each other.
I realised why I'm so melancholic today. In part it's because of the weather being so grey and gloomy. But I'm also suffering from something Abbey identified I struggled with last year - Fridayitis. I used to have Fridays off, see, and stay in my room in my dressing gown all day, and wonder why I was feeling low. Crazy to think that it's come back. Time to do something about it - excuse me.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
"The teaching of Scripture is rather that even as revealed, God is far from fully revealed; God remains free in his revelation, transcendent in his condescension. We might put it this way: God has revealed himself and consequently we know him; but though we know him truly, we do not know him fully, as he knows us."
P. K. Jewett, God, Creation and Revelation: A Neo-Evangelical Theology (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1991), p. 86.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Sigh. Guess I'm overdue for a blog.
Can't you just SMELL the enthusiasm! Funny, you'd think what with all my free time, I'd be back to the daily blogging routine. But nope. It's a little odd... in fact, I feel quite rushed at the moment, which is totally a mind thing. I was going to watch The Last Temptation of Christ today before I took the DVDs back to the store, but then I realised I wouldn't have time for that if I wanted to fit the rest of the things into my day. Which is totally weird. I guess I really want to do a big walk today, or something. And have time to apply for these two new jobs that were in the paper today (both of which look interesting AND suitable - both graduate positions, one for family law in Porirua [which would be... interesting!] and one being the legal adviser for the coppers).
My hands are hurting. In fact, I think there's something wrong with them. I used to be so 'good' at texting, really fast and accurate, and typing, and now it's really hard and painful. Too much guitar playing, perhaps? Scha, like I'm going to stop!
All right, BatB. Or for Carmi - "Beauty and the Beast". She has trouble with acronyms. Anyway... good! Watch the 6pm news tonight on 1, we should be on it at some stage. We had a big media bash last night (I didn't realise how big this was going to be!) which was fun. I know NO-ONE in the show, which I was a little surprised about. I'm getting to know them though, but it's a little awkward. It's hard to tell what they're like, especially with so many of them. There're only a few who seem... well... catty. Like you'd expect drama people to be like (perhaps). Not that I can talk.
So, last night, and the night before we got together. And again tonight. It's pretty full on schedule-wise, but we only have three months! I should get a few days off over Easter, so hopefully a Boxing-Day trip to Tauranga is on the cards... Speaking of meeting Dunedinites, Jared B will be up tomorrow, so we're doing lunch. Yay! So if any of my flatties (or, ahem, anyone else) have anything to pass on to him, please do so!
I ended up seeing Unleashed last night. Better than I would have thought, but not as good as people had said. The fight scenes were pretty incredible. And I saw the "Exorcism of Emily Rose" trailer, which was freaky... more so because it's something I've had first hand experience of. But we don't need to talk about that. And I noticed in the paper that some priest-college (whatever it's called!) in Italy has started a special exorcism paper. Very interesting. AND there was a huge Serenity (release date is 10th of November, I think... so soon!) canvas poster in the forum (okay, I went to Hoyts again... $8.50 on Tuesdays! :-( ), and I asked if I could buy it was they're done with it... to my surprise, I was told I probably could. Which was nice.
Now I just have to wait for Rent (still no word on a release date...)
And, erm, find a job. Yes. Yes, I have to find a job. Yes.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
You'll simply never understand the true nature of sacrifice.
That's a quote from The Wicker Man, which I just watched. And highly recommend. What a frightning ending, though. No wonder it's one of the most famous British Horror films ever. Interesting to see Christopher Lee as someone altogether unsupernatural, for a change.
Sergeant Howie: Your lordship seems strangely... unconcerned.
Lord Summerisle: I am confident your suspicions are wrong, Sergeant. We do not commit murder here. We are a deeply religious people.
Sergeant Howie: Religious? With ruined churches, no ministers, no priests... and children dancing naked!
Lord Summerisle: They do love their divinity lessons.
Sergeant Howie: But they are... a-are naked!
Lord Summerisle: Well, naturally. It's much too dangerous to jump through fire with their clothes on.
And to think, it's being remade right now, with Nicholas Cage in the main role. Actually, he could pull it off. It's Ellen Burstyn in Christopher Lee's role that bothers me. Although, anything with Leelee Sobieski in it is all right with me. Erm, because she's a good actor. And is 9 days younger than me.
