Don't make me use my handbag!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Pull my finger!
Better post alert. Why? Possibly because I'm more in the mood. Possibly.
So, what's new? Well, I saw CHILDREN OF MEN last night. Excellent movie, highly recommended. Especially for the large single-shot scene towards the end. It was less sci-fi than I thought it would be - subtler, I guess. Or perhaps, understated. I dunno, but very good. Better get BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Oscar, or I'll... I dunno. Shoot FLAGS OF WAR/LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA I guess. Yup.
Dave and I had a sing-a-long practice for our audition (next weekend) this previous weekend. It was fun - and surprisingly tiring, after adding the most basic of dance moves, the box-step. Guess I'm out of practice. I hope I get into this show, I really do. I'm looking forward to it. I'm still auditioning for a main role, but only because I'd kick myself if I didn't try. I've got next to no chance of getting it. We're also practicing the audition pieces with some other (somewhat random) people on Thursday night. Cool-weird. Could be a laugh.
I cannot believe it's almost December. Two days until Summer. I bought an advent calendar this past weekend - with chocolate inside. My folks always used to get them for us when we were wee, and I missed them ever since they stopped. It's probably been, what, 10 years since I've had one? I'm so excited. It doesn't make me feel Christmassy, though. Probably for the best.
Oh yeah, you are all invited to our flatwarming (aka Jeremy's 24th birthday party - although he insists it isn't) this Saturday night, 8pm. I don't think ANY of you will be in town, but you know. You know, unless you're my flatmates. Hi, guys. How's it going.
Okay, I'll turn the music down.
I'm listening to Neil Young, I gotta turn up the sound
Someone's always yellin' "Turn it down"
Feel like I'm driftin', driftin' from scene to scene
I'm wonderin' what in the devil could it all possibly mean?
Sunday, November 26, 2006
All right, two sunburned weekends in a row. That's great for pre-Summer Wellington. And very social of me. I'm awesome.
I'm not quite sure what to blog about. You know, because my aforementioned awesomeness would overwhelm anything else. Perhaps this link would be of interest. I know Carmi mentioned it recently, but it updates, and it can be hilarious. Or, in a similar vein, there's this link. Both of which my flatmates would enjoy. Or this picture. Or, in aid of white-ribbon day, this helpful tidbit.
That'll do for now.
I had a weird dream last night. It had two guys with weird names, Jowolf and Heartless, and someone I'll call Phyntosia (who's a chick I used to be friends with). It's so irritating, because I can't remember what it was about, but I remember some parts very very clearly. And I know it was a good dream. And significant in some way. And I remember I was sitting with Phynosia at a Christian seminar in a big lecture room, and then afterwards she and I were talking about Christianity heaps, and then this Phynosia girl went on a picnic with Jowolf.
The next day, I got a random text from Phynosia, telling me that she'd dreamed about me, which possibly wasn't the best way to phrase it — I took ages to reply, I think she thought she scared me. :-D
Okay, those last two paragraphs are going to be completely weird for everyone but me and the person concerned. Tough. Build a bridge.
In other news, uh... no, I got nothing. I think this is my worst blog ever. I'll do a better one next time, I promise. There's just... not much to say. Huh. I need to start bottling things up again, I guess. :-)
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Balconies rock.
It's so nice to be able to sit on my balcony, in the sun, listening to music, blogging. With the wind blowing through my hair (speaking of which, I'm trying to grow it a bit - not like Joe, but still a bit more. I have no idea if it'll work). It would be nice if my screen weren't so reflective, but that's cool. It's fitting that I should have a highly reflective screen, somehow.
So, the audition notice is finally up on the High School Musical Website. No indications as to whether a 24 year old will be able to play an 18 year old, but here's hoping. I'm getting quite excited about the show, even if I only get a chorus role (although a main role would be so cool). It'll be fun to be in a show again - and hang out with show people again. Yeah, baby. Even though it's about three months until we'd start rehearsing.
But then, it's only 5 weeks until America. Which is starting to take a little more shape. It's likely that I'll spend a chunk of it Greyhounding from Florida to San Francisco - with a few days in Texas, natch. It's getting more exciting now that it's getting more... real, I suppose. Whoop.
