Don't make me use my handbag!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Two posts in a week...
Bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you, boy?
Well, Abbey's come and gone. And, like with many of us, it was a thought-provoking visit (among other things). You're all very right - I do need to stop hiding behind my job, and my shows etc. and live life. I suppose since arriving in Wellington (and possibly before), I've been able to say "my life isn't quite how I'd want it because I don't have a job, because I can't find a church, because I'm in a show, because I still don't have a job, because I do have a job, because I can't find a church that I can call my own, because I'm in another show, becausee I have friends visiting..."
But now, with the next friend visit being eight weeks or so away (wave to Steph, who I note is bloggin again!), the only thing I can really hide behind is the impending (three weeks tomorrow) flat relocation (which, let's face it, will be rather big: especially considering it'll probably be a move home and then a second move once we find a flat).
But, really! Come on. I need to get things sorted out. And I think one of the main ones - or maybe it's just on my mind this week - is friends. Not just female friends, as per my last post. Aside from those from the shows, and those I did not know well who are coming to Friday night life group, I have not made any new friends (and those ones I mentioned, I am not too close to). And it's been... 10 months.
Okay, I'm not getting down on myself here, or complaining. I'm just whacking myself in the face with this point. I know I can make friends if I try. I guess doing so has always seemed either disloyal to my current ones (who, let's face it, I could really e-mail/hang out with more), or for some reason I have doubted that I could ever attain the depth of relationship I have had in the past. In Dunedin, I guess.
Bad thinking. Bad!
Well, I guess the best (and really, only) way I can think of is to plunge in and get more involved in the church I'm attending (see, I'm still uncomfortable with calling it 'my church'). And if my suspicion that the people there are all relationally incompatible with me is correct (i.e. they're all too old, or too married and parenty, or like me only for my sweet moustache*), then yah. Maybe I will have to look elsewhere.
* Just kidding, I don't REALLY have a sweet moustache. But one can dream.
And now, on a different topic, the decisions:
Will I:
1. Try to find some other better time to go down to Dunedin (e.g. find out when the Oscars are on - anyone know?), and take a day off work.
2. Take a trip to Auckland on September 22 (sorry Carms, I'll be missing your party), taking a day off work, seeing the Aucklanders again as well as Beauty and the Beast and Les Miserables (with a friend in it) again in one hit?
3. Save up my holiday leave and money, including the expected $2k compensation, take a holiday from 23 December to, say 23 January and go to New York, and/or Texas, and/or Hong Kong (New Years' Party anyone? Or maybe it's Kristy's turn to come to US. :) Or maybe we could all go to Sydney...), and/or some other country (Mexico?) with family and/or friends?
4. Buy a laptop (which I will have to do sooner or later) with some of the compensation money (a lot of which will actually be absorbed by various costs such as moving and storage), and keep the rest for savings and/or bills?
5. Buy a whole bunch of DVDs and CDs and movie tickets with the compensation money?
6. Blow the compensation money and holiday leave by throwing a HUGE party in some exotic location, then wake up with the dry horrors and realise that uh-oh, there really wasn't THAT much compensation money, and I'm left to pay this bill.
7. Lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?
Wait, scrap that last one. But there's a point, I should really get around to buying the RENT DVD off Amazon. And I should really buy my two favourite films of '05, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Serenity (which would mean everyone but Dave would own it in this flat... hmm, not very economical).
Thing is, I want something tangible from the compensation money, so maybe the laptop is the best bet. Then I can look at it and say, yeah, I wasn't completely screwed by the nasty landlords. On the other hand, it wouldn't leave too much for spending on, say, an overseas trip. Although there have been vague hints of getting a raise...
In fact, in an ideal world, I would get options 1-4 (well, and 5-6, but they're just added bonuses). I think I may be able to manage 2-4 if I save money (and leave - I think I have two weeks and one day left - option 2 would get rid of the day). Option 1. would be super cool, but the only issue is timing. I dearly want to see my friends down there (there are still so many of you! Scott, Justin, Mel, Jane, Lydia, Emma, Joe, Dan, Jared, Jared, Josh, Bibs, Davids (Lim and Hawkes), Pierre, Michelle, Jacqui, Andrea, Nicola, Cara, Ange, Neelam, Esther, Lizzie, all those I have missed (Gus, you're in Timaru, right? For now... Actually, I could go via Timaru and Christchurch and get a whole lot MORE friends). So I'm praying that something will work out (maybe literally - as in, that work would send me down to interview clients, or something).
So I think I'll decide to keep my eyes open for time to visit Dunedin, and look into getting a laptop (any suggestions anyone? Gustang? NOT a Mac), and organising a September and a Summer trip...
Oh, and getting an awesome cheap flat. Which would be nice.