Speaking of movies, um... I still haven't seen some that I feel like seeing. World's Fastest Indian (which I'm not all that amped about), Unleashed (which looks like it should be bad, but I've heard it's not), and Dukes Of Hazzard (actually, I just want to see if I can ever trust Pierre's taste in movies. :-) ) And this week... what comes out... something... oh! Gus Van Sant's 'Last Days'. Oooh, fun.
I didn't go to night church tonight. Darn it. I keep meaning to go, and I keep wanting to go... that is, until 4pm. Oh well, one day! Hehe. I finally met Dave O'Byrne's missus there, though. She's a crack-up, she's great. There are some cool people at the church, I just need to hang out with them some more.
Speaking of great crack-ups, I hung out with Phil and Sharon last night. We baked a lemon cake thing. Sooo good. Then we watched the MST3K movie - I didn't ask what they thought of it, actually. Phil laughed a lot, Sharon... well, yeah. Ahem. It was their choice, I think. Well, actually, Sharon wanted to watch A Clockwork Orange until I told her what it was like. Hehehe.
I don't have much to say, but I like to write on Sunday nights because not many people blog/read over the weekend, so it's nice to have something online when they/you DO check it tomorrow. I'm such a loving, serving person.
Ooh, so, first BatB rehearsal tomorrow night... oh yeah, here's the website. I'm excited to be back with musicals, excited to be hanging out with people on a regular basis again... and just excited to be doing something. It will be pretty full on - which will be good!
I guess the point I wanted to get across from my last post about God was not whether He could be wrathful in love etc., although that is a key point. But the very fact that I was and am confused about it. I'm still surprised by that, because I thought I understood it so well and so clearly. But it's a good suprise, a good confusion, because my very ignorance about it seems to be encouraging my faith, strangely.
It's like, theology... well, we can often put so much emphasis on theology because it seems the logical consequence of studing God (by definition!). I always assumed that through logic and reasoning we can explain how and why things are how they are, who God is etc. And while I'm still positive there is a logical explanation/conclusion (to any theological question), I wonder if in fact its impossible for us to discover it on this earth. As in, there'll always be some little twist to confound us. Which makes no sense in itself, unless there was something restricting us from understanding it. I hardly know what I'm saying, except that it all seems to come back to our foolishness being God's wisdom and vice versa. Very interesting - but probably only to me.
But thanks for your thoughts and comments (particularly yours, Charissa. Thanks for the reminder about how I felt about God in Chile, I'd forgotten about that). I still find it difficult to see that God's wrath in the OT could stem out of His love - or at least, how it DID. Because I believe it must have.
I could so easily delete those last three paragraphs and blame it on the late hour, but I won't. But it is way too late to think. I think. So, goodnight.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
No Direction Home
Well... gosh. Where do I start? Um, well, congratulations. 30 comments, that's quite an effort. And between 12 people too, that's not bad. Some might say that it r0x0rs, but not me. Heck, why don't I reply to some comments now:
Scott - Yes, William Shatner is excellent. Beyond words. Even 'r0x0r'. I didn't realise he was in the Twilight Zone movie with the gremlin on the wing... that was what you were talking about, yeah? That was him? Wow. Must see it again, then.
Nam - To Kill a Mockingbird is a great book. Still haven't watched the movie. I always get it confused with One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Also a good movie. P.S. You like boys.
Aunt Don - Thanks for your opinions... I agree that clothing should be unimportant, but I don't think City Church is at that stage yet, although it's a very welcoming church. I mean heck, if I feel uncomfortable with what I'm wearing there, what's someone who can't afford nice close gonna feel?
I dunno...
Katie - Sorry, the dunners shoutout was implied. :-) Beauty and the Beast is going to be in Dunners, ChCh, Welly and Auckland, but I'm only in the Wellington one. I auditioned in ChCh because I missed the Welly auditions and auditioned by myself. Does that clear things up?
Kate the sis - Howdy! Plenty of time to comment, eh? Thanks for that. And yeah, seeing your manic-depressive (joke!) job history in my head is a good motivator... helps me to think outside the box. Oh yeah, La Traviata was very good. Dad wasn't in much, but I'll never be able to forget the sight of him in a leather jacket wearing heaps of bling!!! That's right up there with the dying Jean Valjean image from Les Mis... scary! :)
Carmi - Erm, cheers.