I didn't go to church this morning. Partly because I was up until late/early picking Lou up at the airport with Matt (who's been growing a stylish beard, which I hope he keeps. :-) ), but I was planning on skipping it anyway. I'm taking it a bit easy with church, now. I've reached a point where I don't panic if I miss a week, in fear of 'backsliding'. To be honest, at the moment I think I do better in my faith journey without churc. For now. The only thing I'm missing out on is the support, which would be helpful. But I'm working on it - and it would be hard to get into that sort of support relationship with a big Christmas break coming up.
Oh yeah, prison. That was interesting. Quite tough, in terms of the interviews themselves - pretty gruelling. But the trip, and the actual prison? Interesting, and enlightening. I didn't have to use my personal alarm once (of course)! I'm sure it won't be my last prison visit, not by a long shot - and I'm quite interested to compare the other prisons to this one (there's supposed to be quite a difference between them).
I saw THE DEPARTED last night - highly recommend it, at least, for guys. It's got quite a bit of violence, and it's quite long, but very good.
All right, I'm going to enjoy this weather a bit more.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Thanks to those who answered the last post's question!
I'm going to prison in the morning,
Jingle-jangle the keys are going to clang!
I'll interview my clients,
And hope there are no riots,
But get me to the jail on time!
Number 1 with a bullet, that baby. So, early to bed tonight, big day ahead of me tomorrow. Yes, I'm nervous. I think it'll be fun, except for the hundreds of things that could go wrong. I'm exaggerating, honestly. The worst things I expect to happen are 1. I get really hungry/thirsty/cold; 2. I really need to use the bathroom (ain't gonna be able to); and 3. My hand gets so sore from 8 hours of writing that I can't write fast enough to get everything down. I predict all three will happen.
In other news, nobody at work has mentioned my blog. I wonder if they've forgotten. The one who's most likely to find it is the one who had the most to drink, so here's hoping.
My Dad is going to be on Good Morning tomorrow. Morning. Singing his Tony Bennett songs. Yay him. I'm going to try to record it for him. I wonder if he'll let me post it on Youtube. :-)
Interesting blog from Dave last night. Check it out, if you haven't. And I like Carmi's one from today, too. Shout outs to the two of yas.
Saw FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS the other night. Good film, I enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to seeing the sequel more, though. Wait... hang on... is it technically a sequel? They were made at the same time, and they're about the same events (the next one is WWII from the Japanese POV), they're only released at different times. I wonder if that's ever been done before in cinematic history. It would have been much cooler if they were released at the same time... but of course, that's not good marketing. Sadness.
37 days. Or 40 until Christmas. But 37 days. Oooh.
I'm so behind on replying to e-mails. They're stacking up again. Maybe I should take tomorrow off work, call in sick, and answer e-mails all day.
Oh wait. I've got the thing.
Not the movie, THE THING. Although I did buy that recently. Definately one of the best sci-fi/horror movies ever (possibly the best, it's hard to say). Good ol' John Carpenter.
Speaking of Carpenters initialed J.C., [insert Jesus joke here].
Well, go on. What's your best Jesus joke? Comment away!
This will end well.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Heigh ho, heigh ho.
Interesting. At work drinks last night - which were really fun, and lasted a very long time - my blog was revealed. By me. See, the topic came up, and I was asked if I had one. Of course, I'm not going to lie about it, so I admitted it. I didn't give out the address, but I did suggest that it was pretty readily googleable by my name. Which it actually isn't, having tried it today - you need a little more info than just my name. So it depends on how keen they are on looking for it.
Personally, I'd rather they didn't. It'd be a change in dynamics, which could get... awkward. I can't explain it... perhaps it's a blurring of the line between work and private life. Although, to some extent, we do that already at work, because there's so few of us. Oh well, que sera sera.
Which reminds, I told Sarah at work that I'd blog about her. Well, consider this it, if you read this.
