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The most dangerous roads in the world... jinkies.

Okay, well, blogger ate my first post. It was awesome, trust me. You would have loved it. But anyway, apologies to Jeremy for bumping his post down a notch, but I think everyone read it. Suprisingly, no-one seems to have read the one immediately before it - funny how that works. Or perhaps they did, but didn't think it was worth commenting on. Which is silly. Or perhaps it was too subtle. But I demand recognition, darn it, so let me try it again.

I got the role. And this is quite a big thing, particularly for me. Firstly, it's my biggest role since ever, and secondly, it means I can look 17 if I really, really try. Okay, that's not so important. Although, speaking of, I should try and drop a few pounds for it. Get back in shape. I don't think going to Texas is going to help that any; maybe I'll start when I get back.

But yes, I'm a little nervous, but quite excited. It's going to be a lot of work (although I'm a little disappointed it's only running for two [jam-packed] weeks [in May, if you're curious]), and hopefully a lot of fun. There are a small number of people my age, but most are around 18 or 19. Which is all right, I'll manage. I only know a few people in it - clearly dancing ability was very important. Clearly I fluked that.

Anyway, enough about that for now. I just had to mention it before I flew to New York, in what is probably the least organised trip in the history of things (I should probably start packing now). But that's cool. I'm so happy to have work off (speaking of, got some lovely Christmas presents from The Boss - wine x 2, chocolates, a High School Musical DVD, and a thoughtful card), and have a well-deserved break.

I just hope I don't spend all my savings. Then again, that's kinda what it's there for. Hummmmm. Psssch, it's only money!

One last note, one last paragraph that I feel I should mention. God. That was not a profanity. I'm finding my faith to be difficult to maintain again - not like it was 5 months ago, but for different reasons. Possibly largely because of my surroundings - lack of a nurturing faith environment, plus being around people whose beliefs are drastically altering, whether or not they can see it. In spite of that, I am determined to fight the drift of apathy within me, because I know that the faith I have has been tried and tested. And altered itself, but that was/is more of a refining, which is to be expected if you're serious about it all. I guess perhaps the issue at the moment is one of relevance more than anything - it's hard to constantly remind myself of God's relevance to my life. But that's cool; I'll find a way.

I always do.
- posted by Sam @ 8:30 AM

 
One Year On: A guest post by Jeremy B.
Wow… it’s been a long year. It’s been about that since I last blogged – I wouldn’t expect another for quite some time. In fact, it’s apparently exactly a year ago that I did – Saturday December 17th, 2005. Crazy, isn’t it? Well, not that crazy, but certainly coincidental. And interesting. What did I say then? “I've accepted a job with that company in Wellington for the next year. Whatever concerns I have about that job are now to be put aside, as we 'wait and see' how it actually turns out. I'm pleased that a decision has been made here.” I think that’s the only thing that’s actually relevant in that short post I wrote. And, indeed, most of what I have to say in this will be related to that job that I took. What concerns did I have about the job? Were they justified? Before that, let’s look at the year itself; it was a biggie.

It’s odd, because I say “it’s been a long year”, but it’s flown by. A lot’s happened – for those not in the know, let’s revise shall we? I moved to Wellington, and started in a new job at a game studio, which I’m lead to believe is very prolific in New Zealand. Initially I lived with my folks, and then looked for a flat with Sam and Reuben. After we proved unable to find a three person flat to our liking, Dave joined our quest, and we found a ‘lovely’ four bedroom place in Kelburn – Glen Road. A small proportion of you have been there, because, as all readers of this blog will know, we left that flat under rather extreme circumstances 3 months later. It never got the chance to feel like home, and despite the fact that I really liked my room there, I know that things weren’t so rosy all around. In the end, it’s probably a good thing we left, and of course we got a sweet settlement out of it.

I moved back home, albeit briefly, and then we moved into the flat owned by Sam’s parents. Somewhere in all of this were large moral dilemmas regarding whether it was fair of us to move in here [forcing the previous tenants to leave] at all. Also, somewhere around this stage, Patches (my [family] cat of 17 years) died, which was very sad. Not much more to say on that. Also at some stage I realised I was interested in a local girl, who I was already sort of friends with. Some time a bit later, I realised she might also be interested in me. Quite recently, we started going out. So that’s nice. In amongst all these events, I worked a hell of a lot, and gained some insights, however early they may be, about work, and what it means to me. Now, obviously this is a public forum, and I can’t say just anything about work. Or more, I probably could, but there certainly are commercially sensitive details. And other such things.