Gustang - Boa vs. Python (which IMDB gives a 2.8) STARTS with a snake (just the one) on a plane!!! OH MY GOSH!!! Actually, it's a private jet. With a bath. Because there needed to be a nude scene. But still, SNAKE ON A JET! That movie was... was... wow. Nothing can prepare you for it. It will blow your mind. There are guys wearing reflective vests over their hunting camo, for goodness sake! And a Texan with snake-skin cowboy boots called Tex! And a giant boa with cyborg implants! Good grief. But as a review warned me, "If you're expecting a movie called "Boa vs. Python" to be good, you have got to ask people for advices before renting anything ever again."
Dave Lim - Oh dear. No, she doesn't have a blog. Sorry. She should, though. You should tell her. Or, er, maybe someone else should. :-) But thanks for the advice.
Esther - OoooooOOOOH! You... LOVE ME!!! When's the... wedding? Okay, anyways. Cheers. I know what you mean.
Pierre - Yo. Guess I don't have much to say to you, either. :-)
Right, done. Guess what... I don't have a job. Hehe. I'm such a kidder. Flip, what have I done (of interest) since I last blogged? When did I last blog? Let me check... Wednesday. Wednesday??? And you guys were complaining about me not blogging? Flip, I'm unemployed, what do I have to blog about??? I'm being cheeky.
Actually, I do have quite a bit to blog about, I'm trying to think of it all. The title refers to the Bob Dylan / Martin Scorsese movie that came out today - I bought it on DVD (I'm surprised it hasn't had a cinematic release... maybe when it's festival time. I may not have watched it by then, even, knowing me! It'll be good to see/hear it on the big screen). Got a free T-Shirt with it, which was handy, because I was shopping for T-Shirts, and the nice ones were all expensive. I can't believe I paid (large figure) for that other T-Shirt I bought today, though. Very nice, so I'm happy. Lot of cash, though.
I'm seeing Phil tonight, for the first time since... well, May? That'll be cool. He'll have a spare room in his flat in December, that's something to think about. Might be a little too soon, though. Depends. And I don't want to move in there and suddenly get a job in, like, Lower Hutt. Or Tawa. So, yeah.
I've been doing a lot of thinking (didn't I say that last time?) about God recently. I'm surprised at how little I understand. I thought (I actually did) that I had it all sussed, and that the bits I didn't know I could find out so easily. But recently I've seen how little I understand. Like, the more I know God, the less I understand Him. Specifically, at the moment, how to reconcile the God I know with what He said/did in the OT... like yeah, mercy/grace vs. judgement/righteousness, but... how does that work? And yet, the more I question like this, the more doubt I have, the more assurance I feel that there is an answer, I just don't understand it. Which is humbling, but that's how it works, isn't it? We can't receive God's wisdom while we cling to our own.
How's that for a blog? Quite eclectic, I imagine. That's kinda how I feel. I've got so much time that I'm sampling lots of different areas of life - thinking, walking, writing, sleeping, music, movies, socialising, etc - in one day, rather than over a week or two. Which is working out for me. I've gotta make sure I don't get too comfortable, though, or I won't want to get a job (which is actually a real danger for me, part of me seriously doesn't want a job, so it's a fight).
Right, last thing, I remember that I promised to talk about cell group. Well, it was good, but I should have guessed from the picture on the website that it would be... a little older than me. Like, there were fifteen people there, 12 of whom were married/engaged, about 9 of whom had kids (and they brought some of them with them!)... It'd be a good discipleship environment, but not so good for fellowship, I feel. So I'll keep looking, I think, preferably within the church (although I'm willing to look outside if I need...)
I'm really behind on my e-mails. But keep sending them! I guess I'm only behind because I don't like deleting e-mails without replying to them, rather than having to say something to someone. But I've felt so supported through your e-mails and comments (and your prayers, I can tell that's making a great difference, thank you!), so you all rock. Love you lots. And you'd better know that I mean it.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I thought I'd be more jealous...
... that Dave got a job before I did. Oddly enough, I'm just happy for him, with a tinge of jealousy. And happy that he'll be here in Wellington. That's a considerable victory; the me of a few years ago would be moping. It's not perfect, though...
I bought "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. Which is incredible. And important - Grace is one of the things I really want and need to understand better. And it's perhaps something that we have twisted so much.