(P.S. I suspect David Pomeroy will be blogging in the next few days - keep your eyes peeled. It'll be an interesting one, I'm sure!)
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Now I remember why - and how much - I missed Abbey.
It's strange. I thought that I had... well, not 'moved on', but reached a place where it would not hurt to say goodbye a second time. But it does, it really does. Perhaps I'll get through it quicker.
People say not to dwell on these feelings of loss or loneliness or whatnot. To look to the good times, treasure what you did, do, and WILL have. And although there is some great wisdom in the latter, I think it is denying something true to pass over feelings of sadness, whatever the cause. Especially as such repression is my natural inclination (eventually - I do love a bit of a mope first, just never a satisfying one).
But, for example, the hurt indicates a lack in my life. Not necessarily (just) of Abbey, but of... well, I'm not sure what. Relationship, perhaps. Of a certain kind. There's a point - I am seriously lacking in female friends, for perhaps the first time since... since I could approach them without vomiting (okay, I never did that, but poetic license, people!) Okay, sure, I have such friends long distance, but that's a big difference. And I also have some good female friends right here in town. But not really ones that I hang out with on an irregular basis (that is to say, I mainly see them on Friday nights at life group, and that's that).
Jeepers, that's quite a revelation (let me reiterate, I still feel really stink that Abbey's gone, and not just 'cos she fulfilled this need). I'm suddenly in need of some good girlfriends (small 'g', plural, for the nosey). Maybe I didn't notice it because I've been so busy, or because I work in an all-female firm (and flat with all-males, making me psychologically link females with work and males with socialising). I've always treasured my close female friendships. Wow.
That's something I need to pray about. Particularly because my social life would need quite a change for any of this to happen. Maybe I need to go to a church where such friendships would come more naturally, such as the Elim here (or the Street, say).
Okay, I'll get off that train of thought now, but let me know your thoughts (and please pray, if you remember). My life is a little unbalanced right now in several ways, you could say. Perhaps I'm going through the whole having to let go of your past friendships (i.e. accept that they have changed) in order to be freed for others. Who knows.
It doesn't look like I'll make it to the King's Ball. That's the weekend we get kicked out of the flat. We have signed a document from the landlord's lawyer agreeing to everything, once we get the money, that's sealed. I'd still really really like to make it down this year. And to Auckland. And maybe overseas...
And I was thinking of buying a laptop with some of the settlement money (the rest would go towards trips, I suppose), and I still am. But this has been a VERY expensive week, what with eating out and doing things and driving and PARKING and stuff. Very expensive (and the Film Festival ain't even half-way, folks!).
As an aside that deserves a new paragraph, I failed my WOF on Tuesday ($160-odd). I had to take my windscreen to another place to get fixed today ($70). I was told that the 'stone chips' on it were in fact burn marks, probably from when the windscreen was (badly) installed in Dunedin. And that, if their quick job didn't pass the WOF, it would cost $780-odd dollars to replace the windscreen (as they couldn't do it without fixing the rust). So, praying all the way (with Jacqui in the car, freshly arrived from her Germany trip), I took my car back to the WOF place and passed the test. Because the guy was so busy, he didn't even LOOK at the rough job the second place had done, he just looked at the guarantee they had given me (which didn't guarantee it to WOF standards). So, much praise to God for that.
Speaking of, for the past, say, two months, Wellington has been having SHOCKING weather. Like, really bad and grotty. Abbey's arrival at Monday lunch 'coincided' with our first clear, beautiful, sunny day in forever. I joked that it would rain as soon as she got on the plane this evening. It turned out that people had been praying for good weather for her, on this leg. And, as Lou and I left the airport this evening, whaddya know - the first drops of rain since she came fell. Again: praise God.
Having Abbey here, particularly at Lou's party on Monday night, make me feel for the first time like it was like Cutting Edge Dunedin. I dunno what she added that everyone else didn't have: it was probably because I have known everyone else in other - i.e. Wellington - contexts. But we laughed and had fun, just like the Good Ole Days. Which was nice.
Another awesome thing about Abbey being here was that I got to spend more time with Louise (I don't think she reads this, so that's okay :-) ). But I've always enjoyed her company, so that was really good. There aren't many people I would willingly share Abbey-time with. Matt and Lou and Abbey and I ate dinner at my folks' place the other night, which was really nice (despite the inevitable merciless teasing. Sigh. :-) ). She came to the LotR exhibition at Te Papa with us too.
Oddly enough, I haven't really mentioned Abbey herself. I think - similar to what she said on her blog, in fact - it wouldn't do it justice. And, also, it still hurts to say how much fun it/she was (although pretty skanky :-) ). Suffice to say, I absolutely loved having her here, and it couldn't have been better.