In other news, I saw 'Kenny' tonight. An amusing Australian comedy - similar tone to 'The Castle'. I wasn't quite in the mood for it, but there you go. See, when I was looking up movies tonight ('cos everyone else is doing stuff), I came across this from the Paramount website, at approximately 5:30pm - the 24 hour movie marathon was on today! And I missed it by, well, approximately... 24 HOURS! Argh!
I used to love the 24 hour movie marathon, and its predecessor, the Incredible Film Festival. And this time last year, I had a big agonisathon about whether or not to go to it...
Oh well, them's the breaks.
Today, I have been mostly buying: Imitation of Christ, by Thomas a Kempis. Which is nice. Now I just need Augustine's confessions, and I will have super Jesus power.
True story.
Good heavens, I go to America in less than 6 weeks. That's incredifying. Still have no idea what we're doing. Arriving in NY, leaving from San Francisco. In between? Probably Florida, possibly Niagra Falls, definately Texas at some stage. Anyone got ANY recommendations on must-sees/must-dos? While in NY, I want to see the Musical WICKED and the new off-broadway musical EVIL DEAD. There are others that have been recommended to me (URINETOWN, AVENUE Q), but there's probably only enough time for two. And New Years Eve... where am I going to be for that? Times Square would be cool/uncomfortable, but we'll probably have left NY by then. Huhm.
Seriously, suggestions, please. Hit me, baby. Just the once.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The drugs don't work, they just make it worse...
Well, the first part is true. After 30 minutes of zoniclone ineffectuality, I've decided to bite the bullet and once more, BLOG FROM BED! That's right - removing my sleeping mask, although keeping in my earplugs (which are really getting to that sticky point of needing replacing.... eugh. I mean, REALLY), I will now share some nocturnal nigglings!
Now, speaking of work, firstly (the word's in the title. D'ya see the link there? You see what I done?). At work today, we had a Melbourne Cup Pool. I came third (3 in 8 odds of placing), and one my fiver back. I just thought I'd mention it. First and second got $20 and $10, respectively. But I did also book a trip to Hamilton next week - turns out that I DO need to go to prison. Go me! Which I'm quite excited about, exhausting as it will be (8 straight hours, not including driving to and from the prison and airport, and also between units). And I think I won't be able to eat or drink much between 9 and 6, and be in a hot room with no toilet access, alone with my client. But hey, I get a rental car out of it! Plus it's my first two interviews. The other two are going over stuff I've already done for them, which concerns me. Because it's never fun to come under the spotlight in that way, so to speak.
So yes. I'll hopefully tell what I can after the visit is over. I'm a bit nervous, sure. But I've still got this other project to worry about (of course, I'm hoping that one of the other other projects I'm signed up for doesn't pop up and urgently require attention, or that I don't suddenly get huge amounts of mail (I'm already about a week behind). Still, you gotta laugh. And consider coming in on Saturday for once. But mainly with the laughter.
At lunch time today, for the first time during a working day, since I've been living here (two months and counting), I had lunch at home. Actually, I lie, it's the second time. But the first time I had to come home for another thing, this time I came home for a)cheap packeted meal and b)place to pray without feeling like a fool. Which both worked out for me, and I may do it more often. 'Specially if SOMEBODY gets around to giving me those pasta snacks.... muhuhuhuhahhaha!
Oooh, feeling a little drozier now. I wonder if its possible to type while you're falling asleep. Whether the writing would just stop, slowly deteriorate in form and context, or be really trippy. Especially if I'm Iucid dreaming, so I'm dreaming, but conscious of that fact. I could end up typing about giant floating cats trying to hit puppies with bumblebees.
That would just be weird. I have noticed my spelling getting bad, and I keep misplacing words. I'm managing to pick them up, so I don't think I'll be making mistakes. I'm just closing my eyes for a bit now. That's nice. I could do this. I think I should put the laptop away, but I feel like there was something else I had to say...