It's one of the things I'm hesitant about with regards to City Church, actually - everyone seems Sunday-besty. I'm all one for dressing up nice and looking good, but church... should church be the opposite? Should we dress down on purpose? Wouldn't that be loving? Serving the lowest common denominator (in man's terms) by making them feel at home? If I met a street-person, would I feel comfortable taking them here? Could I take Michael Scott Wallace there and be welcome?
Thoughts.
I've had a lot of thoughts lately, because I've a lot of free time. And being a Contemplative/Intellectual Christian (I feel closest to God reading about Him and thinking about Him), that's what the devil's attacking the most. I really feel like talking about all the thoughts I've struggled with recently, hopelessness, listlessness (to the point of questioning whether there was ever any list at all), apathy... it probably wouldn't be helpful. Nor legible - those kind of things are generally only truely intelligible in retrospect. And I'm presently very nowtrospective about them.
I've had some very helpful e-mails from people (thanks! Keep 'em coming!), especially a couple from Becs. Which were such a blessing because she's been going through what I've been going through for so long, and I really needed... validation, I guess. Of what I was feeling and of what I was doing (or not doing). Two things I'm currently looking at doing more of is being creative (I've got an interesting idea for a short story, of all things) and going for walks (I know, it's so not me! But when you live in Ngaio, you need to take advantage of the Northern Walkway while you can).
Oh, and I rented 5 DVDs last night (for $10... mmm...) "Tommy", by The Who (watched it last night - pretty cool, actually. Some great guest roles from Eric Clapton, Elton John and Jack Nicholson - who SINGS!). "JFK" by Oliver Stone (it's like, 5 hours long, but I've been meaning to watch it ever since my Lee Harvey Oswald obsession in second year). "The Wicker Man" with Christopher Lee (classic British Horror movie that is being remade). "The Last Temptation of Christ" by Martin Scorsese (with David Bowie and Christopher Walken [?] - controversial classic). And... what was it... ah yes, "To Kill a Mockingbird" with Gregory Peck. Classic goodness.
And I finally taped "Boa vs. Python", which has been doing the late night rounds on Sky recently. That should be kitsch fun! And I saw Boston Legal last night, new TV series, very cool. William Shatner is aweseom!
I'm realy taking advantage of this unemploment thing, huh? Which is good, or at least, better than it taking advantage of me! In fact, I'm starting to get a little busy. Tonight, I'm trying out a life - sorry, cell - group in Johnsonville. I'll let you know how that goes. Tomorrow night, off to the Opera! La Traviata, my Dad's in the chorus. Then there's the weekend (what're we doing, Bing? :-) ). Then Monday and Tuesday nights we start rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast.
Keeping busy. That's an important nugget of wisdom. Heh. Nugget. Like Chicken. But yeah, it's better, when you're playing the waiting game, to not let it play you.
This wasn't the blog I thought I'd write. With all that's going on in the world and my world today, I wasn't expecting to be so... upbeat. God is good. All the time.
POST SCRIPT: Thanks to sitemeter, I can now give a town-by-town shout-out (thanks for the headsup, Abbey!) So, to my sister who is reading from in or around Normal, Illinois (and East Peoria), hi! To Penny, who reads from Christchurch, hi! To whoever reads from Tokyo - and you read a lot! - hi! Seatoun, Te Horo, Otumoetai and Hornby, hi! Becs and everyone reading from New South Wales... hi! And all those people reading from various towns in Texas (Houston - a city, I know - Alief, Plano...) hi! Oh, and there's one from Timaru, 99 visitors ago, on Clear.net. Could be Gran... HI!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
One, two, three times a fraud!
EDIT: Then again, there's always this... /EDIT
ONE: I DIDN'T end up buying a cricketing magazine. No, Dave bought it and paid for it, I only found it. But that made sense, because then Mr. Lim could pay him back in person.
TWO: Contrary to my five-hours-earlier discussion with Jeremy, in which I totally condescended on a local cinema complex (and let's face it, that was justified - 'Regent on Manners', what a hypocritical name!) and implied that you wouldn't drag me there kicking and screaming, I went there last night to see a film. 'The 40 Year Old Virgin', I am somewhat embarrassed to confess. It was quite funny, and had a reasonably positive 'moral', but very lewd and crude.