I feel bad now, because I didn't gush like this over Carmi. Sorry. I love you just as much, don't you forget it. And your friends are awesome too, and totally jealous of your face. And I can't wait to see you again. And I'm still working on that cancer thing.
That'll WAY do for now. I've got work tomorrow. I've actually been feeling guilty about getting time off work, but I've fought against it. Regardless, tomorrow, my 6-day weekend ends and I return to work.
Thank God it's Friday.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Shifty paradigms
It interests me how much my blogging - and, to be fair, the blogging of the once-thriving Elim blogosphere - has changed over the past, say, year. It's less frequent, less... intimate. Less attention is being paid to it. I think, apart from the obvious fact that people have other things to do etc., some of it has to do (at least, in my case) with the fact that the 'incentive' has changed. Those who read my blog now are the truly dedicated (for which I am grateful, as it is not just a passing interest but a real choice to become involved in my life). Even if I wrote the most excellent post, I wouldn't get any more and different readers.
Which I'm coming to turns with. It's just a paradigm shift. I am no longer blogging to entertain (not that I ever did, but there was always that potential), but to continue my relationship with those who have committed to it. And the reason my posting is less frequent (apart from the fact that I'm crazy busier) is because there's not much going on in my personal life that needs to be mentioned to keep those relationships fresh.
If that makes any sense.
With that established, let's get to blogging.
Foistly, no update on the flat issue. We are about 80% likely to get our settlement ($2,000 each!), and be forced to move out in four weeks' time tomorrow. We are currently flat-hunting, and I will let you know how that goes.
Secondly, I am glad you enjoyed the song from the last post. I did not write it, unfortunately. It is a song from the musical Wicked (VERY good show), sung by two best friends, the 'Wicked' Witch of the West to the Good Witch of the North (before they get called 'Wicked' and 'Good', respectively). It struck a chord with me (yeah, yeah) because I am so aware (and grateful) that those people I am privileged to call friends have shaped me so much more than they know. It's a beautiful recognition of the fact that, basically, no man is an island (except for Stewart). I guess I kind of dedicated that to my good friends, which - as we've seen - is largely those of you who read this blog.
You know, despite the fact that I don't actually write them anymore, I still have moments when I think "yes, I should blog about that!" And I probably would, if I blogged more often. In fact, here's a freebie:
I'm at an interesting place in my relationship with God. It's a plateau, I guess. And I've basically been there since, say, February. It would have been since I got settled in Wellington (maybe, November), if something hadn't happened in January that kinda screwed things up for a bit! Anyway, enough of that. It's nice to have a plateau finally, after the ups and downs of the past, well, four years!
Basically, leaving Elim Dunedin has been very impacting on me. In fact, I've recently been reading in my lunch-breaks a book that my pastor at the Baptist Church wrote - "A Churchless Faith". Basically talking about the faith journeys of those who left leadership positions in Evangelical/Pentecostal/Charismatic churches, and why. I only mention that for interest's sake, and because I find it encouraging that other people are on the same path. I will reiterate what I've said before that I think those kind of churches are great, but I've come to a point where I need a different approach to finding God (and realising that there ARE different, and acceptable paths has made a lot of difference).
I guess my point is (and I know I've mentioned this all before) that things have changed, and it's working for me, but it's quite different. Take from that what you will! Hehehe.
All right, I'm off to see the folks. And tomorrow, I get to see Abbey.
Which is nice.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
For Good - Wicked
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
And because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.
---------------------------------------------------------
Update: We are making our landlord an offer that they can't refuse: we WILL move out of our flat when they want us to, if they compensate us. We are asking for the grand sum of $8,000. Yes, it's big. We will keep you informed. In related news, we looked at flats again today... Jean's right, this could turn out to be a blessing in disguise...
As for the Texas Bombshell, Aunty D. - I forgot that I hadn't mentioned that on here. And with reason: I didn't want to get hopes up again. But yes, that is still an option for, say, December...
Of course, I am still counting down for the OTHER Texas Bombshell - 9 days to go! I should really start makin' some plans...
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Settle down!: Elaboramendaddendum
Elaboramendaddendum. Elaboramendaddendum. I like that word. Try saying it ten times fast. Try saying it ten times fast with a goldfish bowl (filled with water) balanced on your head. Try naming your firstborn child that.
I dare ya.
So, after much abuse (okay, a little abuse and a small feeling of guilt), I have decided to elaborate on my previous post. And amend it. And make an addendum. But you'll have to excuse my craziness, because I'm currently quite doped up, having been struck down by the infamous post-stress cold that's going around (and appears to have just hit Texas, by the sounds)...