Something about my last post... oh yeah! Trouble focusing... I've coming to see that worrying about doing is not going to change things. Perhaps I have to just go do something, anything. Or wait for something to pop up. But worrying? That's the chocolateltyist butterfish skindarning soup cake I've ever stultified in a long long canoe! And withe thate, Ai'll be takyng moy leyve of you gentlemen and wenches. Adieu! Adiei! Adie! Publish Post. Publish Post. Oh, I guess I that needs to be clicked. Bub-bye.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
7 weeks until Christmas...
And me being in America. I'm looking forward to it a bit more now. And our Christmas work function on 8/12... and the show auditions the day after... in fact, I'm looking forward to everything that's not the next few weeks. :-) That's partly because there's a big nothing planned there in terms of fun fun fun, but also because a work project is stressing me out. Gah.
I actually don't have much to blog about, for once. I'm perhaps not in the best blogging moods. It's strange - last night, Bing and Matt and I watched the fireworks display in a primo location, and then played a couple of games of Settlers of Catan (Dave and Eelyn joined us shortly after we finished game 1). Then Dave and Bing and I went back to MacDonald Crescent (Dave's and my flat) to play Risk. Goes without saying that I won all three games. But the strange thing is, lying in bed last night, trying to get to sleep, and out of the blue (having been feeling darn good all week), out comes the whole self-condemnation stuff again. Or at least, that's how it started. But this time I was able to turn it from how bad a person I am to how I'm a person who does bad things and doesn't do good things.
And since then, 24 hours, I've been feeling somewhat wretched. Wretched in the way I treat people - without love. And before church this morning (actually, during the opening songs), I realised that I've spent so long recently working on loving God that I've put loving others to one side. And the sermon today happened to be about loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Anyway. I spent a couple of hours today wandering around town, thinking, watching people. Trying to think how I could love them (in deeds), and then justifying why I shouldn't in each particular instance. Like how I automatically said "no, sorry" to a woman asking for money on the street, and then started thinking how hypocritical it was of me to be specifically searching for how to love and then to reject her plea, and then saying to myself "I can't take the chance that it could be going towards drugs, or something".
And, of course, I'm in the habit of walking around with my iPod on now. Which totally blocks you off from other people, and your own thoughts, usually. And it's not just what I don't do, it's what I do do. How I treat my friends, my colleagues. How often I make fun and tease, thinking that it's okay because it's for a laugh. How often I don't make conversation if I can avoid it, because it exhausts me (seriously, I've often wondered if I've got Chronic Fatigue or something like that, but I don't. I just find a lot of things exhausting - including interacting with others which, ironically, sometimes recharges me instead).
And I get to now, Sunday night, having pondered for a whole day on how to break this feeling of wretchedness by actually DOING something worthwhile, loving. And I've done nothing. Nothing to make this weekend worthwhile. And I really, truly hate that. Especially because I knew it would happen, as it almost always does. I can also justify that to myself - I need to have empty weekends, as I have a particularly stressful job, or somesuch. Which is very true. But it's besides the point.
The point. I don't even know what the point is. It's not like I can't think of things I can do that would be 'good' and 'loving' - I can. And, to be honest, a number of them I do do. I don't think adding something else would change things, in itself. Volunteering at the City Mission once a month, for example, won't change things. Besides, it has to be done from love, not duty or a need to feel better. That's not the point, either.
What is the point? I don't know. I want to change my behaviour. But I don't have any faith that I can. One thing I've learned from my trials is that I've got to love myself before I can love my neighbour. And I have to accept God's acceptance. But it's all so complicated and confusing.
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner. A confused, strung-out, washed-up sinner. A man who tries, and tries not, then won't try, and then can't try. Someone who's clearly not out of the stormcloud yet. An egoistical, self-obsessed yet caring heart. A man who loves You with half his heart, half his strength, half his soul, and half his spirit - but still loves You - and loves pleasure/security/comfort/power with the other half.
I guess I have the faith for forgiveness, for mercy, for grace... but for the power to change? Where's that faith gone?
EDIT: Okay - 90 minutes later. Post-rant: feeling much better. Tempted to remove or edit (y'know, properly) the last post. But, exaggerated by frustration as it may have been, the essence is still true. So I'll leave it. But yeah, catharsis.