THREE: Therein I saw the Serenity trailer... and failed to shriek. A muted gasp or yelp of excitement was the most I would allow myself, being alone in a crowded cinema. I am such a fraud. I hope I can top that for the Rent trailer.
On the other hand, it means Serenity will be out pretty soon, huzzah!
Met up with Miss Sharon Darragh today. We went for a bushwalk through Otari bush, and somehow ended up in Karori cemetary. Yes, it was a long walk. But it was great to see her, and catch up, and chat... I couldn't help but imagine what my post CE social life will hold from this point on, though. From her experience, and those I know who have graduated from CE (fitting, from what I hear about last night), it just gets hard from this point on.
On that note, I SHOULD go to the 6pm church service tonight, which I'd like to and told some people I probably will... but I won't. I just struggle with two services, especially a night one. I do want to go, some time. I'll go to a life group this week, though - which will be largely older people. Cell group, sorry. Wrong name.
If there's one thing that seems hard to come by in Wellington, it's something to do on Fri/Sat nights (and other socialising times)! Or rather, a group of people to do it with. Not for everyone, of course! In CE, you could just go somewhere and hang, or throw a party and people would come. Here, it seems hard. Not because there aren't the people, or because they live so far apart, but because there aren't the contacts and the communication. No semi-organised group of likemindeds, at least, not that I (or anyone I know) have found. Maybe I should do something about that, after some more searching.
There was a good job in the paper yesterday. I'm going to apply for it tomorrow. It seems to be just what I'm looking for... yet I'm strangely pessimistic. Even my mother wondered if it was God smiling down on me for once (that's what she said, 'for once'. I know I'm very blessed!), yet I'm not getting my hopes up. I don't know if that's the right or the wrong thing to do.
Speaking of, I caught up with my old mate Guy yesterday. His (new) flatmate does miniatures for King Kong, and judging by his toys and gadgets, seems to be a much bigger film geek than I! I KNOW! I'll have to meet him... but more to the point, it's strange (no, interesting) how I've still got this burning desire to work in film. And not in a legal way, in a more connected way. But I'm still sticking with my two year plan.
So all in all, things are good. I had a mega-melancholic time yesterday morning, having dreamed about CE and talked about the CE farewell with Dave and then saying goodbye to him. But I chatted with Abbey, which brightened my day. I'm looking forward to chatting with Carmi again at some stage, if you're reading! I don't chat online much, but sometimes it can be really nice.
NZ Idol is on tonight. But with Jesse out, I ain't watching. So there. :-)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
I bought a cricket magazine today.
EDIT: Well, how could I NOT link to this... although I still can't quite make out the picture. But imagine this happening ON A PLANE! /EDIT
That would have been a perfect title if it were true. In the end, I didn't buy the magazine for Dave Lim, for various reasons. Still, that beat out the many possible other titles:
'Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.'
'Sprite Zero is DISGUSTING!'
'Job Hunting: When Welfare Attacks!'
'Jeremy owes me a fiver.'
'What's up with the Catholic Church?'
Went out on the Great CV drop again today. Luckily my parents have an unused garage in town, which is nice. Unfortunately, it's quite a walk away, uphill from town, and it's been quite sunny lately. Ah well, it's worth it to not pay the $4 per hour parking fees.
Everyone's been asking me how the interviews are going. Well, um, they're not. I haven't had a single interview yet. I, er, I don't think that's extraordinary... I've only been here a week. Oddly enough, I'm not at all scared at the thought of interviews. That might change.
So, Dave and Bing are here tonight. Coolness. Mum's cooking for us all - ah, Mums. It'll be cool to hang together. Be praying for Dave's interview tomorrow (Friday) afternoon, guys, speaking of interviews. 1pm. I hope he gets it, it's a cool school.
Oh yeah, did I mention that I'm in the chorus of Beauty and the Beast? Well, I am. Rehearsals (which are supposed to be full on - I may not be able to do anything during my holidays. If I have work to take a holiday from, that is!) start the week after next. That should be fun, and challenging! I'm excited, and a little daunted by it. It'll be great to be acting and singing again, and dancing... man, dancing. That'll knock a few kilos off. I haven't danced (apart from Ceroc) since... 2000. I'll need to get fit again. Can do. But most of all, I think I'll enjoy just being in a production with people, working with them, getting to know the arty crowd again. That'll be nice.