Firstly, to Uncle Pedro. The flat thing is complicated. Our flat has been sold (after we were assured it wouldn't be), and we've been given our 42 day notice. Fortunately for us, we have a fixed-term lease (until November), so we can't be kicked out. Unfortunately for the landlord, he didn't know about this (his sister arranged everything). Interestingly, it seems that Harcourts DID, so I don't quite know what went wrong. But basically, we have a right to stay until mid-November, and that could cause a lot of havoc given that the house has been sold. So, I'll keep y'all updated. Unless you go back t'dark place, then there's no helping you.
Secondly, SAWAH FWIEND!
Where is your myspace site, by the way?
Thirdly, thank you Carmi for supporting me through that difficult time of Sarah's doubting me.
Finally, yes, Abbey. Right on all three counts.
As for a longer blog... well... good point. I'm actually finding it hard to put into words how fun the weekend was. Like, I feel it would be better unsaid, for some reason. There wasn't one moment with you all that I didn't enjoy, or that I regret. Except coming second to Sarah at Mini-Golf, that secretly destroyed me.
I haven't changed my Get-Pretty room, either. It's funny, when I first moved in, I couldn't sleep under a window at all because they were way breezy. But now it's not so bad (possibly because I've been heating my room up at night). So yes, it looks like it's going to be a very effective room organizey-thing.
Until we get kicked out of our flat. :)
Now I have to decide some things, by the way. Obviously I'm taking three days off in a fortnight for the great A-Train visit. But I need to consider the options of also taking time off on the 18th of August for the King's Ball in Dunedin, and mid-September for Auckland. And I'm also wondering about the proposed Christmas trip to Texas - would it be better to save it until next year, perhaps?
Decisions, decisions. Not to mention having to decide what Film Festival movies to book for (beyond the 6 I already have)...
Life is good. I am happy, and relaxed.
Of course, that's the drugs talking.
Which is not quite as funny as a talking monkey that came from the future, who can only say 'ficus'. But that's sooo 2005 (go rent Kiss Kiss Bang Bang NOW!)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Settle down!
Jeepers.
How's it going, guys? Just so you know, I don't intend to let my blogging get more and more infrequent (less and less frequent?), it's just how it's happened.
So, the big news is that the show is over.
Just kidding. The big news is that Carmi and her friends (MY friends now) visited. I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I liked (read: I didn't get to spend every waking hour with them), but that made no difference because it was SO GOOD to see them! We had a piratetastic weekend (went to play pirate golf, saw my show which had a scene in which I was a pirate, and went to see Pirates of the Caribbean), fun fun fun. And the tacos were pretty darn good too, if I do say so myself (and I do, I do!)
You can play Settlers of Catan online. Who knew?
Not the Nazis, I bet.
But yes, the show is over, and now I too can settle down. Into some semblance of a routine. Except not really, because Abbey is coming (which COINCIDENTALLY coincides with my three days off work - and by COINCIDENTALLY I mean I planned it), and so is the Film Festival.
And we might be getting kicked out of our flat.
But OTHERWISE...
It never stops, does it? Again I say: Jeepers.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
I *knew* there was something I'd forgotten to do this weekend!
Which makes it 8 days since I last blogged ("Eight! Vah hah hah hah haaaah!" As The Count would say). Crazy. Sorry, dudes! Only four more shows left until I'm back to some semblance of sanity. Ooh, sybillance.
That's right, three weeks and 12 shows down. And I didn't end up working this weekend either (thank the Lord!), so I got a beautiful relax-time. Exxxcellent. Yeah, I know, I know: "If you were so UNbusy, why didn't you blog???" Meh, I say. Meh and meh. That's my way of denying all and any liability.
So, various events have occurred over the last week (major ones) meaning that I COULD, if I so desired, go down to Dunedin when Abbey was there. As I prayed, and as I asked you to pray.
But...
Ahem.
See, change of plan (sorry!) Instead of that plan, I'm going to take three (or two) days off while she is here, because she'll be crazy-booked down in Dunedin. So I do apologise for that. And I am still keen to come down and visit all of you, I am. I'm just waiting for SOMEONE (anyone!) to let me know when the King's Ball is... that would be VERY HELPFUL (but no promises, naturally).
I saw Superman Returns today. Better than I expected, on a par with Batman Begins (interestingly, that was apparently what they were going for, and that's why they chose Bryan Singer, for his more gritty, realistic style). Most enjoyable. Particularly Kevin Spacey and PARKER POSEY! Oh Yeah! Oh, and a YOUNG MARLON BRANDO and Eva Marie Saint! Not to mention that it was originally also going to co-star Johnny Depp, Hugh Laurie and Jude Law. That would have been incredible!
So, four/five days until Carmi and her gang arrives... that'll get things a bit crowded. I think I'm going to go to bed now.