As I say, this is all still early, but my first year of ‘real’ work is now almost over. In fact, it’s got one week to go. One sweet week of normal hours (fingers crossed). We’ve worked a lot of long weeks this year, and although those around me have to tolerate my moaning about that (and damn if there isn’t a lot of it), you guys aren’t going to. Well, not much. ;)

Before returning to my observations, let’s look at my actual concerns about work. I think the biggest one was whether I would be satisfied enough with it to put off my travel plans, which I was initially reluctant to do. The answer to that is unequivocally yes. Whatever complaints I have about work, I now realise that I would really have to hate my job to do less than 2 years in the first hit, considering that international studios require that to hire programmers for anything other than graduate roles. Not that I’ll necessarily stay in games. In fact, I probably won’t in the long term, but that remains to be seen.

So... observations on work.

Observation the first: The forty hour week is incredibly intrusive as it is. Any more than that becomes very, very, hard after a little while. Explanation: The standard working week looks like a blessing to many [read – me] coming out of Uni. You think to yourself “Sure, I’ll spend forty hours at work, but that’s 9 – 5, and then my evenings and weekends will truly be mine!” Unfortunately, this is only sort of true. I mean, don’t get me wrong, your time outside of work is your own. BUT, it’s tempered with work. For one thing, this year I’ve been much more tired on weekday evenings than I ever was at Uni. Moreover, I’ve found it incredibly hard to motivate myself to actually do stuff with my time outside of work. Fundamentally, I think it’s difficult while doing tertiary education, or even a temporary holiday full time job (where the end’s in sight, and often things aren’t quite so mentally draining) to really understand how tiring a genuine forty hour week every week with no immediately apparent end is.

Not only that, this year I’ve worked quite a number of more than forty hour weeks, and let me just say, those are killer. Not killer in that good 80s kind of a way, but killer in that actually kills you kind of way. It’s weird, because I worked more than that when I did WorkUSA and ‘held down’ 2 jobs – a part time and a full time one. Nevertheless, in that situation, I was only doing it for less than 3 months, and the jobs were both mentally easy, even if they were more physically demanding than coding. Basically, having actually worked full time for an extended period, I can honestly say that the forty hour week is a pretty crazy concept, but that I don’t see an easy way out of it. I’m somewhat saddened by the prospect of doing it until I retire, but don’t worry intrepid readers, I think I’ll cope.

Observation the second: Your plans, well, at least my plans, may well not come to fruition, because of observation the first. Explanation: As I said, I found it hard to motivate myself to do stuff outside of work. I initially had plans (such plans!) for what I would do this year. I was going to make a short film, re-take up the Clarinet or Sax, do some personal coding, re-take up a martial art and get fit, and there were others things too. Suffice to say, I was planning to fill my ‘own time’ outside of work with all sorts of worthwhile fulfilling personal pursuits. If we now look at that list of things I wanted to achieve, all I can say is that I made a brief attempt at one, and have kind of started on another. In other words? I’ve achieved none of the above. Oh, I did build myself a new computer, which was great.

The reason for all of this? I’d like to blame work, but I think a better subject for the blame would be how I’ve handled my time outside of it. I need to find more motivation, and as Sam has suggested, write down the stuff I want to do. Actually doing some of it wouldn’t hurt either ;). I think what I’m trying to say is that it’s been very easy, especially this year (the first one) to let work completely dominate my life. Or at least, that’s what I’ve found. It’s important to note that ‘to let work’ bit there. I don’t think it has to be this way, and if I can get myself together, we’ll see if I’m right in the coming year. I’m sure it’s possible to manage one’s time better than I have. Good.