And, a piece of honesty to wrap up. How am I doing? Well, I think. Down periods, but I've been given a lot of grace, and so I don't dwell in them like I did... well, last time I was job-hunting. God's with me. But right now (as in, at 4pm on Thursday), the hardest part is not knowing what to do with myself. Job-hunting is surprisingly draining...
It doesn't help the Carmi and Dave P. are both away from their computers, so they don't blog. Luckily I've got the rest of you... but Jeremy, you're well overdue. Come on. And Bing! Get your whatsit into gear and post!
Slackers. All of you. :-)
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Feels like it's been ages since I blogged...
... and it's only been one day. I think that's the official definition of 'unemployed'. Or maybe I'm just trying to protect you from having to share in my job-hunting.
To be fair, life's not too dull around here. I've already caught up with... um... two Wellington friends. In a week. Hmm. But I've been doing stuff, oh yes! Like church. I went to church on Sunday - as you know. Did I like it? Um... yes. I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for, but this seems to be a very good church. My only quibble would be that because they're so big, I'm not sure how much I can contribute. But then, that's probably understandable thinking for someone on the outside who's only been to one service.
But they're onto it in their follow-ups, I'll tell you. Out of the blue, the Associate Pastor organised lunch with me, and some other guy I met on Sunday, and Jared Lynn's friend I met last time I was up (Sam), and possibly some random. And that's tomorrow. Which is nice. If confusing. But cool - when I met the AP on Sunday, he entered my cellphone number into his personal organiser thing, which automatically sent me a text saying 'Hey sam, let's grab a coffee'. Though I'm not sure how that turned into lunch with three other people!
Monday night I went to 'First Monday' - again, I had no idea what it was all about going in, which was fun. Brendan invited me. Apparently they meet on the first Monday of every month (do I even need to say 'hence the name'?) and pray for the city. It's primarily youth/students/young adults from various churches around Wellington. Quite a good turnout too; looks like something I'd love to support, actually. Looks like something Dunedin should try. :)
Today I went around various law offices and dropped of my newly flash-looking CV. But only two of the people I wanted to give it to accepted it in person; the rest were via proxy/reception. And I got all dressed up for nothing! :)
On a more serious note, it was a real challenge to do. And it was very humbling to see that my faith in God's provision of a job is little more than optimism, which doesn't cut it. Because optimism still relies on facts and perception, it just warps it somewhat. Whereas if I had the faith I thought I did, I wouldn't be at all discouraged by the difficulty and lack of encouragement of today. In fairness, I've had some pretty rough job experiences in the past, but still... I thought I was stronger than that now.
I guess that's why I can't rely on doing it alone. Which is why I am glad that I have a friend calling me tomorrow night on that topic; that I'm meeting Christian people tomorrow that I can get support from; that Bing's here; that Dave'll be here shortly, briefly; and that I'm in the prayers of so many wonderful people. I should make better use of it though - I should try and catch up with Sharon and Phil, for starters!
The faith that I do have for a job, though - small, but you know what they say about mustard-seed sized faith - gives me the strong feeling that I'll get one... but it's going to be a long, hard wait. And part of me is okay with that, because I know it'll be good for me, and I know I need it.
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are.
I know that I'm quite financially secure at the moment, and that I've got no desperate need for work, or so it seems. In way, that makes it harder - harder to motivate myself, harder to fight for. But I don't feel like going into that now.
The other thing I wanted to talk about was Roger, who I met today. Oddly, she's a girl. A Hare Krishna who started up a conversation with me (I would say 'accosted', but that's a weighted word... plus I was the one who was approaching her!) on the streets today. Roger is short for something a little more... Krishnan. Although I resisted my initial urge to say 'no thanks' and go my way (in the belief that since neither of us is going to change our positions, what's the point?), my approach left something to be desired. Which, again, was humbling.
Maybe my brain wasn't in gear, maybe I wasn't spritually prepared, or maybe I'm just not quick enough or smart enough, but there was little apologetics involved on my part. However, I did score a minor victory - as I left, she told me that I was one of the nicest Christians she'd ever met.
She wasn't too bad herself.
But that could be partly her approach - her first words to me (imagine this in a European accent - German, possibly Swiss) were "Congratulations, you win the prize for the styliest person on the street today! You look so happy, did you win lotto?" She knows the way to a man's heart! She was quite cute, though, even with her short hair. Even her little teasing grimace after I responded to her "you're not one of those Born Again Christians, are you?" was sweet.
And yeah, commenters and readers, I already know how you're going to respond to that.
But it's interesting to reflect on our reactions. I think we both came away with more respect for the other person's beliefs, even if we strongly disagree with them. And yet, if I had 'successfully' got her into a theological corner or just said "no, you're wrong, I'm right!"... that would have been much more damaging.
Which I guess underscores what Paul talked about 'not coming with persuasive words'. I mean, there's a time for apologetics. I firmly believe that Christians need to know the logical and scientific basis of their faith (or, so I don't sound like a hypocrite, know enough to be able to look up the rest!). But I learned today that there's also a time for listening, respect, and just smiling.
No, I didn't get her number.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Why I love Abbey...
Well, I can't even begin to start to begin to list the ways. But she did guess my secret question in one go, and so now my e-mail is working again. And yes, my knees will be hitting the floor very shortly. So, er... no need to change your addresses, guys! Thanks Abbey!
Now to go through these 13 new messages...
P.S. On a more serious note, I was praying a few hours before I lost my e-mail access that I wouldn't feel useless and unproductive... and this worked! Very weird, almost creepy answer to prayer.
P.P.S. My secret question has now changed. Nyaaah! :-)
P.P.P.S. I dunno if there is anything wrong with yahoo, I'd just prefer a different address.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
I'm not giving up...
Flag Gmail. Three reasons.. no, four. ONE - Gmail is evil, and will one day rule the world. TWO - Gmail is very difficult to set up (it would be more accurate to say that I've had a terrible run of bad luck with it so far, but I'm up for the sweeping statement). THREE - Because of TWO, any Gmail e-mail that bears a remote semblance to my name has been rendered inoperative by repeated attempts to register. But most of all FOUR - I can't use Messenger with Gmail. And after the great discussion I had a few days ago with two of my bestest girlfriends, that's important.
So it's back to hotmail. My new address is the same as the old one, BUT with a full stop between my first and last names. Got that?
Are you sure?
There'll be a quiz...
(hehehe), as my title says, I'm not giving up. I can theoretically get my old e-mail address back IF...
IF...
If I can answer the secret question I posed myself when I signed up. I'm not entirely sure when that was, thought. I'd guess around 2001 - I was 19, pre-Christian. Why is all this relevant? Because I need your help!
The question is... 'Favorite Person from History'.
Who was that person? I haven't the foggiest. So give me your guesses!
Heck, if you have the time, try it yourself! Try to log into hotmail with my old account, click 'Forgotten Password', and follow the prompts! Fun for the WHOLE family!
Until it locks you out, but that doesn't last TOO long! :-)
See, this is how you make an otherwise devastating problem fun!
Saturday, October 01, 2005
No, NOT so hotmail!
Well... nuts. For some reason, I'm locked out of hotmail. And have been for the last two days. Worse, I'm also locked out of the 'forgotten your password?' option through too many tries. Which is nice. So I have no way of receiving e-mails, in case anyone has sent any.
So I thought, heck, let's take advantage of this situation, and switch to gmail. So I got some gmail invites from Jeremy. I used one, and fortunately I got 'sambentonATgmail.com', which you will notice is remarkably similar to my hotmail one. However, gmail said Jeremy's invite was BAD, so it wouldn't work. Unfortunately, that meant that I still had that address, but it was completely useless. I have another invite, but I can't get that address. Nor anything like it.
Which is nice.
I've e-mailed hotmail, but I've heard that they just ignore unpaid customers. I can only hope that the lockouts will time out at some stage. But the only way to know that is to try to login; which, presumably, will restart the lock-out clock. I've also deleted the gmail address, but it must take a while for it to come back on the market, because it's still 'in use'.
So. If you need to contact me... good luck. Comments or texts work. Oh, and MSN messenger doesn't work either. I hope - understatement - that I can access my hotmail account eventually (which I'm SURE is filling up with 'one night only' job offers) so that I don't lose my stored e-mails. Or my contacts.
Got me thinking, though. How effective would an attack on Hotmail's/Gmail's systems be, wiping *everything* they had? How many people are, if not dependant, strongly attached to their e-mail addresses and inbox? What effect would it have?
Note to Cyberthreat police: hypothetical scenario only.
Your face is a hypothetical scenario only.