Observation the third: Getting better at your job is actually really fulfilling, especially when it’s recognised. Explanation: I think it’s important that this isn’t a complete gripe fest, because work hasn’t been all bad. It’s just easy to complain. A short while ago, I realised that staff members were asking me questions about certain systems in the game we’re working on. Lots of questions. I realised that even though I wasn’t on the level of a senior programmer, I was becoming quite the authority on certain systems. In fact, I was responsible for probably 80% of one particular thing (which I won’t go into in particular) in the project. This was quite the proud moment for me.

I wasn’t just the new guy any more. Indeed I was now an authority. It feels good when people want you to help them – it also feels good to in turn provide that help. I’m not sure how to describe it better than that. Basically, getting better at work is a really nice feeling, especially, I think, because it really is hard work.

Final observation: Uni doesn’t prepare you, even if you kind of think it does. Explanation: Computer science at university proved, this year, to have given me some grounding in programming. However, I would also say that in the first half year at work, I almost learned more than I did in my degree. OK, that’s not fair, but I’ve learned a HECK of a lot at work. It’s true that my grounding came from Varsity, and that a job could never have easily provided that. However, I also think that if I went back now, even the fourth year coding assignments would be almost trivially easy from a practical perspective. The problem solving side would be easier too. Interesting.

So at the end of it all, has it been worth it? Would I change anything. Honestly? I wish the hours weren’t so vicious in this job – I would like more time to myself. Juggling a social life and over-long hours eventually takes its toll, and that toll has been ‘me time’ of late. Don’t worry though, I’m doing fine. In fact, despite my whining, I’m pretty happy at the moment. I’m satisfied with where I am, and although my short term plans seem to be permanently on hold, I’m not without hope. Despite my gripes about some features of work, I really enjoy the work itself. More than that, I like my colleagues, and I feel I still have a lot to learn about the field before I go elsewhere. That said, I think it’s a fair guess that by the end of 2008 I will be in some other elsewhere. Further study looks mighty tempting right now, and green pastures of Overseasland, where the people of Foreign come from, beckon to me invitingly. That said, plans change – it’s hard to see if mine will or not.

And that’s it really. One more week of work, and I can say that I’ve done a year of work. And... in an interesting turn of events, I’m really looking forward to Christmas. In fact, I don’t think I’ve looked forward to Christmas this much since I was an eager child awaiting Santa’s Coke Corporation Coloured Sleigh. And why my readers? Because of leave. That’s right – the best part of work to me right now, when the fatigue of the year hangs heavy over me and the long hours seem extra long? Paid Leave.

Have fun – seeya in the New Year. Who knows, maybe I’ll have more to say again on December 17th 2007.
- posted by Sam @ 10:52 AM

 
I... got it?

- posted by Sam @ 10:50 AM

 
I can't take my eyes off you...



I'm nervous. Why, asks you? Well, surprisingly not about work (for once) or about Christmas (although I am NOW!!! Grr!), and not even about the fact that I'm going overseas in 9 days and I've hardly thought about it (let alone worked out the likely temparatures and purchased clothes accordingly).

No, I'm nervous because of this Saturday. Because last Sunday's audition went very well. I was (eventually - oh, the stress!) contacted yesterday to be told that they ARE considering me for the role I auditioned for (ohmigosh). But... as I intimated in my last post, I messed up Saturday's dance audition. Big time. So they want be back to see if I can do slightly better.

And I'm worried that I can't. What if I'm just being overconfident, and I actually can't dance? What if I can, but I still can't show it? Well, I'm doing everything I can think of - I went back to a Ceroc class tomorrow, and I'm gatecrashing a gym hip-hop dance class tomorrow lunch time.

I must be desperate.

Saturday... seems so far away. And yet, so soon. Gulp.

Thinking of David's post here...
- posted by Sam @ 9:39 PM

 
And so it goes...


Busy week. Looks like I've become a weekend blogger after all. At least, for now. On the other hand, I don't know how often I'll be blogging when I'm overseas (12 days away! Jinkies!)... could be more, could be less. But let's update on my week, shall we?

Work's been good. Less stressful, now that the boss is back from Paris (bringing me a toupee) - strangely. Plus, I've been getting a lot done, which is nice. Nine more working days left, that's gonna fly by. Crazy. Speaking of Fly Buys, after collecting for about three years, I have enough to cash in for a "Phone with answer machine", "12 bottles of Timara Wine" or a George Foreman grill. All tempting, and some of my points expire in March. So many options. And I've almost got enough for a jig saw or a blood pressure monitor. Awesome.

Back to work (Hah!) Had our work Christmas party on Friday night - 4pm til 2am. Three games of laser force (slightly disappointing that I didn't kick a lot of butt, but still great sweaty fun), a bunch of drinks, some Malaysian/Indian food and four hours of Karoke to end the night with. Funky cool.

And then I had my chorus audition at 11am. Well timed. :-( And not a great audition, because it was 30 minutes of dancing and one darned line of singing. And, now, let's be honest - I'm not a GREAT dancer, but I can dance. It just takes me a while to get the moves right. Fortunately, I impressed them with my lead audition later that afternoon - so they asked me to come back THIS afternoon, to fill in the gaps that the usual male:female ratio leaves (because the lead auditions were all duets). Because they liked me. Which is good. I'll let you know when I know.

How's the Christmas shopping going, everyone? Hehe, there's a nasty thought.

O RLY?
- posted by Sam @ 5:59 PM

 
Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
I have a strange lack of blogging-enthusiasm at the moment. Here's why I think this is: stress at work leads to less energy available for thinking about things (bloggable things). Less creativity.

I mean, okay, work is more stressful at the moment (especially when your boss gives you a deadline and then for reasons beyond your control, it's going to be really hard to meet, and I don't like letting down the boss). And I've discovered something strange about work-stress (coming from a person who doesn't know much about stress - outside of work, I'm crazy-lax) - it has a compounding effect. I have difficulty letting go of stress at the end of the day - but I can do it over the weekend fine. And I'm thinking that this USA holiday (three weeks!) will be a very cathartic experience.

And yet, I'm still not as excited about the trip as I would like. I'm excited about going to New York (and seeing some shows), I'm excited about seeing Niagra Falls, and I'm excited about seeing my sister and Abbey. Which is great, but I guess I'd like to be excited about the whole trip, rather than some highlights. Perhaps 'cos I've been to the U.S. three times before (once to NY already), it's not that 'special'. And perhaps the fact that dates and places are still up in the air is not helping.

Not to mention the fact that I can't really afford the trip. :-) Ah well, the folks will help me to a point, I'll just pay them back. Slowly.

It's been a great week, by the way. Lessee, Thursday was the audition rehearsal with Dave and Matt B and others. That was fun, it was good meeting new people. A group of us went to see CRANK afterwards, which was fun. Friday night I stayed home and watched DVDs by myself - IT'S A VERY MERRY MUPPET CHRISTMAS MOVIE (so good!) and TREMORS (so 1989 good!). I didn't feel like socialising. Especially because last night we had our flatwarming - which was awesome! Really enjoyable. Got to see Ruth for the first time in, well, probably a year. Fun fun fun. Tiring (4:30am bed-time), but cool.

And today, we had our pre-audition 'assembly'. Interesting. I've been keeping a running approximation of my chances of getting the role that I want, and I think this assembly just boosted that approximation. Like, when I first started practicing, I was figuring 10% tops. After my group rehearsal on Thursday (seems like ages ago!) it increased to 15%. After rehearsing yesterday, 25%. Then today... well, if we assume 25 guys audition (although there were probably less than that at the 'assembly') for the show, let's say 16 go for a main role. Of which there a 5 (for guys). Factor in my experience, and I almost clear 40%.

Okay, that's all slightly tongue-in-cheek. But it's cool. I'm feeling more relaxed about my audition (and yet, less so at the same time, as you do when you think you might actually have a slight chance). At least I'm pretty sure to get into the chorus. Although there were not many people older than me there... hmm. Which will cause problems even if I get in, because, well, socialising with 15 year olds? :-)

Anyway, that's too much thought and speculation. I should get back to worrying about things, that's much healthier. Err... or not. But on that note, it's funny how time flies when you don't have the time/energy to think about things. Like, if I were a student (man, it's been two years... apart from Profs, of course), I would have no worries about this USA trip, cos I would have planned it by now.

Oh man, I really need to reply to some e-mails. That should almost be my new catchphrase. Hehe.
- posted by Sam @ 3:44 PM